8 ms·
same comment I left on the post: This is missing a HUGE aspect of intro etiquette - DOUBLE OPT-IN, almost all the time (and if you aren't sure, then it's ALL t
by jtoeman 13y ago
same comment I left on the post:
This is missing a HUGE aspect of intro etiquette - DOUBLE OPT-IN, almost all the time (and if you aren't sure, then it's ALL the time). If you want your contacts to be worth something, be respectful of them.
Here's my "workflow"
1. Intro request comes from Bob who wants to meet Jim
2. I review Bob's email, make sure it's short and to the point, and includes WHY it's a request. If I don't think it hits the money, send feedback and recommend edits to Bob. Wait for acceptable email - which must be its own, NEW & clean email. [edited for clarity: i inform Bob that I will send him whatever he writes to Jim, thus allowing him to position himself/his need/the opportunity in his own words]
3. I forward Bob's entire good email to Jim, which includes MY take on the matter (I think Bob's a great guy, or I am not familiar with Bob's company, but we've worked together before and he's worth meeting, or whatever).
4. If, AND ONLY IF, I get a reply from Jim agreeing to the intro, do I continue forward. But if Jim says he doesn't want the intro, I politely decline back to Bob.
Personally, I hate it when someone dumps an intro in my lap - it just isn't courteous or respectful in my opinion.
- 3pt14159 13y agoI find double opt in annoying. If someone intros me to too many people I just tell them they're introing me to too many people.
- wallacrw 13y agoExactly
- jtoeman 13y agoi agree, that if there was a single person to provide feedback to, i would. but compare that with a fairly consistent stream of "hey, help this person out" emails, and I think you'd come to the same eventual conclusion... curious - how many different people have sent you favor requests?
- 3pt14159 13y agoI get about 10 intros a week. 80% come from the top 2 people, David Crow at OMERS and Zak Homuth from Upverter (a YC company). I consistently meet amazing people. There were a couple people that used to intro me, but I've asked them to stop politely.
- jtoeman 13y agomaybe i'm missing something here - are you the one looking to meet people, or are you already full-time working? if its the former, then of course you want all the intro's you can take! let's agree that if you are out looking to meet people, then you most certainly want every intro possible - but my take on it is if you want the most effective intro's, they are double opt-in...
- paulbaumgart 13y agoThis is one of two common intro styles I've seen: "pessimistic" introducing instead of "optimistic." I've found the former to be more prevalent among technical types and the latter among salesy types. I suspect it's related to the standard quality vs. quantity trade off.
- jtoeman 13y agoi wouldn't call it "pessimistic" at all. i think of it as respectful or not, that's it. someone who thinks i have all the time in the world to help everyone else, no matter my job or personal requirements, is simply not thinking about my time. i love helping others out, but i don't think it's right to burden another person with your favor (yes, i said burden - even if i want to help someone, it's still a burden as it has impact on my schedule, typically negative - doesn't mean i don't want to do it, but it should still be considered that way...
- swampthing 13y agoI think "pessimistic / optimistic" was meant in the computing sense, rather than the colloquial. But I completely agree that double opt-in is the way to go - if the person you're asking feels burdened by the double opt-in, they can just tell you to do a direct intro in the future.
- jtoeman 13y agogotcha - thanks for clarifying!!
- paulbaumgart 13y agoI understand how you perceive it as a burden, but optimistic introducers tend to see them as opportunities instead. I'm not saying you're wrong or that one is better than the other (presumably it depends on context). I'm just exploring the different styles to understand them better. Edit: I do disagree with your framing of respectful vs. disrespectful in the general case. With engineers specifically, it is probably true, though, and a good rule of thumb to apply.
- mapgrep 13y agoSo it's respectful to forward someone's entire email verbatim without their permission, to talk about said person behind his back, and to spread a simple email introduction over four time-consuming emails instead of two? But it's NOT respectful to just, like, quickly and painlessly introduce the people and assume if it's unwanted it will be ignored like all unwanted email? I'm not saying your technique is definitely WRONG, but I am saying you shouldn't assume it's superior.
- jtoeman 13y agochill - i inform the person I'm introing that i will be forwarding it, they are very aware. and no, unwanted email coming from someone i value the relationship with carries negativity and tarnishes my relationship.
- mapgrep 13y agoAh, so now we're up to five emails. Seems like a lot of work and wasted time. To each his own, it doesn't get me personally exercised, but I don't think you've got much leg to stand on judging others.
- jtoeman 13y agowhen did i "judge others"? seriously? before this becomes some weird ad hominem thing, let's leave it with: go do your intros however you'd like, and good luck in life, i really don't care that much about this yet still feel i'm entitled to my opinion, thanks.
- mapgrep 13y agoThe judgy bit was "it just isn't courteous or respectful." Of course you're entitled to your opinion, where did I say otherwise?
- swampthing 13y agoYou don't have to forward anything - you can just shoot a quick email to the person and say "Hey, I was talking to _____, who is trying to _____. I thought you might be a good person for him to talk to because _______. He might also be good to know because _______. Do you mind if I make an introduction?"
- shalmanese 13y agoI use double opt in if there's only a one-way benefit but this happens rarely, maybe 10% of the intros. Usually, when I'm introing, I try to find mutual benefit and state it clearly in the email. I find these intros both easier to write (since it's not an expenditure of social capital on my part) and, generally, way more appreciated by both parties.