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Everybody who doesn't have children, read the parent post! Most children will go through a phase where they throw tantrums. Different children have different n

Everybody who doesn't have children, read the parent post! Most children will go through a phase where they throw tantrums. Different children have different needs, but for some you just have to let them kick and sream themselves to the realization that it doesn't get them anywere. So while it might be unfortunate that this interrupts your afternoon shopping, it is no reason to walk over to the parent an lecture them on what they should or shouldn't do, or better yet, tell them they should be ashamed of themselves! It's not like the parent is having fun or being even remotely not uncomfortable while it happens.

mcv 13y ago
And shaming that parent into giving in to their child's unreasonable demands just ensures that the child will throw more tantrums in the future. And they work because bystanders will shame the parent into giving in. Don't be that person; support the parent.
- vidarh 13y ago
  And that includes not giving eye contact, encouraging smiles or otherwise engaging with the child. But the problem of course is that for many bystanders it is hard to tell when a child is being a brat, and when a child is being mistreated. Especially if they're not a parent themselves.
vidarh 13y ago
For most people, regardless of age, withdrawing attention when they act negatively tends to relatively quickly make them change their behaviour. Works on toddlers, co-workers, friends. Anyone. People have a deep psychological need for attention, and negative attention is often better than no attention. Attention is often the best way to both reward and punish someone, by giving or withdrawing it (not through negative attention). But yes, you need to be prepared for uncomfortable moments at first if you've let them get away with it previously. And you should be consistent - especially with children, consistency makes a huge difference. And for children it of course needs to be much more obvious - with my son I will tell him when I am withdrawing attention, why, and what he can do to get my attention again.

mcv 13y ago

And shaming that parent into giving in to their child's unreasonable demands just ensures that the child will throw more tantrums in the future. And they work because bystanders will shame the parent into giving in. Don't be that person; support the parent.

vidarh 13y ago
And that includes not giving eye contact, encouraging smiles or otherwise engaging with the child. But the problem of course is that for many bystanders it is hard to tell when a child is being a brat, and when a child is being mistreated. Especially if they're not a parent themselves.

vidarh 13y ago

For most people, regardless of age, withdrawing attention when they act negatively tends to relatively quickly make them change their behaviour. Works on toddlers, co-workers, friends. Anyone. People have a deep psychological need for attention, and negative attention is often better than no attention. Attention is often the best way to both reward and punish someone, by giving or withdrawing it (not through negative attention). But yes, you need to be prepared for uncomfortable moments at first if you've let them get away with it previously. And you should be consistent - especially with children, consistency makes a huge difference. And for children it of course needs to be much more obvious - with my son I will tell him when I am withdrawing attention, why, and what he can do to get my attention again.