I've had discussions with my friend in NYC. He's married in NYC, I'm single in SF. My salary is $10k/yr more than his, so why do I feel like I'm barely getting

I've had discussions with my friend in NYC. He's married in NYC, I'm single in SF. My salary is $10k/yr more than his, so why do I feel like I'm barely getting by, while he's doing all these crazy Rich New York Person things. So I did some rough calculations. According to paycheckcity.com, despite his making $10k gross less than me, when you factor in tax differences (between states, and his marital status), his take-home is $6000 MORE than me. If you make $65k gross in NYC, and you're married, by half-assed extrapolation that puts you in the same boat as a single person in SF making $80k. Still not 110k, but a substantial difference.