6 ms·

So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? Just as with the traffic situation, how often do we find ourselves complainin

So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? Just as with the traffic situation, how often do we find ourselves complaining about having to do the laundry or the dishes or vacuuming or even heating up something for dinner -- all fairly small and easy tasks thanks to the help of technology, which took much more time and labor in a previous generation? Yes, it's true that the complaining pushes us to find ways to make our lives even easier. But in the meantime, why are we unable to sustain our enjoyment for what we've got? If we could just change our thinking on this and begin to appreciate the amazing place we've reached on a more regular basis, imagine how much happier we'd all be. But what's the hack to do that?

TallGuyShort 13y ago
I was given some brilliant advice by an older gentleman once: he said to find 1 or 2 things that enjoy more than most people, to let yourself really enjoy those things, and be modest in all other things - and then you'll really be happy, but be able to give more to those less fortunate. For instance, he loved music, and he splurged to have a high-quality system in his car. And he focused on really enjoying that, cut back in the rest of his life and gave more to charity, and still felt like he was "living the life". I've done the same thing. I love watching a good movie at the end of the day, and I love visiting my home town. So I bought myself a nice TV, I take regular trips back home, and I feel like I have it made all the time. I drive a very modest vehicle and live in a very modest place, but I really appreciate how I live now and try to focus the rest of my resources on others.
- epaladin 13y ago
  That sounds like a pretty good approach to it. It might become a bit of a problem if it involves a regular investment, so choice and scale have to depend on means available for that to really work...
- msluyter 13y ago
  A book that may capture and elaborate on the above (esp. re: modesty) is "How to Want What You Have" by Timothy Miller: http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173 http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173 The typical "western" approach to happiness is: "I have X but I want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to achieve Y." This book reverses the equation: "I have X but want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to learn to want X." That idea may sound radically counterintuitive on first hearing, but it's reflected in many of the world's spiritual traditions. What's especially great about it is that it approaches the subject from a rational, scientific viewpoint, so if you find yourself turned off by the spiritual side of buddhism or whatnot, the book will be welcome. Also, music is a good call generally - the ability to play an instrument will repay itself many times over a lifetime.
- lewaldman 13y ago
  And when one of the things that you enjoy more is the IT/Infra/Dev work that you do? Them you should deserve a very nice home office, with all the monitors, computing power that you would want, and, of course, a remote job to enjoy all that! ;)
- debt 13y ago
  This. There's a great book called Living High and Letting Die by Peter Unger which relates to this subject. Essentially, the argument is we here in the first world have a moral obligation to continue onward and upward as long as we benefit those in the third world. We have to first recognize our privilege or luxury before we are able to see how we can use it to help those people in the third world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_High_and_Letting_Die http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_High_and_Letting_Die
learc83 13y ago
>So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? There is no hack. Humans are wired to seek novelty. Novelty by definition wears off. The best thing I've found is to try to seek novelty in creating rather than consuming, but our very nature ensures contentedness is an elusive goal. Many people attempt to attain contentedness through religion. I'm religious myself, but I think that man was made to create, and to improve the world, so being content with the status quo isn't really something I've tried to work on. That being said, I think that it is important to attempt to be thankful for what you have while still working towards the future.
- sliverstorm 13y ago
  Rather, I would say that we normalize to anything. It's awful for sustaining happiness, but pretty good for fighting unhappiness. Think of it this way; our lives are 100x better than those of our ancestors, and yet we aren't much happier. That means the people who lived to be thirty and rubbed sticks together to make fire, were no less happy. That is a powerful thing.
RyanZAG 13y ago
Going camping with a tent for a fairly extended period generally works well (and serves as great exercise and a holiday, too). Try to do this low tech though, eg. walking a good distance from your car so you can't use the car battery etc. When you spend 2 hours making a fire and getting some hot soup it gives you a chance to think about how easy it usually is.
zaphar 13y ago
Complaining is often a result of comparing our situation to the rest of the environment. When you are sitting in your car in traffic you see that other lane moving faster than you and you get frustrated. When you are at that amazing job you see that other guy two job levels above you with even more perks. If you only surround yourself with an environment where you don't quite measure up then your baseline gets set two high. You need to recalibrate. I recalibrate by doing Charity work. And I don't mean just writing a check. I roll up my sleeves and actually engage with people in less fortunate circumstances. Work in a soup kitchen or a food pantry. Volunteer to repair or rebuild someones house when they can't afford to or a tragedy has struck. It exposes you to people who haven't had the breaks that you had and also helps raise the standard of living for someone less fortunate or lucky and that helps keep your baseline from getting to high.
- drblast 13y ago
  Great comment, thanks!
epaladin 13y ago
I think we'll really need to start treating mindfulness as a fundamental life skill. I've realized only recently how essential it will be to develop in order to get much of anything out of life, given my mindset up to this point. Maybe some cultures are better about this; I certainly don't have the information on which to base generalizations. I have seen an increasing number of resources focused on stress reduction via mindfulness (also see Google Trends), but the potential benefits go beyond just stress. Awareness, without making comparisons. That should be the key. I can't validate that myself yet though...
josephjrobison 13y ago
Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?” - Seneca
nwienert 13y ago
I think this is as good a time as any to share my favorite speech on this topic, This Is Water by David Foster Wallace[1] [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
gdrulia 13y ago
In my opinion this is wrong comparison. Simply because there is no physical obstacles that prevents you from doing what you have to do at your work, while in traffic there is plenty, hence the reason you're in traffic. Such comparison alone distorts the view and paves the way to start to think that your minds lazy thoughts ("virtual obstacles") is actually something real, something you can't control. In my personal experience, the moment you stop thinking about how hard it is to concentrate on a task and you start doing it, is the very moment when all those lazy thoughts disappears and you're back on empty "autobahn".
countrybama24 13y ago
>So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? Meditation, traveling to developing countries, constantly reminding yourself how much you enjoy little things like music, coffee, talking to friends etc. Works for me at least. Nothing like going without a hot shower or first world plumbing for several weeks can make you appreciate all the little luxuries we enjoy.
- joshrotenberg 13y ago
  I like those things, and I'd add: walking/running/hiking, charity (in the form of time or money), and tacos.
dpweb 13y ago
Gratitude
thothamon 13y ago
It's old-fashioned, but give this a try. The hack is simply to write down (typing is OK) five things you're grateful about. For example, related to your job, you may work with technology that is fun or hot in the market, or better than what you were doing 5 or 10 years ago. Your co-workers no doubt have at least some positive qualities, so write "I am grateful that my co-workers have a good sense of humor," for example. You may be fortunate to be making as much money as you are, or working in the conditions you have. This is especially good for things that are an important part of your life, but which you may feel frustration or anxiety toward, such as your job, your relationships, the initiatives or projects you're working on, etc. But even for things that are a downright negative, such as sickness, you can still be grateful. For example, a sickness might have given you perspective on the important things in life, or helped you behave in a healthier manner. Try writing down five things to be grateful about every day, and maybe again if you're feeling strong negative emotions about the subject, and see if your overall emotional posture toward the subject improves over a period of two weeks.
dnr 13y ago
There's "negative visualization" and "voluntary discomfort", as described here: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/02/what-is-stoicism-and-how-can-it-turn-your-life-to-solid-gold/ http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/02/what-is-stoicism-a... (I haven't really tried negative visualization, but I suppose I occasionally do some voluntary discomfort.)
benrhughes 13y ago
Study Stoicism or Buddhism (if you don't like the religious aspect, it's easy enough to only focus on the philosophical - that's what I do). There's a surprising amount of overlap between the two. I always liked Buddhism conceptually, but it never really clicked with me. Stoicism on the other hand feels quite natural. Maybe it's a anglo-centric thing. At the root of both philosophies is the realization of impermanence of all things. Recognizing (and really feeling) this impermanence goes a long way to helping you to mindfully appreciate what you have. To give you the flavour of what I mean, some Stoic practices include: - negative visualisation: imagine what it will be like when thing/person X is no longer in your life (which is inevitable). This, somewhat counter-intuitively, brings you into the present and helps you enjoy what you have. - periodic self deprivation: go a week without your smartphone, or hot showers. This does two things: it teaches you that you can survive without something you're attached to, and also lets you appreciate it. In some ways the essence of Buddhism and Stoicism is "appreciation without attachment". Stoicism is very practical - Epictetus, Seneca etc basically set you homework. The foundational principle is that there are 2 classes of things: those completely within your control, and everything else. Happiness, freedom and living a good life come focusing your energy on the first class, and being indifferent to the second. The "homework" is about helping you practically interact with the world from that perspective. edit: for further reading, I'd recommend Irvine's A Guide To The Good Life. Although I find reading Epictetus and Seneca much more enlightening, Irvine is a nice on-ramp.
danielweber 13y ago
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill
logfromblammo 13y ago
Yesterday, I wrote a sentence that encapsulates very well how we adjust to technological luxuries: "I searched the web for 'singing hemorrhoid' and the first video result is lame." When I re-read it, I realized that being alive in 2014 is unbelievably awesome. Then the conversation went straight into "Four Yorkshiremen". A: In my day, we were grateful for just one singing hemorrhoid video. B: And we had to download it from Usenet binaries. C: In RealMedia format. Me: And part 51 of 117 was missing. A: And we had to use bauds. Me: I had a demibaud modem. C: Luxury! We had to make our own punchcards and send'm through the mail. B: At least you had mail. We stapled our punchcards to passing hobos and hoped they made it somewhere with a router.

TallGuyShort 13y ago

I was given some brilliant advice by an older gentleman once: he said to find 1 or 2 things that enjoy more than most people, to let yourself really enjoy those things, and be modest in all other things - and then you'll really be happy, but be able to give more to those less fortunate. For instance, he loved music, and he splurged to have a high-quality system in his car. And he focused on really enjoying that, cut back in the rest of his life and gave more to charity, and still felt like he was "living the life". I've done the same thing. I love watching a good movie at the end of the day, and I love visiting my home town. So I bought myself a nice TV, I take regular trips back home, and I feel like I have it made all the time. I drive a very modest vehicle and live in a very modest place, but I really appreciate how I live now and try to focus the rest of my resources on others.

epaladin 13y ago
That sounds like a pretty good approach to it. It might become a bit of a problem if it involves a regular investment, so choice and scale have to depend on means available for that to really work...
msluyter 13y ago
A book that may capture and elaborate on the above (esp. re: modesty) is "How to Want What You Have" by Timothy Miller: http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173 http://www.amazon.com/How-Want-What-You-Have/dp/0805033173 The typical "western" approach to happiness is: "I have X but I want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to achieve Y." This book reverses the equation: "I have X but want Y, therefore, to be happy I need to learn to want X." That idea may sound radically counterintuitive on first hearing, but it's reflected in many of the world's spiritual traditions. What's especially great about it is that it approaches the subject from a rational, scientific viewpoint, so if you find yourself turned off by the spiritual side of buddhism or whatnot, the book will be welcome. Also, music is a good call generally - the ability to play an instrument will repay itself many times over a lifetime.
lewaldman 13y ago
And when one of the things that you enjoy more is the IT/Infra/Dev work that you do? Them you should deserve a very nice home office, with all the monitors, computing power that you would want, and, of course, a remote job to enjoy all that! ;)
debt 13y ago
This. There's a great book called Living High and Letting Die by Peter Unger which relates to this subject. Essentially, the argument is we here in the first world have a moral obligation to continue onward and upward as long as we benefit those in the third world. We have to first recognize our privilege or luxury before we are able to see how we can use it to help those people in the third world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_High_and_Letting_Die http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_High_and_Letting_Die

learc83 13y ago

>So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? There is no hack. Humans are wired to seek novelty. Novelty by definition wears off. The best thing I've found is to try to seek novelty in creating rather than consuming, but our very nature ensures contentedness is an elusive goal. Many people attempt to attain contentedness through religion. I'm religious myself, but I think that man was made to create, and to improve the world, so being content with the status quo isn't really something I've tried to work on. That being said, I think that it is important to attempt to be thankful for what you have while still working towards the future.

sliverstorm 13y ago
Rather, I would say that we normalize to anything. It's awful for sustaining happiness, but pretty good for fighting unhappiness. Think of it this way; our lives are 100x better than those of our ancestors, and yet we aren't much happier. That means the people who lived to be thirty and rubbed sticks together to make fire, were no less happy. That is a powerful thing.

RyanZAG 13y ago

Going camping with a tent for a fairly extended period generally works well (and serves as great exercise and a holiday, too). Try to do this low tech though, eg. walking a good distance from your car so you can't use the car battery etc. When you spend 2 hours making a fire and getting some hot soup it gives you a chance to think about how easy it usually is.

zaphar 13y ago

Complaining is often a result of comparing our situation to the rest of the environment. When you are sitting in your car in traffic you see that other lane moving faster than you and you get frustrated. When you are at that amazing job you see that other guy two job levels above you with even more perks. If you only surround yourself with an environment where you don't quite measure up then your baseline gets set two high. You need to recalibrate. I recalibrate by doing Charity work. And I don't mean just writing a check. I roll up my sleeves and actually engage with people in less fortunate circumstances. Work in a soup kitchen or a food pantry. Volunteer to repair or rebuild someones house when they can't afford to or a tragedy has struck. It exposes you to people who haven't had the breaks that you had and also helps raise the standard of living for someone less fortunate or lucky and that helps keep your baseline from getting to high.

drblast 13y ago
Great comment, thanks!

epaladin 13y ago

I think we'll really need to start treating mindfulness as a fundamental life skill. I've realized only recently how essential it will be to develop in order to get much of anything out of life, given my mindset up to this point. Maybe some cultures are better about this; I certainly don't have the information on which to base generalizations. I have seen an increasing number of resources focused on stress reduction via mindfulness (also see Google Trends), but the potential benefits go beyond just stress. Awareness, without making comparisons. That should be the key. I can't validate that myself yet though...

josephjrobison 13y ago

Set aside a certain number of days, during which you shall be content with the scantiest and cheapest fare, with coarse and rough dress, saying to yourself the while: “Is this the condition that I feared?” - Seneca

nwienert 13y ago

I think this is as good a time as any to share my favorite speech on this topic, This Is Water by David Foster Wallace[1] [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI

gdrulia 13y ago

In my opinion this is wrong comparison. Simply because there is no physical obstacles that prevents you from doing what you have to do at your work, while in traffic there is plenty, hence the reason you're in traffic. Such comparison alone distorts the view and paves the way to start to think that your minds lazy thoughts ("virtual obstacles") is actually something real, something you can't control. In my personal experience, the moment you stop thinking about how hard it is to concentrate on a task and you start doing it, is the very moment when all those lazy thoughts disappears and you're back on empty "autobahn".

countrybama24 13y ago

>So what is the hack that keeps us from constantly taking our luxuries for granted? Meditation, traveling to developing countries, constantly reminding yourself how much you enjoy little things like music, coffee, talking to friends etc. Works for me at least. Nothing like going without a hot shower or first world plumbing for several weeks can make you appreciate all the little luxuries we enjoy.

joshrotenberg 13y ago
I like those things, and I'd add: walking/running/hiking, charity (in the form of time or money), and tacos.

dpweb 13y ago

Gratitude

thothamon 13y ago

It's old-fashioned, but give this a try. The hack is simply to write down (typing is OK) five things you're grateful about. For example, related to your job, you may work with technology that is fun or hot in the market, or better than what you were doing 5 or 10 years ago. Your co-workers no doubt have at least some positive qualities, so write "I am grateful that my co-workers have a good sense of humor," for example. You may be fortunate to be making as much money as you are, or working in the conditions you have. This is especially good for things that are an important part of your life, but which you may feel frustration or anxiety toward, such as your job, your relationships, the initiatives or projects you're working on, etc. But even for things that are a downright negative, such as sickness, you can still be grateful. For example, a sickness might have given you perspective on the important things in life, or helped you behave in a healthier manner. Try writing down five things to be grateful about every day, and maybe again if you're feeling strong negative emotions about the subject, and see if your overall emotional posture toward the subject improves over a period of two weeks.

dnr 13y ago

There's "negative visualization" and "voluntary discomfort", as described here: http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/02/what-is-stoicism-and-how-can-it-turn-your-life-to-solid-gold/ http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/02/what-is-stoicism-a... (I haven't really tried negative visualization, but I suppose I occasionally do some voluntary discomfort.)

benrhughes 13y ago

Study Stoicism or Buddhism (if you don't like the religious aspect, it's easy enough to only focus on the philosophical - that's what I do). There's a surprising amount of overlap between the two. I always liked Buddhism conceptually, but it never really clicked with me. Stoicism on the other hand feels quite natural. Maybe it's a anglo-centric thing. At the root of both philosophies is the realization of impermanence of all things. Recognizing (and really feeling) this impermanence goes a long way to helping you to mindfully appreciate what you have. To give you the flavour of what I mean, some Stoic practices include: - negative visualisation: imagine what it will be like when thing/person X is no longer in your life (which is inevitable). This, somewhat counter-intuitively, brings you into the present and helps you enjoy what you have. - periodic self deprivation: go a week without your smartphone, or hot showers. This does two things: it teaches you that you can survive without something you're attached to, and also lets you appreciate it. In some ways the essence of Buddhism and Stoicism is "appreciation without attachment". Stoicism is very practical - Epictetus, Seneca etc basically set you homework. The foundational principle is that there are 2 classes of things: those completely within your control, and everything else. Happiness, freedom and living a good life come focusing your energy on the first class, and being indifferent to the second. The "homework" is about helping you practically interact with the world from that perspective. edit: for further reading, I'd recommend Irvine's A Guide To The Good Life. Although I find reading Epictetus and Seneca much more enlightening, Irvine is a nice on-ramp.

danielweber 13y ago

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedonic_treadmill

logfromblammo 13y ago

Yesterday, I wrote a sentence that encapsulates very well how we adjust to technological luxuries: "I searched the web for 'singing hemorrhoid' and the first video result is lame." When I re-read it, I realized that being alive in 2014 is unbelievably awesome. Then the conversation went straight into "Four Yorkshiremen". A: In my day, we were grateful for just one singing hemorrhoid video. B: And we had to download it from Usenet binaries. C: In RealMedia format. Me: And part 51 of 117 was missing. A: And we had to use bauds. Me: I had a demibaud modem. C: Luxury! We had to make our own punchcards and send'm through the mail. B: At least you had mail. We stapled our punchcards to passing hobos and hoped they made it somewhere with a router.