7 ms·

Some people let themselves be force into things. I find it quite sad that they lack the strength to just say no. Edit: Peer pressure is a bitch especially when

by Fuxy 13y ago

Some people let themselves be force into things. I find it quite sad that they lack the strength to just say no. Edit: Peer pressure is a bitch especially when it's from your own family but don't let yourself be manipulated by it. Edit2: Some people have pointed out that it's not easy and in certain cultures be enough to kill a person. Now it's amazing that this in this day and age that is acceptable but i guess you can get away with anything if you say the magic word: "It's my religion/culture". However ask yourself this: I have 1 life am i willing to spend it all in a cage with some people i barely know making the rules? If the answer is yes the the give up already you don't have a choice if the answer is no do whatever it takes.

hav 13y ago
It's hard to have the strength to say no in certain situations. Not everyone is in the same position as you to say no.
levosmetalo 13y ago
It's not only about personal strength, no one is strong enough to change deep cultural heritage and go alone against 1000 year long culture in which woman has no say. From the comments, it's obvious it's a forced marriage and that the OP couldn't do anything about it. It's not about her husbands family, it's also her family that first "sold" or forced her to marry, and then they want her to live with that guy. Who knows, may be some blood is in danger to be spilled if she plainly refuse to go. That all being said, I wish her good look to find a way to do it without putting herself in any kind of danger.
- Fuxy 13y ago
  Why do you assume that? Just because she's from Pakistan? Regardless my culture isn't that rosy either I just choose to reject it and was lucky that my family didn't really care. Regardless if you're life is in danger that's the equivalent of slavery and their not your family anymore their your masters. If you're OK with living that kind of life fine and just give up and go to the US otherwise you need to disappear and break contact with everybody you ever met. Either fight or give up it can't be both.
  - smtddr 13y ago
    I'm going to try to explain this; but words really won't do it justice. I cannot convey the strength of "cultural bonds" with text on a computer screen. As someone from a Nigerian family, we too normally have very strong family bonds. You can't just do whatever you want. The closest thing I could compare it to is kinda of like, all your family is considered immediate-family. In the same way you must balance decisions with your spouse you also must consider everyone's feelings & wants - Even people who are not logically impacted by your decisions and live 1,000+ miles away. Just throwing away the family network brings you great shame. Yes, pure logic says "Why should I care what a bunch of elders 3,000 miles away think? They know nothing of what I'm going through." ...but somehow... you can't just do that. It's a major part of who you are and breaking those bonds will you empty inside and dishonored by your family(maybe friends too). This is even more the case with women of the culture. It's much easier to create an external reason to defy your family like this lady is trying to do - so it looks like "Hey, I tried to do what you told me. Something else got in the way! Sorry! But you still love me, right?" This will probably sound like nonsense to anyone not part of this type of cultural system.
    - Fuxy 13y ago
      You're probably right i don't understand it. That's a lot of energy and effort put into pleasing people whom can and probably do have ulterior motives just so you can belong to a group. Is that group really wort all that effort? Does belonging to that group get you where you want to go? The answer for me was a resounding no but it could be different for you. There's very few people worth my respect and consideration but I certainly wouldn't bother to please and entire village. If you're not pissing people off you're doing something wrong.
      - deleted 13y ago
        [deleted]
      - smtddr 13y ago
        Well, ya know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child.". That same mindset assumes the entire village is the family. So if you grow up in that world, you don't want to disappoint that community. >>If you're not pissing people off you're doing something wrong. I definitely try to run my life as opposite from this as reasonably possible. "Reasonably" being the word that's very debatable.
seren 13y ago
Remember that in certain circumstances and parts of the world "peer pressure" can mean honor killing.
kalleboo 13y ago
> Now it's amazing that this in this day and age that is acceptable but i guess you can get away with anything if you say the magic word: "It's my religion/culture". I don't think anyone here is saying it's acceptable. But maybe there's a easier way than instantly rebelling, losing her funding for living expenses/college, and possibly getting a headhunter after her. Perhaps she can keep up the "denied entry into the US" lie long enough to make it finish college and become more independent, and then have the strength to fight? Being pragmatic instead of idealistic isn't always wrong. Especially when your future life is on the line.

by Fuxy 13y ago

hav 13y ago

It's hard to have the strength to say no in certain situations. Not everyone is in the same position as you to say no.

levosmetalo 13y ago

It's not only about personal strength, no one is strong enough to change deep cultural heritage and go alone against 1000 year long culture in which woman has no say. From the comments, it's obvious it's a forced marriage and that the OP couldn't do anything about it. It's not about her husbands family, it's also her family that first "sold" or forced her to marry, and then they want her to live with that guy. Who knows, may be some blood is in danger to be spilled if she plainly refuse to go. That all being said, I wish her good look to find a way to do it without putting herself in any kind of danger.

Fuxy 13y ago
Why do you assume that? Just because she's from Pakistan? Regardless my culture isn't that rosy either I just choose to reject it and was lucky that my family didn't really care. Regardless if you're life is in danger that's the equivalent of slavery and their not your family anymore their your masters. If you're OK with living that kind of life fine and just give up and go to the US otherwise you need to disappear and break contact with everybody you ever met. Either fight or give up it can't be both.
- smtddr 13y ago
  I'm going to try to explain this; but words really won't do it justice. I cannot convey the strength of "cultural bonds" with text on a computer screen. As someone from a Nigerian family, we too normally have very strong family bonds. You can't just do whatever you want. The closest thing I could compare it to is kinda of like, all your family is considered immediate-family. In the same way you must balance decisions with your spouse you also must consider everyone's feelings & wants - Even people who are not logically impacted by your decisions and live 1,000+ miles away. Just throwing away the family network brings you great shame. Yes, pure logic says "Why should I care what a bunch of elders 3,000 miles away think? They know nothing of what I'm going through." ...but somehow... you can't just do that. It's a major part of who you are and breaking those bonds will you empty inside and dishonored by your family(maybe friends too). This is even more the case with women of the culture. It's much easier to create an external reason to defy your family like this lady is trying to do - so it looks like "Hey, I tried to do what you told me. Something else got in the way! Sorry! But you still love me, right?" This will probably sound like nonsense to anyone not part of this type of cultural system.
  - Fuxy 13y ago
    You're probably right i don't understand it. That's a lot of energy and effort put into pleasing people whom can and probably do have ulterior motives just so you can belong to a group. Is that group really wort all that effort? Does belonging to that group get you where you want to go? The answer for me was a resounding no but it could be different for you. There's very few people worth my respect and consideration but I certainly wouldn't bother to please and entire village. If you're not pissing people off you're doing something wrong.
    - deleted 13y ago
      [deleted]
    - smtddr 13y ago
      Well, ya know the saying "It takes a village to raise a child.". That same mindset assumes the entire village is the family. So if you grow up in that world, you don't want to disappoint that community. >>If you're not pissing people off you're doing something wrong. I definitely try to run my life as opposite from this as reasonably possible. "Reasonably" being the word that's very debatable.

seren 13y ago

Remember that in certain circumstances and parts of the world "peer pressure" can mean honor killing.

kalleboo 13y ago

> Now it's amazing that this in this day and age that is acceptable but i guess you can get away with anything if you say the magic word: "It's my religion/culture". I don't think anyone here is saying it's acceptable. But maybe there's a easier way than instantly rebelling, losing her funding for living expenses/college, and possibly getting a headhunter after her. Perhaps she can keep up the "denied entry into the US" lie long enough to make it finish college and become more independent, and then have the strength to fight? Being pragmatic instead of idealistic isn't always wrong. Especially when your future life is on the line.