I am getting close to 40. > As someone who is on the precipice of turning 30 (27 currently), speaking strictly for myself - I've found that loneliness for me a

I am getting close to 40. > As someone who is on the precipice of turning 30 (27 currently), speaking strictly for myself - I've found that loneliness for me and my older peers is different from the angst of adolescence a la Holden. Absolutely. Also I think it varies by age. When you are in your 60's, retiring, kids have grown and left, etc. I think that's one of the most lonely times in the lives of Americans. I watch my wife's grandmother who lives with various children as is convenient for them, and she may not have a permanent home or a lot of stuff of her own, but she is happier than most Americans I have seen in retirement. Having watched my own grandparents struggle with loneliness in retirement despite the fact that we have a reasonably close family by American standards is one of the reasons why I am relatively adamant that independent retirement is not a good thing. But having lived in both kinds of cultures, I don't think most of my fellow Americans are ready to make the tradeoffs that this would involve. > Do you focus on your family or really close friends after twenties, or do you focus on pursuing your own ideas with a community of likely-minded people, or do you come up with some kind of philosophical reconciliation? Yes to all three. But I think there is also a feeling when you are in your 20's that if you find that special someone you won't be lonely anymore. Well, that never really happens. So you start having a family, your social life constricts, and you find you are still lonely. What you have to do is find communities of like-minded people who you can work with, and you also have to come to terms with the fact that having other people may be necessary to prevent loneliness but it is not sufficient, and at some point you have to learn to focus on what you have instead of what you don't.