I think this very much depends on what your kids are like. Are they very outgoing and good in new situations? Then it most likely won't matter where you send

I think this very much depends on what your kids are like. Are they very outgoing and good in new situations? Then it most likely won't matter where you send them - they will find a place they fit in and have a great group of friends they can be supported by. However if they may not be as naturally personable, then looking into what the school itself offers and how your child will be able to take advantage of that is crucial. And the other huge factor to me is what your kids want to study. A big factor in this person getting into this situation in the first place was the crushing sense of loneliness she felt at Penn due to the fact that she couldn't have real social interactions with her friends. There was always some secondary motive (studying most often) that didn't allow her to just relax and be comfortable. I went to a large state school where people certainly valued doing well at school, but where socializing and being there for each other was paramount. There just wasn't such an ingrained culture of '4.0 GPA or death' that seems to come up in these more competitive schools. I had a bunch of friends with minor to severe mental health issues and there was never any doubt about what came first - grades or friends, and this seemed to be the way I saw most people interact. However I was also lucky to be in a field where my side-projects and initiative counted for more than anything else. If I had been trying to become a doctor, or a lawyer, or some trader on Wall Street, my choice in schools could have been a serious detriment to my career. But to me becoming a well adjusted person and learning to deal with all the world can throw at you were perhaps the most important things I got out of college. Just my 2 cents.