4 ms·

"I got very lucky and found a wife who's smarter than me, and she keeps me on my toes and from drawing the world down into my brain and further isolating myself

by larrys 13y ago

"I got very lucky and found a wife who's smarter than me, and she keeps me on my toes and from drawing the world down into my brain and further isolating myself with walls of internally consistent, but bad ideas. I've never figured out how to predict her thinking process beyond some high level abstract patterns. I think she does it on purpose, to keep me appreciative of her." "a wife who's smarter than me" Would love to know what metric you use to determine that she is smarter than you are. (I have some guesses of course but would rather hear why you think that and then reply with my thoughts.) I don't think it's a simple as "she keeps me on my toes".

bane 13y ago
I remember when we were dating, we got in an argument about something, I don't remember what exactly, and a typical lover's debate ensued. In a debate I'm usually able to rationally disassemble another person's arguments and "win"...and I remember the moment that she presented her argument and it was different than mine and I realized she was absolutely correct and I had built a sloppy argument in my mind. I told myself, "I can't let her do that to me again", because it didn't feel good to actually really lose an argument because the other person was authentically correct and I was wrong. And then it happened again and again. I had never met another human being where that happened, ever. If I feel this confident about my argument, it means I usually know it well enough that I can out argue anybody, it got me out of lots of fist fights in school, but also into lots of trouble with my teachers as I disassembled their lessons -- literary symbolism was a bad class for me for example as I challenged many of the asserted symbols and interpretations. If I don't know it well enough I usually just keep quiet about it or don't get involved in a debate in the first place, and instead sit back and quietly learn. But with her, she was able to, with less information, completely out-think me. To this day she still does it with alarming regularity. She's been amazing, she helps me clarify my thinking and keep focused and not get caught up in negative thinking and actions too much. She comes up with and gives me constant challenges that take years to complete and keep me engaged in constructive positive thinking rather than destructive/deconstructive thinking. She's helped me get past decades of hurt and social isolation from my childhood and has literally polished me into a productive member of society.
- larrys 13y ago
  Thanks for your reply. Wow that's really interesting and great as well. [1] Won't get into why I think my wife is "smart" and won't say anymore lest she reads this and the wrong thing happens! (I'll leave it at that). That said I'm always amazed at the number of people I've run into who think there is some downside to not having a basically "stupid" woman that is totally dependent on the husband. I've had people actually question why I would want to be married to someone who is "smart". (My wife is a Physician so people automatically think "smart"). [2] [1] Typically when someone thinks someone is smart [3] it's because they know something the other person doesn't and can run circles around them. (Reason why people say "he's really good with computers" in other words anything more than what they know is "really smart".) Anyway in the case of what you have presented above you say: a) "In a debate I'm usually able to rationally disassemble another person's arguments and "win"' (So you think you are good at this) then b) "I remember the moment that she presented her argument and it was different than mine and I realized she was absolutely correct " (So you see she is better at something you think you are really good at that really intesifies things since you have a point of reference (whereas people evaluating the computer guy have less of that for sure) c) "And then it happened again and again." d) "I had never met another human being where that happened, ever." So you are in awe of her because your metric is your own intelligence which you have already figured out is quite high. And you have proof of that from past experience. [2] I dated another woman who was a Physician and she didn't know you couldn't heat a pizza in a pizza box in other words that paper burned in the oven. (really). So much for that type of smarts. [3] Edit: Other than the obvious markers like degree, grades, job title etc.
  - bane 13y ago
    > So you are in awe of her because your metric is your own intelligence which you have already figured out is quite high. And you have proof of that from past experience. Yeah, I suppose that would be the metric then! It's fantastic to have somebody, everyday, who constantly challenges me and forces me to exercise my mind. I would definitely have had trouble with a "trophy" wife...and actually I find that I get along better with men who have highly intelligent wives better than men who have hot trophy wives.

by larrys 13y ago

bane 13y ago

I remember when we were dating, we got in an argument about something, I don't remember what exactly, and a typical lover's debate ensued. In a debate I'm usually able to rationally disassemble another person's arguments and "win"...and I remember the moment that she presented her argument and it was different than mine and I realized she was absolutely correct and I had built a sloppy argument in my mind. I told myself, "I can't let her do that to me again", because it didn't feel good to actually really lose an argument because the other person was authentically correct and I was wrong. And then it happened again and again. I had never met another human being where that happened, ever. If I feel this confident about my argument, it means I usually know it well enough that I can out argue anybody, it got me out of lots of fist fights in school, but also into lots of trouble with my teachers as I disassembled their lessons -- literary symbolism was a bad class for me for example as I challenged many of the asserted symbols and interpretations. If I don't know it well enough I usually just keep quiet about it or don't get involved in a debate in the first place, and instead sit back and quietly learn. But with her, she was able to, with less information, completely out-think me. To this day she still does it with alarming regularity. She's been amazing, she helps me clarify my thinking and keep focused and not get caught up in negative thinking and actions too much. She comes up with and gives me constant challenges that take years to complete and keep me engaged in constructive positive thinking rather than destructive/deconstructive thinking. She's helped me get past decades of hurt and social isolation from my childhood and has literally polished me into a productive member of society.

larrys 13y ago
Thanks for your reply. Wow that's really interesting and great as well. [1] Won't get into why I think my wife is "smart" and won't say anymore lest she reads this and the wrong thing happens! (I'll leave it at that). That said I'm always amazed at the number of people I've run into who think there is some downside to not having a basically "stupid" woman that is totally dependent on the husband. I've had people actually question why I would want to be married to someone who is "smart". (My wife is a Physician so people automatically think "smart"). [2] [1] Typically when someone thinks someone is smart [3] it's because they know something the other person doesn't and can run circles around them. (Reason why people say "he's really good with computers" in other words anything more than what they know is "really smart".) Anyway in the case of what you have presented above you say: a) "In a debate I'm usually able to rationally disassemble another person's arguments and "win"' (So you think you are good at this) then b) "I remember the moment that she presented her argument and it was different than mine and I realized she was absolutely correct " (So you see she is better at something you think you are really good at that really intesifies things since you have a point of reference (whereas people evaluating the computer guy have less of that for sure) c) "And then it happened again and again." d) "I had never met another human being where that happened, ever." So you are in awe of her because your metric is your own intelligence which you have already figured out is quite high. And you have proof of that from past experience. [2] I dated another woman who was a Physician and she didn't know you couldn't heat a pizza in a pizza box in other words that paper burned in the oven. (really). So much for that type of smarts. [3] Edit: Other than the obvious markers like degree, grades, job title etc.
- bane 13y ago
  > So you are in awe of her because your metric is your own intelligence which you have already figured out is quite high. And you have proof of that from past experience. Yeah, I suppose that would be the metric then! It's fantastic to have somebody, everyday, who constantly challenges me and forces me to exercise my mind. I would definitely have had trouble with a "trophy" wife...and actually I find that I get along better with men who have highly intelligent wives better than men who have hot trophy wives.