I've actually found that quite a few of the attendees of these events are usually people who already (are trying to) fit in with mainstream hacker culture, but

I've actually found that quite a few of the attendees of these events are usually people who already (are trying to) fit in with mainstream hacker culture, but whom often experience similar kinds of challenges in doing so and enjoy being able to both openly discuss these things and not have to worry about them for a bit. Was that different at the events you visited?