I agree that it's not a binary situation - I know many people who are capable programmers and have an acceptable sense of style, social skills and other interes

I agree that it's not a binary situation - I know many people who are capable programmers and have an acceptable sense of style, social skills and other interests. However, time is limited and unless you're exceedingly capable you have to make tradeoffs. It takes an extraordinarily large amount of time to become a truly competent programmer, and if you're spending that time in front a computer you're not actively working at building friendships, thinking about fashion, thinking about music or working on any of the other things that might be equated with being attractive or popular in the vicious world of teenage social structures.