5 ms·

There's theory and then there's reality. There are many attractive women/men who are wondering why noone attractive is chatting them up.

• 4chan 17y ago
  Simple explanation. Unattractive people are more used to rejection, and also are more likely to approach when they're not as into someone, so they mind it less. Attractive people have less experience with rejection and approach others selectively, so it hurts more.
• 4711 17y ago
  Simple explanation. Unattractive people approach less selectively and have more experience with rejection, so they're less sensitive to it. Attractive people tend to be much more risk-averse.
• deleted 17y ago
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• mrshoe 17y ago
  Fear of failure is the main reason one would not chat up an attractive girl. The point of this article is that men think they are going to fail, not because they are not attractive, but because attractive girls must have so many other options. Therefore, it is somewhat independent of the man's assessment of his own attractiveness. This model is probably oversimplified, however, as self-confidence must play a role in there somewhere.
  • endtime 17y ago
    >Therefore, it is somewhat independent of the man's assessment of his own attractiveness. The article does mention Guy's evaluation of himself as a candidate. And, intuitively, if Guy considers himself to be extremely attractive, then he should consider p(a) to be accordingly higher.
    • indiejade 17y ago
      Keep in mind that it works the other way, too: extreme attractiveness can also be a repellent for women. Especially if the guy has a big ego, is a player, etc. (not many nerds are, but some are). When it comes to relationships, most women I know of prefer loyalty over physical attractiveness, even if they say otherwise. Of course, there is also the issue of persistence, which cannot be entirely discounted.
  • deleted 17y ago
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  • 1gor 17y ago
    Carol situation is a case of prisoner's dilemma, which may be presented in a bit shorter way than the article does. Let's use standard game theory terms for the possible actions of one male individual: 'Cooperate' (C) = to publicly approach an attractive girl 'Defect' (D) = to ignore the girl, read the paper instead So, imagine yourself walking into a cafe and seeing Carol at a table. She has been there for a while, and you have no way of knowing if some other guy has already approached her (or if Carol has a boyfriend). Let's assume for the sake of simplicity that the first man who dares to approach Carol always gets her telephone number (her nice way to reward him for being brave). That automatically means that the second guy will be rejected and feel bad. The outcomes are (in order of preference): CD = You dare to speak to Carol, you are the winner, the other guys didn't dare to approach her. DD = Every man in the room reads the paper, Carol sits alone. DC = You choose to ignore the girl, then some lucky bastard walks across the room and gets her number. Bad, but you have not lost your face. CC = The worst outcome. You have approached Carol, but she is already involved with someone else. You walk back to your table, feeling miserable. You notice that second and third outcome are somewhat identical, there is no gain, but also no real damage. A rational person may well prefer to do nothing and land in the 'neutral' area where 50% of total outcomes lay, rather than to approach Carol and to have 25% chance of success vs. 25% chance of a complete disaster. --- I think it is not the women's attractiveness that acts as a repellent, but uncertainty of her status (has or has not a partner already). The way for Carol so improve her situation is to develop some sort of signalling that says she doesn't mind to be approached (flirting used to do the trick in old times).
    • bkovitz 17y ago
      This analysis is just wrong. There is no shame or misery in finding out that Carol already has a partner. The really bad outcome is that she's totally alone, but she finds you such a dork, she humiliates you with a zinger that everyone around can hear. Also, women give their phone number to more than one man. They don't have a "first man only" rule. The reason a lot of guys, especially nerds, won't approach Carol is that they see her as holding higher social status than they do, so it feels extremely uncomfortable. The "popular" (high-status) guys will approach her confidently and playfully. People tend to group with others of approximately the same social status. To really learn about this stuff, you have to put the math book away and socialize with people.
• Dilpil 17y ago
  Well if you know yourself to be attractive, the problem is even more acute. Why approach another attractive person when you will most likely be approached yourself?
  • 321abc 17y ago
    Because you know that attractive people are less likely to be approached.