5 ms·

Sometimes certain groups of people have a darker sense of humor, and often resort to absurd, obnoxious, and offensive forms of humor. I know I do. Understand th

Sometimes certain groups of people have a darker sense of humor, and often resort to absurd, obnoxious, and offensive forms of humor. I know I do. Understand that this person is just another person, and probably got too comfortable on a rant meant for just his friends and spoke louder than he should have. If it's a consistent thing, at least confront the guy on the side, you two might be able to have a laugh about it. If he persists and rants right in your face, yeah, put his job on the line and take it to HR. He's just another person and we all fuck up. I totally get no one should have to put up with this in the workplace, but was his transgression so bad that you can't at least talk to him first. I honestly don't think being offended is worse than putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy. The man may be an idiot, but he might have kids, a wife, who knows.

deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
humbledrone 13y ago
> I honestly don't think being offended is worse than putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy. Sorry to be a little bit rude here, but this is such bunch of crap. The person reporting this is not "putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy," the person who did something report-worthy is. There are two situations: 1. The offender really did say things offensive enough that, if reported, HR might fire him. In this case, it's his own damn fault if he gets fired, not the fault of the person who reports him. 2. Maybe after looking at the context, HR decides that the guy wasn't offensive enough to fire. Maybe he's warned, or it's otherwise worked out amicably and everyone's happy. Again, whatever happens is not the reporter's fault. It's not the reporter's responsibility to hide things from HR. If the offender has a wife and kids and who knows what else, maybe they should not do things that might get them fired.
- runawaybottle 13y ago
  Look, the guy overheard a rant at lunch. Is that the same as consistent and deliberate gay bashing? What most likely happened here? The ranter probably got too loud talking amongst a group of people who are comfortable with nature of the topic. It's a persons job vs someone being offended (most likely indirectly). Be reasonable, and consider proportional reciprocity. Pull the guy aside at least, this is just another person, not a tiger, not a snake, just a human.
  - reeses 13y ago
    As a person who ended up in a kerfluffle over some things said to coworker friends, offsite, at a casual non-work event, I understand whereof you speak. However, the instant it's on site, talking to HR about it is the right thing to do. They will give advice about the situation as well as document that you raised the issue. It's largely a CYA move in that you're assertively defending yourself against claims listing you among the group of people engaged in dumbass behavior. You can also anonymize the source of the humor. HR doesn't care about you, the joker, or even gay people. HR cares about protecting the company. They'll send an email proscribing such tomfoolery and consider the issue resolved.
  - humbledrone 13y ago
    I wasn't there, I don't know the context, I can't judge how offensive this person was. I don't really see why you think it's somehow more likely that it's just "gay bashing in good fun," but that's really immaterial to the situation, since neither of us was there. What I do know is that it is absolutely reasonable for an offended listener to talk to HR honestly about the situation. Not everyone is comfortable being directly confrontational about that kind of thing, and people in HR are paid to address exactly that kind of situation. > Pull the guy aside at least, this is just another person, not a tiger, not a snake, just a human. Tigers and snakes generally don't make racist/sexist/gayist remarks. Anyway, humans are far more dangerous...
    - runawaybottle 13y ago
      >Tigers and snakes generally don't make racist/sexist/gayist remarks. Anyway, humans are far more dangerous... No, they bite your face off instead. It'd almost be better if the snake said something racist and moved along lol. You know what humans do? They make mistakes, and are often reasonable and have the possibility of changing. Pull the guy aside, he's not a snake.
      - edavis 13y ago
        > You know what humans do? They make mistakes, and are often reasonable and have the possibility of changing. When I was 5 or 6 I put my hand on a coffee pot warmer because I thought it was a scale. That was a mistake. Going on a five minute rant against gay people that made (at least) one person very uncomfortable? That's not a mistake. That's creating a hostile work environment. This is why HR departments exist. Let them evaluate what happened and determine if any guidelines set by the company were broken.
eshvk 13y ago
Let me put this across in a different way. Suppose you are interviewing a guy and he expresses the same opinion. Hell, let us change the context bit (assuming you are American/European), assume he comes by and tells you that he think that Jews are controlling the media or denies the holocaust. Would you laugh it off and be OK with hiring him? After all, it could just be him having a darker sense of humor. After all, he might have kids, a wife, who knows. Yes, we all fuck up in life. Guess what, sometimes, second chances are hard to come by.
- scotth 13y ago
  What do kids or a wife have to do with anything?
- scotth 13y ago
  Second comment, you're an idiot. This is crazy talk. Get some perspective.
kohanz 13y ago
The whole point of reporting the incident is that it's HR's job to track and decide whether this is a one-off rant or a pattern of public homophobic behavior, not the OP's. Say he doesn't report this incident and then it happens again two months from now. Is he then supposed to go to HR and report both incidents at once?! In that case, it's definitely the person's job on the line, whereas if HR gets notified the first time, perhaps they get a chance to warn the individual before they step over the line too many times.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

humbledrone 13y ago

> I honestly don't think being offended is worse than putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy. Sorry to be a little bit rude here, but this is such bunch of crap. The person reporting this is not "putting someone's livelihood in jeopardy," the person who did something report-worthy is. There are two situations: 1. The offender really did say things offensive enough that, if reported, HR might fire him. In this case, it's his own damn fault if he gets fired, not the fault of the person who reports him. 2. Maybe after looking at the context, HR decides that the guy wasn't offensive enough to fire. Maybe he's warned, or it's otherwise worked out amicably and everyone's happy. Again, whatever happens is not the reporter's fault. It's not the reporter's responsibility to hide things from HR. If the offender has a wife and kids and who knows what else, maybe they should not do things that might get them fired.

runawaybottle 13y ago
Look, the guy overheard a rant at lunch. Is that the same as consistent and deliberate gay bashing? What most likely happened here? The ranter probably got too loud talking amongst a group of people who are comfortable with nature of the topic. It's a persons job vs someone being offended (most likely indirectly). Be reasonable, and consider proportional reciprocity. Pull the guy aside at least, this is just another person, not a tiger, not a snake, just a human.
- reeses 13y ago
  As a person who ended up in a kerfluffle over some things said to coworker friends, offsite, at a casual non-work event, I understand whereof you speak. However, the instant it's on site, talking to HR about it is the right thing to do. They will give advice about the situation as well as document that you raised the issue. It's largely a CYA move in that you're assertively defending yourself against claims listing you among the group of people engaged in dumbass behavior. You can also anonymize the source of the humor. HR doesn't care about you, the joker, or even gay people. HR cares about protecting the company. They'll send an email proscribing such tomfoolery and consider the issue resolved.
- humbledrone 13y ago
  I wasn't there, I don't know the context, I can't judge how offensive this person was. I don't really see why you think it's somehow more likely that it's just "gay bashing in good fun," but that's really immaterial to the situation, since neither of us was there. What I do know is that it is absolutely reasonable for an offended listener to talk to HR honestly about the situation. Not everyone is comfortable being directly confrontational about that kind of thing, and people in HR are paid to address exactly that kind of situation. > Pull the guy aside at least, this is just another person, not a tiger, not a snake, just a human. Tigers and snakes generally don't make racist/sexist/gayist remarks. Anyway, humans are far more dangerous...
  - runawaybottle 13y ago
    >Tigers and snakes generally don't make racist/sexist/gayist remarks. Anyway, humans are far more dangerous... No, they bite your face off instead. It'd almost be better if the snake said something racist and moved along lol. You know what humans do? They make mistakes, and are often reasonable and have the possibility of changing. Pull the guy aside, he's not a snake.
    - edavis 13y ago
      > You know what humans do? They make mistakes, and are often reasonable and have the possibility of changing. When I was 5 or 6 I put my hand on a coffee pot warmer because I thought it was a scale. That was a mistake. Going on a five minute rant against gay people that made (at least) one person very uncomfortable? That's not a mistake. That's creating a hostile work environment. This is why HR departments exist. Let them evaluate what happened and determine if any guidelines set by the company were broken.

eshvk 13y ago

Let me put this across in a different way. Suppose you are interviewing a guy and he expresses the same opinion. Hell, let us change the context bit (assuming you are American/European), assume he comes by and tells you that he think that Jews are controlling the media or denies the holocaust. Would you laugh it off and be OK with hiring him? After all, it could just be him having a darker sense of humor. After all, he might have kids, a wife, who knows. Yes, we all fuck up in life. Guess what, sometimes, second chances are hard to come by.

scotth 13y ago
What do kids or a wife have to do with anything?
scotth 13y ago
Second comment, you're an idiot. This is crazy talk. Get some perspective.

kohanz 13y ago

The whole point of reporting the incident is that it's HR's job to track and decide whether this is a one-off rant or a pattern of public homophobic behavior, not the OP's. Say he doesn't report this incident and then it happens again two months from now. Is he then supposed to go to HR and report both incidents at once?! In that case, it's definitely the person's job on the line, whereas if HR gets notified the first time, perhaps they get a chance to warn the individual before they step over the line too many times.