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Communication is ultimately an expression of an individual's inner attitude, and to call this a quirk of language is focusing too much on the actions without gi
by kirse 13y ago
Communication is ultimately an expression of an individual's inner attitude, and to call this a quirk of language is focusing too much on the actions without giving any thought as to the attitude that produces those actions.
If one has an internally confident, go-gettin', "always be closing" attitude, all of their actions and communication will flow from that. It's a much better use of energy to focus on cultivating a quiet confidence, rather than attempting to build up a collection of manipulative "power tricks" to be deployed in an inauthentic fashion.
Another thing to recognize is that people who are confident will pick up on the motives of these power tricks, because they'll sense an incongruity in character during communication. When someone who is typically timid and passive acts in an aggressive manner, it stands out like a nerd taking a swing at the jock. Even worse, confident people will push back to see if the user of said "power trick" is for real, which requires the next "power trick" to keep up the act.
So yeah, these might work on some people, but I personally intensely dislike it when I pick up on these things. Not that I'm the paragon of confidence by any means, but I actively rebel & push back when I feel like I'm being controlled/constrained or "should-ed" into doing something. What ultimately ends up happening with these "power tricks" is you have people like Dustin Curtis writing about how "you should do X", and then a ton of idiots mimicking the behavior and annoying the rest of us.
- slaman 13y agoWhat about the (somewhat proven) idea that pulling these 'power tricks' to keep up the act, and seeing them return positive results does cultivate the inner confidence we should be seeking. How should one focus on cultivating a quiet confidence while never taking action? While it's true that often feigned confidence appears weak and insincere it is also one of the best ways to develop 'real' confidence.. We're all just faking it until we make it.
- kirse 13y agoHow should one focus on cultivating a quiet confidence while never taking action? I didn't say it was an either/or dichotomy between attitude and action, simply that there was zero thought given to the attitude, which is the source from which all of our actions and behaviors flow. Obviously there must be some balance -- because we are called to act with courage even when the confident attitude isn't quite there yet -- but a list of "power tricks" is 100% focused on just imitating the actions without improving one's inner attitude. We're all just faking it until we make it. Sure, someone who imitates actions/behaviors without any change of heart/attitude is "faking it." In fact, this is the greatest reason why people fail to achieve long-lasting personal change, because it requires too much effort to "fake it" in every area of life. But this trite saying about "faking it" does not apply to the man who does the hard work of reshaping his inner attitude (along with acting in the face of fear as life demands). If you want oranges instead of apples from the tree in your back yard, you don't spend your days hanging oranges on the apple tree. You dig up the apple tree and nurture an orange tree.