5 ms·

IMO, don't do any business with a friend you want to keep for life. Actually, don't even lend them any money. One of my best friends from high school was in a

by dba7dba 13y ago

IMO, don't do any business with a friend you want to keep for life. Actually, don't even lend them any money. One of my best friends from high school was in a tight spot for rent (laid off, lost house, evicted, all with wife+2kids), so I loaned him 1.5 months worth of rent. Result? I haven't gotten the money back after 3+ years. And it destroyed our friendship. It's not the money that really hurts. The worst thing is he won't even return phone/email. I know he's just avoiding because of the shame of not being able to pay back. I regret loaning him the money, because the cost was far more costly than the $. It cost our friendship.

DLarsen 13y ago
If you're able to help out a friend or loved one, it's far better to just give a gift and expect nothing in return. Don't even expect any kind of recognition or credit. Although some folks might feel some kind of obligation to return a favor in the future, helping in this way is far less likely to ruin relationships.
- dba7dba 13y ago
  Sad thing is I never expected any recognition or credit. Never asked for interest. Only sent gently worded email reminders about 2 times, like months after. I know not situations will work out the way mine did, but I would advise against any significant financial transaction with 'friends' that you want to keep as 'friends'.
  - DLarsen 13y ago
    Perhaps you could restore the relationship around by forgiving the debt. "Hey, I really regret loaning you that money. Hard lesson learned. Don't worry about paying me back. As far as I'm concerned we're back to square one; you don't owe me a penny. Our relationship is way more important than the money." Easier said than done, but you'd probably get your friend back.
    - weaksauce 13y ago
      I'd say don't say regret. The negative connotation of that is not as good as... "Hey, I know you have been on hard times and feel guilty for not paying back that loan. Don't worry about paying...(the rest of your phrasing)
    - pawn 13y ago
      I'd suggest leaving off the first two sentences.
  - kelnos 13y ago
    I think the parent's point was that (in hindsight) it would have been better to just give the money as a gift, and not as a loan. My general philosophy about that sort of thing is that, if the sum isn't materially significant to me, and I care about the person enough to help them out of a jam, it's far simpler to just give it without any expectation of return. If they are able to pay it back, and feel like they must, then that's fine. If not, that's also fine. If they can't pay it back, but still feel like they owe me something, and offer to do me a favor of some kind in the future, that's great too. But none of it is necessary, and I won't care either way, as long as I believe they appreciate the help.
- busterarm 13y ago
  I don't know. A lot of times gifts have attachments...whether it's wanting the person to show their appreciation or you wanting to choose how they use their gift. Then it's not really a gift. It's still a big risk. How would you feel if you gifted a friend rent money and they blew it on something else?
  - DLarsen 13y ago
    Yeah. I'm advocating gifts with absolutely no strings attached. They may very well blow it on something else. Or they may pay rent and then a few months later buy an expensive toy rather than paying you back. You have to factor in that possibility up front. If they don't seem to appreciate it, don't hold it against them. After all it's better to give than receive.
codezero 13y ago
Same thing happened with me and my friend who was my roommate. I lent him $1200 for a cell phone bill (in the 90s). He stopped paying me back and I remember getting infuriated when he bought a used PlayStation and a bunch of games. After our lease was up, we parted ways and basically didn't keep in touch. I don't regret loaning him the money though, but in retrospect I would have rather it been very clear that I was giving it to him, if he had asked for that, I'd have probably done it anyways and written it off in beer.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
busterarm 13y ago
I was renting from my best friend a while back...bout 6-7 years ago. I'd been laid off from a job and was pretty depressed for a while and fell deep into WoW. I had money to keep paying rent for a while but I was like a spectre walking around the house so he kicked me out. It sucked but I didn't feel any animosity over it and we're still best friends to this day. I actually think it was the best thing that he could have done at the time. If there were any hardship where I really needed money, I don't think that I would ask any close friends...their friendships are worth too much to risk over money.
chris_mahan 13y ago
I don't loan money to friends for that reason. If they're in a tight spot and I can help them, I help them. I say: "It's a gift. When you can, help someone else." Then there's no pressure. Then I never, ever mention it again, not even in passing, not even jokingly. Never.
- dba7dba 13y ago
  I wish I had thought about 'it's a gift'. But too late now. Not too mention, I wasn't exactly raking in the $...
foobarian 13y ago
> I regret loaning him the money, because the cost was far more costly than the $. It cost our friendship. If it fell apart over mere 1.5 months of rent, it was not a real friendship. And it's cost was not much more than 1.5 months of rent ;)

by dba7dba 13y ago

DLarsen 13y ago

If you're able to help out a friend or loved one, it's far better to just give a gift and expect nothing in return. Don't even expect any kind of recognition or credit. Although some folks might feel some kind of obligation to return a favor in the future, helping in this way is far less likely to ruin relationships.

dba7dba 13y ago
Sad thing is I never expected any recognition or credit. Never asked for interest. Only sent gently worded email reminders about 2 times, like months after. I know not situations will work out the way mine did, but I would advise against any significant financial transaction with 'friends' that you want to keep as 'friends'.
- DLarsen 13y ago
  Perhaps you could restore the relationship around by forgiving the debt. "Hey, I really regret loaning you that money. Hard lesson learned. Don't worry about paying me back. As far as I'm concerned we're back to square one; you don't owe me a penny. Our relationship is way more important than the money." Easier said than done, but you'd probably get your friend back.
  - weaksauce 13y ago
    I'd say don't say regret. The negative connotation of that is not as good as... "Hey, I know you have been on hard times and feel guilty for not paying back that loan. Don't worry about paying...(the rest of your phrasing)
  - pawn 13y ago
    I'd suggest leaving off the first two sentences.
- kelnos 13y ago
  I think the parent's point was that (in hindsight) it would have been better to just give the money as a gift, and not as a loan. My general philosophy about that sort of thing is that, if the sum isn't materially significant to me, and I care about the person enough to help them out of a jam, it's far simpler to just give it without any expectation of return. If they are able to pay it back, and feel like they must, then that's fine. If not, that's also fine. If they can't pay it back, but still feel like they owe me something, and offer to do me a favor of some kind in the future, that's great too. But none of it is necessary, and I won't care either way, as long as I believe they appreciate the help.
busterarm 13y ago
I don't know. A lot of times gifts have attachments...whether it's wanting the person to show their appreciation or you wanting to choose how they use their gift. Then it's not really a gift. It's still a big risk. How would you feel if you gifted a friend rent money and they blew it on something else?
- DLarsen 13y ago
  Yeah. I'm advocating gifts with absolutely no strings attached. They may very well blow it on something else. Or they may pay rent and then a few months later buy an expensive toy rather than paying you back. You have to factor in that possibility up front. If they don't seem to appreciate it, don't hold it against them. After all it's better to give than receive.

codezero 13y ago

Same thing happened with me and my friend who was my roommate. I lent him $1200 for a cell phone bill (in the 90s). He stopped paying me back and I remember getting infuriated when he bought a used PlayStation and a bunch of games. After our lease was up, we parted ways and basically didn't keep in touch. I don't regret loaning him the money though, but in retrospect I would have rather it been very clear that I was giving it to him, if he had asked for that, I'd have probably done it anyways and written it off in beer.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

busterarm 13y ago

I was renting from my best friend a while back...bout 6-7 years ago. I'd been laid off from a job and was pretty depressed for a while and fell deep into WoW. I had money to keep paying rent for a while but I was like a spectre walking around the house so he kicked me out. It sucked but I didn't feel any animosity over it and we're still best friends to this day. I actually think it was the best thing that he could have done at the time. If there were any hardship where I really needed money, I don't think that I would ask any close friends...their friendships are worth too much to risk over money.

chris_mahan 13y ago

I don't loan money to friends for that reason. If they're in a tight spot and I can help them, I help them. I say: "It's a gift. When you can, help someone else." Then there's no pressure. Then I never, ever mention it again, not even in passing, not even jokingly. Never.

dba7dba 13y ago
I wish I had thought about 'it's a gift'. But too late now. Not too mention, I wasn't exactly raking in the $...

foobarian 13y ago

> I regret loaning him the money, because the cost was far more costly than the $. It cost our friendship. If it fell apart over mere 1.5 months of rent, it was not a real friendship. And it's cost was not much more than 1.5 months of rent ;)