6 ms·

Ask HN: What have you recently learned about yourself?

namenotrequired 13y ago
- I find it very hard to relax over the weekend. But when I manage to do so, it helps my productivity for the week a lot. - I can't stop something I don't like about myself merely by being aware of it.
tempBadPerson 13y ago
I am capable of domestic violence, despite a lot of evidence in my life that suggested I would never do such a thing or even need to worry about that side of myself.
- ElongatedTowel 13y ago
  Similar. In my case not violence and not necessarily targeted at other people, but I surprised myself how twisted my morals can get. I even contemplated suicide about it. Of course people come rushing and tell you that you have a mental illness because no one in his right mind would think of killing himself for something that might as well not happened as no one took notice of it. But it is in my mind and I have to life with my mind. Then again, centuries ago people raped and murdered and yet aspired to become great people. And some did. Certainly they never thought about ending their lifes merely because a million other people hoped they would die in a ditch.
  - ZenoArrow 13y ago
    Whatever it is you've done, or thought about, you should remember you always have choices, and one of the points that's crucial to making the best choices is... your past does not have to determine your future. Regardless of our past, we can change our future. Our ability to do so is governed by how intrinsic our past has become in shaping our current identity, how much we need to hold onto that past to feel like we know ourselves. Ask yourself this, if you could start life afresh, what would you want to do with it that you're not doing now?
    - ElongatedTowel 13y ago
      An often repeated thought. Yet at some point (usually when children or rape is involved) people tend to suddenly forget about tolerance or sympathy and throw around death sentences, castration or torture. There are certain mistakes one can not do even once in most societies. And in some cases, or rather in some countries you won't have a life to return to (or you're dead in the first place).
      - ZenoArrow 13y ago
        Yes, there is a point at which tolerance becomes harder to find, such as when children or rape is involved. However, to me, a wasted life is a waste. Imagine an individual serving a life sentence for a horrible crime that they were definitely guilty of. They may never get out of prison, fine, but putting aside their predicament, why wouldn't you hope for them to make the best of what life they have? There is no benefit or pleasure in holding grudges, there is plenty of benefit in helping others find a more fulfilling life. Some people like to demonise others in order to separate themselves from 'evil' people, but the truth is everyone of us is capable of 'good' and 'evil', all capable of making a positive or negative impact on the world around them, and I refuse to see someone as sub-human just because they've made some really poor choices up until now.
      - 3rd3 13y ago
        I think, one should carefully choose the thoughts to derive one’s actual moral standards from. We have constant access to all kinds of information with vastly varying moral standards and that certainly lowers the inhibition threshold quite a bit. In a traditional social setting it’s much more difficult to think about anything you want, because there are fewer stimulating responses.
        ElongatedTowel 13y ago
        I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Do you mean that it's easier to do something bad because we are surrounded by bad things happening? Or that it's easier to get rotten thoughts because we know so much about things that happened, are happening, or that were justified in ancient times?
- ZenoArrow 13y ago
  Whilst I do not condone domestic violence, I accept we are all capable of acting on thoughts that feel beyond our control. What do you think brought it out of you?
- namenotrequired 13y ago
  I'm very sorry to hear that, thank you for making an anonymous account to open up about it. I hope you are or will be able to deal with it well.
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- 567897 13y ago
  >I am capable of domestic violence, despite a lot of evidence in my life that suggested I would never do such a thing or even need to worry about that side of myself. Most people underestimate what they're capable of when angry.
ZenoArrow 13y ago
Plenty, but picking one lesson... aside from death, guilt is the biggest block to building positive momentum.
- ZenoArrow 13y ago
  Another lesson is that I seem to have picked up at least some narcissistic tendencies.
yarou 13y ago
That I spend an unhealthy amount of time on HN. In my defense, my day job is as dead end as it gets.
bradleysmith 13y ago
That I am not aware of some expectations I have of others until after they have been broken.
meerita 13y ago
That, every year, I'm becoming more and more cynical.
pmiller2 13y ago
I turn into a bumbling idiot when asked to code in front of anyone. Since I'm out of work, this is a bit of a problem. :P
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
NAFV_P 13y ago
I worry a lot about others thinking I'm a retard. I have practically no chance of getting a job in software development or something similar. I'm prone to being misquoted, which is probably worse than being misunderstood (I learnt I was prone to being misunderstood when I was about six). I really enjoy hideous data structures.
- victorhn 13y ago
  Unless you are very bad developer, like those that don't pass the fizzbuzz test, i don't see why somebody would not have chance to get a job in software development.
  - NAFV_P 13y ago
    I was recently told by someone who works for an IT recruitment agency that I would find it very hard to get a job unless I already worked in software development. Employers want people with experience. I think Jeff Atwood has written about prospective employees not passing fizzbuzz. He also mentioned people who claimed to have 15 years experience in software development taking 15 minutes to make a solution. #!/usr/bin/perl #1390894695.273252 #07:38:15 28/01/2014 #fizzbuzz.pl use warnings; use strict; my $i=1; for( ; $i<=100; ++$i) { if(!($i%3)) { print "fizz"; } if(!($i%5)) { print "buzz"; } if($i%3 and $i%5) { print "$i"; } print "\n"; } I started learning perl a couple of days ago.
- S4M 13y ago
  Why would you think people would view you as a retard? From your example below, you can do FizzBuzz, and I am sure at least writing some basic program. There, if you have difficulties to express yourself, it's just a matter of interview training. I am sure you will do well.
  - NAFV_P 13y ago
    > Why would you think people would view you as a retard? In the past, I have been classed as dumb by many different people. The term "intelligence" is hard to define, especially these days with lumps of silicon and metal being used to predict the weather up to five days in advance and simulating nuclear detonations. Because of this it is very open to interpretation. The closest I've got to a reasonable definition is nicked off Greg Chaitin, a researcher in information theory: Furnish an intelligence with a block of data, if the intelligence can compress the data, it has achieved some understanding of it. When it comes to writing basic programs, I'm most experienced in C. Something simple can easily turn into 600 lines of drunk double dutch. > There, if you have difficulties to express yourself, it's just a matter of interview training. I am sure you will do well. Unfortunately, I hardly ever get interviews. I have trouble getting a minimum wage job. The last interview I attended I mentioned writing a C program to determine the positive square root of two to fifteen decimal places without resorting to the standard library. As soon as I started trying to explain how it worked (just successive approximations then squaring the answer to check it), I think I blew their fuses.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
nicholas73 13y ago
It all goes back to childhood.
mcintyre1994 13y ago
That while I can really easily and quickly get myself engaged with an idea I come up with, I can't come up with an idea that doesn't suck...yet
- NAFV_P 13y ago
  > ... I can't come up with an idea that doesn't suck...yet Don't be hard on yourself, Sir James Dyson's invention of the bagless vacuum cleaner sucked loads, yet he's made millions.
  - mcintyre1994 13y ago
    Ha :) I guess it beats spending ages on something that sucks
2014OC00000XXX 13y ago
That I thrive in relatively structured work environments (as frustrating as they can be), but fall into apathy and depression in more horizontal/adhoc/Valve style places. This doesn't bode well for my potential move to SF/SV...
chewxy 13y ago
That I should actually give myself some credit and that I'm not that bad. I gave a talk on Javascript[0] recently when I went to Malaysia. I thought I did an extremely terrible hatchet job. The audience thought otherwise, and I took quite a long time (like a few days) to adjust to the fact that I did okay. edit: [0] slides if you're interested: https://speakerdeck.com/chewxy/underhanded-javascript-how-to-be-a-complete-arsehole-with-bad-javascript https://speakerdeck.com/chewxy/underhanded-javascript-how-to...
innertracks 13y ago
I've not been valuing myself. Being good with people and social situations as well as engineering and problem solving is valuable. At least that's what I'm having to remind myself. And I'm starting to believe it! The only real problem is when I'm programming or furthering my tech skills I feel like I'm short changing the social side. Same thing going the other direction. As I'm getting more comfortable with the tension between the two modes I'm feeling good about my potential as a consultant.
dfraser992 13y ago
That I have to absolutely get out of IT, because it has become a soulless, mind-breaking, and exhaustive way to be exploited by idiots. I suppose any job is like that, given how Western society is organized these days. But I have no other useful skills and though I have a work ethic, my CV is such that if I even applying for a bar job, or busing tables, ... "why the hell are you applying for this job?" I'm stuck and can't get over this reluctance to burn all my savings trying to change my direction in life.
- ZenoArrow 13y ago
  Apply for a part time/evening job doing something like bar work, when they ask you why you're applying say you need the extra money from a second job. Once you're settled, quit your job in IT and look for more shifts at your newer job.
- namenotrequired 13y ago
  Do you have to get out of IT entirely? I thought IT is a big enough field that no matter what kind of job you have, you're able to find something almost opposite of it. I'm sorry to see that I'm wrong. What is it that you need that you can't find within the IT field?
mattwritescode 13y ago
I am not very good at badminton.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
visakanv 13y ago
It's not a recent thing, but it gets clearer and clearer to me that I am far less in control of myself than I like to think. I mean this in the "Power Of Habit" sense- I run far more by routine than I'd like to think, and this leads to some suboptimal outcomes across all spheres.

- I find it very hard to relax over the weekend. But when I manage to do so, it helps my productivity for the week a lot. - I can't stop something I don't like about myself merely by being aware of it.

tempBadPerson 13y ago

I am capable of domestic violence, despite a lot of evidence in my life that suggested I would never do such a thing or even need to worry about that side of myself.

ElongatedTowel 13y ago
Similar. In my case not violence and not necessarily targeted at other people, but I surprised myself how twisted my morals can get. I even contemplated suicide about it. Of course people come rushing and tell you that you have a mental illness because no one in his right mind would think of killing himself for something that might as well not happened as no one took notice of it. But it is in my mind and I have to life with my mind. Then again, centuries ago people raped and murdered and yet aspired to become great people. And some did. Certainly they never thought about ending their lifes merely because a million other people hoped they would die in a ditch.
- ZenoArrow 13y ago
  Whatever it is you've done, or thought about, you should remember you always have choices, and one of the points that's crucial to making the best choices is... your past does not have to determine your future. Regardless of our past, we can change our future. Our ability to do so is governed by how intrinsic our past has become in shaping our current identity, how much we need to hold onto that past to feel like we know ourselves. Ask yourself this, if you could start life afresh, what would you want to do with it that you're not doing now?
  - ElongatedTowel 13y ago
    An often repeated thought. Yet at some point (usually when children or rape is involved) people tend to suddenly forget about tolerance or sympathy and throw around death sentences, castration or torture. There are certain mistakes one can not do even once in most societies. And in some cases, or rather in some countries you won't have a life to return to (or you're dead in the first place).
    - ZenoArrow 13y ago
      Yes, there is a point at which tolerance becomes harder to find, such as when children or rape is involved. However, to me, a wasted life is a waste. Imagine an individual serving a life sentence for a horrible crime that they were definitely guilty of. They may never get out of prison, fine, but putting aside their predicament, why wouldn't you hope for them to make the best of what life they have? There is no benefit or pleasure in holding grudges, there is plenty of benefit in helping others find a more fulfilling life. Some people like to demonise others in order to separate themselves from 'evil' people, but the truth is everyone of us is capable of 'good' and 'evil', all capable of making a positive or negative impact on the world around them, and I refuse to see someone as sub-human just because they've made some really poor choices up until now.
    - 3rd3 13y ago
      I think, one should carefully choose the thoughts to derive one’s actual moral standards from. We have constant access to all kinds of information with vastly varying moral standards and that certainly lowers the inhibition threshold quite a bit. In a traditional social setting it’s much more difficult to think about anything you want, because there are fewer stimulating responses.
      - ElongatedTowel 13y ago
        I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say. Do you mean that it's easier to do something bad because we are surrounded by bad things happening? Or that it's easier to get rotten thoughts because we know so much about things that happened, are happening, or that were justified in ancient times?
ZenoArrow 13y ago
Whilst I do not condone domestic violence, I accept we are all capable of acting on thoughts that feel beyond our control. What do you think brought it out of you?
namenotrequired 13y ago
I'm very sorry to hear that, thank you for making an anonymous account to open up about it. I hope you are or will be able to deal with it well.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
567897 13y ago
>I am capable of domestic violence, despite a lot of evidence in my life that suggested I would never do such a thing or even need to worry about that side of myself. Most people underestimate what they're capable of when angry.

ZenoArrow 13y ago

Plenty, but picking one lesson... aside from death, guilt is the biggest block to building positive momentum.

ZenoArrow 13y ago
Another lesson is that I seem to have picked up at least some narcissistic tendencies.

yarou 13y ago

That I spend an unhealthy amount of time on HN. In my defense, my day job is as dead end as it gets.

bradleysmith 13y ago

That I am not aware of some expectations I have of others until after they have been broken.

meerita 13y ago

That, every year, I'm becoming more and more cynical.

pmiller2 13y ago

I turn into a bumbling idiot when asked to code in front of anyone. Since I'm out of work, this is a bit of a problem. :P

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

NAFV_P 13y ago

I worry a lot about others thinking I'm a retard. I have practically no chance of getting a job in software development or something similar. I'm prone to being misquoted, which is probably worse than being misunderstood (I learnt I was prone to being misunderstood when I was about six). I really enjoy hideous data structures.

victorhn 13y ago
Unless you are very bad developer, like those that don't pass the fizzbuzz test, i don't see why somebody would not have chance to get a job in software development.
- NAFV_P 13y ago
  I was recently told by someone who works for an IT recruitment agency that I would find it very hard to get a job unless I already worked in software development. Employers want people with experience. I think Jeff Atwood has written about prospective employees not passing fizzbuzz. He also mentioned people who claimed to have 15 years experience in software development taking 15 minutes to make a solution. #!/usr/bin/perl #1390894695.273252 #07:38:15 28/01/2014 #fizzbuzz.pl use warnings; use strict; my $i=1; for( ; $i<=100; ++$i) { if(!($i%3)) { print "fizz"; } if(!($i%5)) { print "buzz"; } if($i%3 and $i%5) { print "$i"; } print "\n"; } I started learning perl a couple of days ago.
S4M 13y ago
Why would you think people would view you as a retard? From your example below, you can do FizzBuzz, and I am sure at least writing some basic program. There, if you have difficulties to express yourself, it's just a matter of interview training. I am sure you will do well.
- NAFV_P 13y ago
  > Why would you think people would view you as a retard? In the past, I have been classed as dumb by many different people. The term "intelligence" is hard to define, especially these days with lumps of silicon and metal being used to predict the weather up to five days in advance and simulating nuclear detonations. Because of this it is very open to interpretation. The closest I've got to a reasonable definition is nicked off Greg Chaitin, a researcher in information theory: Furnish an intelligence with a block of data, if the intelligence can compress the data, it has achieved some understanding of it. When it comes to writing basic programs, I'm most experienced in C. Something simple can easily turn into 600 lines of drunk double dutch. > There, if you have difficulties to express yourself, it's just a matter of interview training. I am sure you will do well. Unfortunately, I hardly ever get interviews. I have trouble getting a minimum wage job. The last interview I attended I mentioned writing a C program to determine the positive square root of two to fifteen decimal places without resorting to the standard library. As soon as I started trying to explain how it worked (just successive approximations then squaring the answer to check it), I think I blew their fuses.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

nicholas73 13y ago

It all goes back to childhood.

mcintyre1994 13y ago

That while I can really easily and quickly get myself engaged with an idea I come up with, I can't come up with an idea that doesn't suck...yet

NAFV_P 13y ago
> ... I can't come up with an idea that doesn't suck...yet Don't be hard on yourself, Sir James Dyson's invention of the bagless vacuum cleaner sucked loads, yet he's made millions.
- mcintyre1994 13y ago
  Ha :) I guess it beats spending ages on something that sucks

2014OC00000XXX 13y ago

That I thrive in relatively structured work environments (as frustrating as they can be), but fall into apathy and depression in more horizontal/adhoc/Valve style places. This doesn't bode well for my potential move to SF/SV...

chewxy 13y ago

That I should actually give myself some credit and that I'm not that bad. I gave a talk on Javascript[0] recently when I went to Malaysia. I thought I did an extremely terrible hatchet job. The audience thought otherwise, and I took quite a long time (like a few days) to adjust to the fact that I did okay. edit: [0] slides if you're interested: https://speakerdeck.com/chewxy/underhanded-javascript-how-to-be-a-complete-arsehole-with-bad-javascript https://speakerdeck.com/chewxy/underhanded-javascript-how-to...

innertracks 13y ago

I've not been valuing myself. Being good with people and social situations as well as engineering and problem solving is valuable. At least that's what I'm having to remind myself. And I'm starting to believe it! The only real problem is when I'm programming or furthering my tech skills I feel like I'm short changing the social side. Same thing going the other direction. As I'm getting more comfortable with the tension between the two modes I'm feeling good about my potential as a consultant.

dfraser992 13y ago

That I have to absolutely get out of IT, because it has become a soulless, mind-breaking, and exhaustive way to be exploited by idiots. I suppose any job is like that, given how Western society is organized these days. But I have no other useful skills and though I have a work ethic, my CV is such that if I even applying for a bar job, or busing tables, ... "why the hell are you applying for this job?" I'm stuck and can't get over this reluctance to burn all my savings trying to change my direction in life.

ZenoArrow 13y ago
Apply for a part time/evening job doing something like bar work, when they ask you why you're applying say you need the extra money from a second job. Once you're settled, quit your job in IT and look for more shifts at your newer job.
namenotrequired 13y ago
Do you have to get out of IT entirely? I thought IT is a big enough field that no matter what kind of job you have, you're able to find something almost opposite of it. I'm sorry to see that I'm wrong. What is it that you need that you can't find within the IT field?

mattwritescode 13y ago

I am not very good at badminton.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

visakanv 13y ago

It's not a recent thing, but it gets clearer and clearer to me that I am far less in control of myself than I like to think. I mean this in the "Power Of Habit" sense- I run far more by routine than I'd like to think, and this leads to some suboptimal outcomes across all spheres.