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I find this, and comments in the thread here extremely depressing, for a few reasons. First, it's sad how evil kids can be. Clearly Lord of the Flies isn't a a

I find this, and comments in the thread here extremely depressing, for a few reasons. First, it's sad how evil kids can be. Clearly Lord of the Flies isn't a apocalyptic fantasy but a realistic description of the social order of our youth. That said, what I find truly disturbing is seeing bright, intelligent, logical adults wallow in disgust and outright anger over things that were perpetrated on them by children. Look at your average kid from highschool. They are unfinished. They think in ridiculous patterns and do nonsensical things. You were them once. You thought like they did. The point here is that you are likely nothing like that person by the time you hit 25. Neither are they. I was never a geek outcast so perhaps I just can't relate to some of the extreme behaviour that others have experienced. That said, I was never a "cool kid" either, and felt all the social stigma of being the outcast. I so wanted to be one of the cool guys with the hot chicks smoking in the parking lot. Alas, I wasn't well off and had peculiar interests coupled with less than stellar social skills; a bit of a late bloomer you could say. I look back now however, at 34, and realize that it was me that survived the teenage years without incident. I realize the pretty girls weren't all that hot then, and certainly aren't now. I realize that spending all day skipping class translated into not getting a job worth much. I've got a wife and 2 kids, wonderful experiences of a 1/3 of a life. What am I supposed to be mad about? The author is mad because people from a school he admits he had no friends at are contacting him 25 years later! They not only remember him, but want to see him. They remember that they were children once, but they aren't the same kids from 25 years ago any more. The only one that is affected at all is the author. It's time to let go, move on, and be proud of who you are and what you've achieved. Harbouring such resentment isn't healthy, regardless of whether it's understandable.

philwelch 17y ago
"That said, what I find truly disturbing is seeing bright, intelligent, logical adults wallow in disgust and outright anger over things that were perpetrated on them by children." You should try talking to people who were abused by their parents, or rape survivors. I think having your fingers broken is closer to that than "the social stigma of being the outcast". "The author is mad because people from a school he admits he had no friends at are contacting him 25 years later! They not only remember him, but want to see him. They remember that they were children once, but they aren't the same kids from 25 years ago any more." It's telling that not a single one of these invitations contained an apology. "The only one that is affected at all is the author." Victims of abuse are usually more affected by it than perpetrators.
- run4yourlives 17y ago
  >You should try talking to people who were abused by their parents, or rape survivors. Don't compare bullying to rape. They are not in the same class. That's not to say that bullying isn't bad, just that rape is on a different level entirely. >It's telling that not a single one of these invitations contained an apology. Is it? True apologies are usually given in person. >Victims of abuse are usually more affected by it than perpetrators. Ergo, the victim is best advised to take steps to cure themselves, regardless of what happens to the perpetrators. He's the angry one, not me. I'm only pointing out that it is better for him if he isn't angry. I care little about the feelings of his bullies, to be honest.
  - philwelch 17y ago
    "Don't compare bullying to rape. They are not in the same class. That's not to say that bullying isn't bad, just that rape is on a different level entirely." I'm saying that different types of trauma provide similar reactions. I don't find it productive to compare different types of abuse and decide which is worst. "Ergo, the victim is best advised to take steps to cure themselves, regardless of what happens to the perpetrators." Avoiding the perpetrators of abuse is normally part of healing, though, which is all this guy's trying to do.
  - JabavuAdams 17y ago
    There's a huge variance to both classes of crime, and there's overlap. The central issue in torture is the complete and utter lack of control by the victim. That's what's truly violating. Knowing (or believing sufficiently strongly) that there's nothing you can do to stop this outrage. This can occur in many contexts, of which sexual assault is only one. I would classify someone breaking another person's fingers methodically while telling the victim that he wants to "hear the sound" as torture. There's a level of malice and pre-meditation that's not present in a quick breaking. I sometimes think that part of what makes rape worse for the victim is all of our societal hang-ups and power-mongering about sex. In part they're a throw-back to the macho idea of protecting women's purity, and that women who have been "taken" are somehow impure. Talk about screwing the victim twice. Yes, rape is very bad. But, society makes it worse by telling women that it's the worst thing that can happen to them (rather, than other torture or death, say).

philwelch 17y ago

"That said, what I find truly disturbing is seeing bright, intelligent, logical adults wallow in disgust and outright anger over things that were perpetrated on them by children." You should try talking to people who were abused by their parents, or rape survivors. I think having your fingers broken is closer to that than "the social stigma of being the outcast". "The author is mad because people from a school he admits he had no friends at are contacting him 25 years later! They not only remember him, but want to see him. They remember that they were children once, but they aren't the same kids from 25 years ago any more." It's telling that not a single one of these invitations contained an apology. "The only one that is affected at all is the author." Victims of abuse are usually more affected by it than perpetrators.

run4yourlives 17y ago
>You should try talking to people who were abused by their parents, or rape survivors. Don't compare bullying to rape. They are not in the same class. That's not to say that bullying isn't bad, just that rape is on a different level entirely. >It's telling that not a single one of these invitations contained an apology. Is it? True apologies are usually given in person. >Victims of abuse are usually more affected by it than perpetrators. Ergo, the victim is best advised to take steps to cure themselves, regardless of what happens to the perpetrators. He's the angry one, not me. I'm only pointing out that it is better for him if he isn't angry. I care little about the feelings of his bullies, to be honest.
- philwelch 17y ago
  "Don't compare bullying to rape. They are not in the same class. That's not to say that bullying isn't bad, just that rape is on a different level entirely." I'm saying that different types of trauma provide similar reactions. I don't find it productive to compare different types of abuse and decide which is worst. "Ergo, the victim is best advised to take steps to cure themselves, regardless of what happens to the perpetrators." Avoiding the perpetrators of abuse is normally part of healing, though, which is all this guy's trying to do.
- JabavuAdams 17y ago
  There's a huge variance to both classes of crime, and there's overlap. The central issue in torture is the complete and utter lack of control by the victim. That's what's truly violating. Knowing (or believing sufficiently strongly) that there's nothing you can do to stop this outrage. This can occur in many contexts, of which sexual assault is only one. I would classify someone breaking another person's fingers methodically while telling the victim that he wants to "hear the sound" as torture. There's a level of malice and pre-meditation that's not present in a quick breaking. I sometimes think that part of what makes rape worse for the victim is all of our societal hang-ups and power-mongering about sex. In part they're a throw-back to the macho idea of protecting women's purity, and that women who have been "taken" are somehow impure. Talk about screwing the victim twice. Yes, rape is very bad. But, society makes it worse by telling women that it's the worst thing that can happen to them (rather, than other torture or death, say).