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I spent about one year on OkC @ approx 40minutes/day on the site, and got about 20 first dates, 10 second dates, 2 third dates, and 2 fourth dates. They were al

I spent about one year on OkC @ approx 40minutes/day on the site, and got about 20 first dates, 10 second dates, 2 third dates, and 2 fourth dates. They were almost all 85+% matches, and weren't that hard to find. However, I would say that my manual filtering probably took way less time than he spent implementing his models. He probably learned more engineering and advanced math while I learned how to read subtle messages of profiles, project the right ones of my own and know what's worth talking about ahead of time by having conversation online first. He probably got the satisfaction of 'hacking' the system, while I had more efficient expenditure of money (dates can get expensive on average for guys when you decide to at least offer to pay). None of my OkC prospects looked like they would work out long-term, though I'm still good online friends with over half of them. I flippantly shut down my account 3 months before I would have to leave the country, because even if I met someone I didn't want to be in a long-distance relationship, so I decided to save myself the trouble. And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking, and we're planning to go traveling in Asia next month (it's been 7 months). I'm a diehard hacker and nerd and all, but when things like this happen, it's hard to not wonder if the traditionalists do have a point when saying you can't figure these things out with numbers. At least not when people are gaming their numbers :) The math is super-fascinating though, and I hope OkC team does some research into it and integrates some of the ideas: obviously they wouldn't want to support uber-profile optimization for multiple groups, but maybe help find the right groups, etc. I do think his biggest win as a male on OkC was being able to generate all the inbound traffic he would want with no invested marketing on his part (besides writing his scripts). That's something even the most skilled male OkC connoisseurs find difficult to do. Edited: to add last thought.

hkmurakami 13y ago
One thing his hacking did accomplish was to generate leads/dates without him having to concoct tailored messages manually. I can see how that could be too much of a burden for many. OP managed to replace that psychological barrier with numbers and algorithm (with which he was much more comfortable) and got to the same end result. IMO that's something worth pondering. We're all good/bad at different things, while the world typically sets us up with one "standard" way of going about things. Establishing secondary, albeit less efficient routes, may be a lifesaver for many. (apologies for the rather abstract writeup)
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
alan_cx 13y ago
"And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking" This, IMHO, is the best advice. I remember the Dalai Lama's advice about finding happiness. How do I find happiness? "Stop lookin, be happy", he said. Same with dating. How do I find a date? Stop looking. More exactly, live life, and in time, you'll meet someone. Part of the reason why is that someone sort of on the hunt isn't that attractive, because such a person isn't being totally natural, or themselves. The dating game becomes false. That is subtly there to see, and is a turn off. If not then what you get is potentially two false people under pressure to maintain something. Yeah, I know, it can't work for all, circumstances, time, and all that. But so far, regardless of who I have passed this notion on to, regardless of their situation, in time, its worked. And worked solidly. Unfortunately, this is something people do get fretful about, and then decide something has to be done.
- khafra 13y ago
  > "Stop lookin, be happy" It's true that happiness comes when you're settled with your lot in life. But you will instinctively rebel if you settle too early, on too little; this site is sort of dedicated to the art of not settling too early.
  - alandarev 13y ago
    Enjoying your life does not imply getting satisfied with what you have. You can enjoy your journey and be thankful for what you are having at the moment, not only the finish. Translating this to our members of startup: concentrate on your activity, rather than focus on getting your first million.
  - uaygsfdbzf 13y ago
    You're confusing being happy with being satisfied. As Bruce Lee put it: Be happy, but never satisfied.
  - tripzilch 13y ago
    Alan Watts said: (paraphrased) Life is not a journey pilgrimage with an important goal at the end, it is a musical thing and you are supposed to laugh and sing and dance along the way. For the full text, check out this cool youtube animation made by the Southpark folks from his lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 (animation style is Southpark-like, content is Alan Watts)
ptr 13y ago
A thing I've been thinking about: you're not supposed to be "eager", at least not apparently eager, but still go on 50+ dates with random people? How do you make it not feel like work? I think I'd get depressed, sadly. In my mind, meeting someone should be all casual. But what do I know. I like the persistency though.

hkmurakami 13y ago

One thing his hacking did accomplish was to generate leads/dates without him having to concoct tailored messages manually. I can see how that could be too much of a burden for many. OP managed to replace that psychological barrier with numbers and algorithm (with which he was much more comfortable) and got to the same end result. IMO that's something worth pondering. We're all good/bad at different things, while the world typically sets us up with one "standard" way of going about things. Establishing secondary, albeit less efficient routes, may be a lifesaver for many. (apologies for the rather abstract writeup)

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

alan_cx 13y ago

"And then met a girl the very next day (not kidding) that I really hit it off with when I wasn't looking" This, IMHO, is the best advice. I remember the Dalai Lama's advice about finding happiness. How do I find happiness? "Stop lookin, be happy", he said. Same with dating. How do I find a date? Stop looking. More exactly, live life, and in time, you'll meet someone. Part of the reason why is that someone sort of on the hunt isn't that attractive, because such a person isn't being totally natural, or themselves. The dating game becomes false. That is subtly there to see, and is a turn off. If not then what you get is potentially two false people under pressure to maintain something. Yeah, I know, it can't work for all, circumstances, time, and all that. But so far, regardless of who I have passed this notion on to, regardless of their situation, in time, its worked. And worked solidly. Unfortunately, this is something people do get fretful about, and then decide something has to be done.

khafra 13y ago
> "Stop lookin, be happy" It's true that happiness comes when you're settled with your lot in life. But you will instinctively rebel if you settle too early, on too little; this site is sort of dedicated to the art of not settling too early.
- alandarev 13y ago
  Enjoying your life does not imply getting satisfied with what you have. You can enjoy your journey and be thankful for what you are having at the moment, not only the finish. Translating this to our members of startup: concentrate on your activity, rather than focus on getting your first million.
- uaygsfdbzf 13y ago
  You're confusing being happy with being satisfied. As Bruce Lee put it: Be happy, but never satisfied.
- tripzilch 13y ago
  Alan Watts said: (paraphrased) Life is not a journey pilgrimage with an important goal at the end, it is a musical thing and you are supposed to laugh and sing and dance along the way. For the full text, check out this cool youtube animation made by the Southpark folks from his lecture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 (animation style is Southpark-like, content is Alan Watts)

ptr 13y ago

A thing I've been thinking about: you're not supposed to be "eager", at least not apparently eager, but still go on 50+ dates with random people? How do you make it not feel like work? I think I'd get depressed, sadly. In my mind, meeting someone should be all casual. But what do I know. I like the persistency though.