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I don't fully identify with this dude - I had friends, although I was picked on, and I still talk to a number of people from High School. That said, I did like

I don't fully identify with this dude - I had friends, although I was picked on, and I still talk to a number of people from High School. That said, I did like this read. Potentially it was the emotional reaction I had on his behalf, but I like to think that it was the realism of his scenario: "I don't think I had it particularly worse than a lot of others" and "here are the things that are entirely my problem that accelerated this treatment". While 'the system' is sometimes to blame, it's also the person. And he understands that. But since he works for Google, it's clear that he got it together in later life, and distancing himself from those who used to drag him down is probably a good choice. School reunions are often just people gloating about how awesome they think they are at life anyways, so why should he put himself in a position to potentially arouse jealousy?

tjic 17y ago
"Got it together" ? What the !@#$%^ ? He was a smart productive kid, and he got picked on by imbeciles. Now he's a smart productive adult. He hasn't gotten shit together - he had it together. The difference is that now he's in a free market, with other competent adults, instead of in a government-run Lord of the Flies style child warehousing make-work program. To say that he "got it together" is to blame the victim.
- jonknee 17y ago
  He didn't have it together, he didn't know how to manage social contact. He readily admits being awkward and unable to communicate. Being smart is not exclusive to having it together. It doesn't excuse what happened to him, but there are plenty of adults that get walked all over too.
  - jacquesm 17y ago
    That does not give others license to abuse you though.
    - jonknee 17y ago
      Of course not and as I said it doesn't excuse what happened, but the odds are 95% of the kids didn't do anything but not talk to him (and why would they, he was socially inept). They don't remember anything bad that happened to him. He has been holding in an impressive amount of anger and thinks everyone else has too. They haven't been. I bet even the bullies don't remember him. Seems like he's still got some social problems--people trying to reach out and he says stay the fuck away from me.
      - jacquesm 17y ago
        Well, then I have some 'social problems' as well, because I'd rather not interact with those that have already bitten me in the past. New people, that I have not yet interacted with have the benefit of the doubt, but the bullies from yesteryear did not magically grow into upstanding and respectable citizens. I'm still in contact with some people from my highschool but they're definitely very much in the minority. And when somebody gets bullied and you are 'doing nothing but not talk to him' you are also letting the bullying happening. Neutrality is not always an option.
  - randallsquared 17y ago
    He probably knew "how to manage social contact" just fine. I did, too, in high school and before -- I had no problems at all communicating with adults. The problem is that the situation in school isn't social contact in the way that it will occur in the real world, it's prison. In real life, we don't shake our heads at people who've been assaulted or had a swastika or cross burned in front of their house and say that they should try to manage social contact with others better. Instead, we treat the oppressors as the criminals they are.
    - jonknee 17y ago
      And yet there were many peers who knew how to communicate with each other and adults. Being able to adapt to your environment isn't a skill everyone has. He admits he was socially inept, that's not a rare thing in school.
      - randallsquared 17y ago
        Being socially inept is not a good reason for people to break your fingers or burn symbols in front of your house. Is. Not. I don't understand why this is so difficult. :(
        jonknee 17y ago
        It's not and I have never said it was. I just said he didn't have it all together. Sounds like he still has social problems--instead of facing people who used to not talk to him he'd rather tell them to fuck off on the internet. Works for him I guess, but that's the whole reason why he was targeted in the first place. It's sad that happened to him, but I bet everyone who messaged him has no idea of what his memories of highschool are like. They never got to know him but assume he had a good time like they did.
        randallsquared 17y ago
        "used to not talk to him" That's not the behavior he was upset about. Speaking personally, I'd have been ecstatic if people not talking to me were the worst I had to put up with in high school, and I had it a lot easier than he did, from his description.
  - reduxredacted 17y ago
    "He didn't know how to manage social contact." Correct. During the time when he was learning social skills, he was taught that all social contact was negative. It's clear from the essay that this bothers him 25 years later and it should.

tjic 17y ago

"Got it together" ? What the !@#$%^ ? He was a smart productive kid, and he got picked on by imbeciles. Now he's a smart productive adult. He hasn't gotten shit together - he had it together. The difference is that now he's in a free market, with other competent adults, instead of in a government-run Lord of the Flies style child warehousing make-work program. To say that he "got it together" is to blame the victim.

jonknee 17y ago
He didn't have it together, he didn't know how to manage social contact. He readily admits being awkward and unable to communicate. Being smart is not exclusive to having it together. It doesn't excuse what happened to him, but there are plenty of adults that get walked all over too.
- jacquesm 17y ago
  That does not give others license to abuse you though.
  - jonknee 17y ago
    Of course not and as I said it doesn't excuse what happened, but the odds are 95% of the kids didn't do anything but not talk to him (and why would they, he was socially inept). They don't remember anything bad that happened to him. He has been holding in an impressive amount of anger and thinks everyone else has too. They haven't been. I bet even the bullies don't remember him. Seems like he's still got some social problems--people trying to reach out and he says stay the fuck away from me.
    - jacquesm 17y ago
      Well, then I have some 'social problems' as well, because I'd rather not interact with those that have already bitten me in the past. New people, that I have not yet interacted with have the benefit of the doubt, but the bullies from yesteryear did not magically grow into upstanding and respectable citizens. I'm still in contact with some people from my highschool but they're definitely very much in the minority. And when somebody gets bullied and you are 'doing nothing but not talk to him' you are also letting the bullying happening. Neutrality is not always an option.
- randallsquared 17y ago
  He probably knew "how to manage social contact" just fine. I did, too, in high school and before -- I had no problems at all communicating with adults. The problem is that the situation in school isn't social contact in the way that it will occur in the real world, it's prison. In real life, we don't shake our heads at people who've been assaulted or had a swastika or cross burned in front of their house and say that they should try to manage social contact with others better. Instead, we treat the oppressors as the criminals they are.
  - jonknee 17y ago
    And yet there were many peers who knew how to communicate with each other and adults. Being able to adapt to your environment isn't a skill everyone has. He admits he was socially inept, that's not a rare thing in school.
    - randallsquared 17y ago
      Being socially inept is not a good reason for people to break your fingers or burn symbols in front of your house. Is. Not. I don't understand why this is so difficult. :(
      - jonknee 17y ago
        It's not and I have never said it was. I just said he didn't have it all together. Sounds like he still has social problems--instead of facing people who used to not talk to him he'd rather tell them to fuck off on the internet. Works for him I guess, but that's the whole reason why he was targeted in the first place. It's sad that happened to him, but I bet everyone who messaged him has no idea of what his memories of highschool are like. They never got to know him but assume he had a good time like they did.
        randallsquared 17y ago
        "used to not talk to him" That's not the behavior he was upset about. Speaking personally, I'd have been ecstatic if people not talking to me were the worst I had to put up with in high school, and I had it a lot easier than he did, from his description.
- reduxredacted 17y ago
  "He didn't know how to manage social contact." Correct. During the time when he was learning social skills, he was taught that all social contact was negative. It's clear from the essay that this bothers him 25 years later and it should.