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I'm facing many of the challenges Scott is talking about. I churned through the first part of the essay and thought "yes! yes! yes, yes, let's get to the soluti

I'm facing many of the challenges Scott is talking about. I churned through the first part of the essay and thought "yes! yes! yes, yes, let's get to the solution!" But the second part of the essay falls short for me. It's a bit like the depression and the broken hand cartoon[1]. I can't disconnect. I know I'm supposed to turn off my phone, do household chores, and take my wife out to a nice dinner. I know taking the time to do these things makes me happier and more productive. It's not that I don't know this, it's that actually doing it requires enormous discipline, but after spending 80 hours a week slowly changing reality by a sheer force of will, I have no more willpower left for anything else. I also know I don't have to feel like I'm changing reality by a sheer force of will, and in fact, feeling this way is a sign that I have a lot to learn about leadership and about life. But that's not something I can just decide to change either. The problem is very real. The solution, at least for me, is as elusive as ever. [1] http://www.akimbocomics.com/?p=573 http://www.akimbocomics.com/?p=573

stephen 13y ago
> The solution, at least for me, is as elusive as ever. If you define "the problem" as "I want to work 80 hours/week + have a healthy family life", well, yes, that's always going to be elusive. I.e. impossible. Pretty sure the answer is to just not work 80 hours/week. > but it's not something I can decide to change either It is probably convenient for you to think that, but unless you have some sort of mental health condition (delusions of grandeur, etc.), I doubt it. One way or the other, you're making choices you want to make. And that's fine, but you might as well be honest with yourself/others about why you're making them, and that you must implicitly be okay with the trade offs.
- AndrewKemendo 13y ago
  It is probably convenient for you to think that, but unless you have some sort of mental health condition (delusions of grandeur, etc.), I doubt it. So what would you say to the young [insert famous and wealthy figure here]?
  - stephen 13y ago
    What would I say? Just what I'd said; that searching for a "solution" that allows working 80 hour weeks + having a healthy family life is futile because, IMO, it doesn't exist. At least when you have kids. I could see a spouse being okay with "5-10 years of hard work" for lots of freedom after that. Hard to make that sacrifice with kids though, because after 5-10 years, they're basically not kids anymore. Ironically, if the 5-10 years works out, and the kids have a guaranteed life of luxury because of it, they might be grateful. But I don't think it usually works out that way. (Note that I'm only focusing on the "80 hours/week" thing. If you can pull off "changing the world" (or at least your pocket book) on 40 hours/week, more power to you.)
jusben1369 13y ago
Yes I agree it's hard and I struggle with some of these issues but I'm luckier I'm a bit older (wiser) Probably would have screwed it up more 10 years ago. He mentions "truth in calendaring" which is pretty good. The raw point there is that right now your actions reflect your preferences. You love everything about your startup and want to be connected to every little blip every waking second. There's nothing wrong with that per se. Some people just freaking love to work and build things and have that adrenaline thrill. The problem arises if you think about losing your family. He makes a quick reference in the article but it sounds like his wife pretty much threatened to leave him and only then did he pull his head out of his ass. So think about it like that. How much fun would your startup be if you were coming home to an empty house? That'll chill you enough to shut off the phone or force calendar an evening a week or a full 6 hours one weekend afternoon unplugged and just fully immersed with your family.
deleted 13y ago
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mrkurt 13y ago
There are corollaries to "turn off the phone, do household chores, take spouse to dinner" that you've probably tackled successfully in the work context. It's not the nicest thought in the world, but personal life (and family in particular) is often a similar schlep as a startup.

stephen 13y ago

> The solution, at least for me, is as elusive as ever. If you define "the problem" as "I want to work 80 hours/week + have a healthy family life", well, yes, that's always going to be elusive. I.e. impossible. Pretty sure the answer is to just not work 80 hours/week. > but it's not something I can decide to change either It is probably convenient for you to think that, but unless you have some sort of mental health condition (delusions of grandeur, etc.), I doubt it. One way or the other, you're making choices you want to make. And that's fine, but you might as well be honest with yourself/others about why you're making them, and that you must implicitly be okay with the trade offs.

AndrewKemendo 13y ago
It is probably convenient for you to think that, but unless you have some sort of mental health condition (delusions of grandeur, etc.), I doubt it. So what would you say to the young [insert famous and wealthy figure here]?
- stephen 13y ago
  What would I say? Just what I'd said; that searching for a "solution" that allows working 80 hour weeks + having a healthy family life is futile because, IMO, it doesn't exist. At least when you have kids. I could see a spouse being okay with "5-10 years of hard work" for lots of freedom after that. Hard to make that sacrifice with kids though, because after 5-10 years, they're basically not kids anymore. Ironically, if the 5-10 years works out, and the kids have a guaranteed life of luxury because of it, they might be grateful. But I don't think it usually works out that way. (Note that I'm only focusing on the "80 hours/week" thing. If you can pull off "changing the world" (or at least your pocket book) on 40 hours/week, more power to you.)

jusben1369 13y ago

Yes I agree it's hard and I struggle with some of these issues but I'm luckier I'm a bit older (wiser) Probably would have screwed it up more 10 years ago. He mentions "truth in calendaring" which is pretty good. The raw point there is that right now your actions reflect your preferences. You love everything about your startup and want to be connected to every little blip every waking second. There's nothing wrong with that per se. Some people just freaking love to work and build things and have that adrenaline thrill. The problem arises if you think about losing your family. He makes a quick reference in the article but it sounds like his wife pretty much threatened to leave him and only then did he pull his head out of his ass. So think about it like that. How much fun would your startup be if you were coming home to an empty house? That'll chill you enough to shut off the phone or force calendar an evening a week or a full 6 hours one weekend afternoon unplugged and just fully immersed with your family.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

mrkurt 13y ago

There are corollaries to "turn off the phone, do household chores, take spouse to dinner" that you've probably tackled successfully in the work context. It's not the nicest thought in the world, but personal life (and family in particular) is often a similar schlep as a startup.