4 ms·

It doesn't count. Your kids didn't ask to be born. You decided to have them. If you're going to raise your kid by simply providing for them, and not nurturin

by steven2012 13y ago

It doesn't count. Your kids didn't ask to be born. You decided to have them. If you're going to raise your kid by simply providing for them, and not nurturing them and spending time with them, then all of your "providing for" is worthless. If you decided to have kids when you could barely afford it, and had no extra time to do anything besides work, then they are right to consider you a bad parent. Go listen to Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.

barry-cotter 13y ago
Your culture and values are not universal. Children can adapt to and thrive in much worse environments than mostly only see Dad at the weekend. Your kind of judgmental attitude is of a piece with the helicopter parent Amy Chua bullshit that makes so many have fewer, more stressed, stressful kids rather than have more and just let them be. There is more than one acceptable combination of parental responsibilities and time outlays, even in America. We don't have any obligation to live up to your ideals.
- Xcelerate 13y ago
  > Your culture and values are not universal. You're exactly right. There's a lot of crap culture and values in the world. > Children can adapt to and thrive in much worse environments than mostly only see Dad at the weekend. True as well. Doesn't make it any less horrible. Rationalizing away being a good parent is selfish. My mother died when I was 11 and my father (a director in his company) worked incredibly hard to manage the balance of the demands at work and taking the time and care to raise my sister and I. He did an extraordinary job and was very self-sacrificing, and so when I see comments along the lines of "I'm going to do what I want to do with my life and the kids will just have to adapt", it really kind of pisses me off.
nailer 13y ago
Spend time with your kids, sure. But don't be seen 'not to be contributing' because your partner works at home while you work at an office.

barry-cotter 13y ago

Your culture and values are not universal. Children can adapt to and thrive in much worse environments than mostly only see Dad at the weekend. Your kind of judgmental attitude is of a piece with the helicopter parent Amy Chua bullshit that makes so many have fewer, more stressed, stressful kids rather than have more and just let them be. There is more than one acceptable combination of parental responsibilities and time outlays, even in America. We don't have any obligation to live up to your ideals.

Xcelerate 13y ago
> Your culture and values are not universal. You're exactly right. There's a lot of crap culture and values in the world. > Children can adapt to and thrive in much worse environments than mostly only see Dad at the weekend. True as well. Doesn't make it any less horrible. Rationalizing away being a good parent is selfish. My mother died when I was 11 and my father (a director in his company) worked incredibly hard to manage the balance of the demands at work and taking the time and care to raise my sister and I. He did an extraordinary job and was very self-sacrificing, and so when I see comments along the lines of "I'm going to do what I want to do with my life and the kids will just have to adapt", it really kind of pisses me off.

nailer 13y ago

Spend time with your kids, sure. But don't be seen 'not to be contributing' because your partner works at home while you work at an office.