What specifically was wrong with it? I saw maybe two or three awkward sentences, but only because I was looking for them. He used the word "keiretsu" without ex

What specifically was wrong with it? I saw maybe two or three awkward sentences, but only because I was looking for them. He used the word "keiretsu" without explanation, which I find kind of pretentious, but then again, I did know what it meant, so it worked. Or was it changed between when you saw it and when I saw it?