Basically, there's a clash between what you feel you SHOULD be doing, and who you WANT to do. Realizing this, ideally, you immediately freeze in your seat and a

Basically, there's a clash between what you feel you SHOULD be doing, and who you WANT to do. Realizing this, ideally, you immediately freeze in your seat and ask yourself, "So what do I want to do really?". The only issue is that when your brain tells you that you really want to play Counterstrike, and you immediately fight it with, "NO! I want to be a great hacker". This is the real problem. It's very difficult to allow one's real self to express itself, even if you're all alone at home! This is why "It's like I go out of my way to not do the work I'm supposed to do". Why don't you look at it in the face? You just feel you're supposed to code, you don't want to do it. And that's completely OK. It is the cycle of self-punishment and enforced "becoming" : "I am this today, I should be that in one year" which drains a LOT of energy. Realizing this, immediately stop trying to become anyone. Give yourself a one month break where you promise to actually find out who you really are. A break from what all you're "supposed" to do according to your ambition, parents, The Cool People, etc; Maybe you will actually find something that you are so interested in that coding will come naturally to you while pursuing your interests. Or not. You need not be interested in what others are interested in. Or, just as an example, maybe you decide on coding a Counterstrike mod? That could be fun, too!