As a corollary, I try to think through this any time I say something "isn't a big deal". Is it really not a big deal to me? What people often mean when they s

As a corollary, I try to think through this any time I say something "isn't a big deal". Is it really not a big deal to me? What people often mean when they say "it's not a big deal" is "it's a big deal to me, but it shouldn't be to you". Usually, they don't have any right to make that decision for you and it's really just a manipulation technique.