4 ms·

Isn't there a middle ground between letting your sexuality define your entire persona (which is what I think the GP is referring to) and being told that you are

Isn't there a middle ground between letting your sexuality define your entire persona (which is what I think the GP is referring to) and being told that you are a disgusting freak and forced to keep your true feelings under wraps? Isn't it plausible that your depression is caused by the trauma of supressing your sexuality, rather than not having the surgery performed? Is there no scenario where the younger you could have explored your sexuality in a supportive environment and not have experienced these trauma - without necessarily going all the way and having surgery done. So, in your words, no pretending, but keeping the shell. I make no claims to understand what it means to be transsexual, I am just trying to understand the dynamics involved.

rmc 13y ago
gender identity =/= sexuality. There are lesbian trans women, and straight trans women, and gay cis men and all kinds of permutations.
tesseractive 13y ago
When I was younger, there was a lot of information out there to the effect that the only "real" transsexual women knew they were "the wrong gender" from the time they were 4, they hated their boy parts with a fiery passion, and they thought sex was icky until they'd fully transitioned, at which point they just wanted a husband, like any suitably stereotypical woman would. Anyone without this history was really a guy who liked to dress up in women's clothes for sex. I didn't fit all those rules, so I wondered if I was supposed to be a cross dresser. The thing was, the clothes didn't really do much for me from a sex standpoint. As I explored my sexuality, I gradually figured out that I was bisexual and that I was submissive, but sorting out sex things like that didn't really change anything about feeling like I was supposed to be female or feeling depressed because it seemed like I was living the wrong life. Having said that, there is still a lot of ground between keeping everything completely under wraps and having surgery. But for most of my life, I didn't feel comfortable exploring it. I've spent most of my life completely despising my body, so looking at intermediate alternatives meant I had to dwell on that, which was extremely painful. It was easier to spend all my spare time coding or whatever -- and trying really hard not to think about what was wrong -- especially since I wasn't really sure I had any palatable alternatives anyway. At this point, I'm not at all passable, so it's hard for me to take an intermediate step like trying to go out and experience the world as a woman part time to see how it goes. Nevertheless, as I mentioned in another response, there are lots of steps I can take if I decide to that don't require committing to any irreversible surgery. I just have to figure out what makes sense for me.

rmc 13y ago

gender identity =/= sexuality. There are lesbian trans women, and straight trans women, and gay cis men and all kinds of permutations.

tesseractive 13y ago

When I was younger, there was a lot of information out there to the effect that the only "real" transsexual women knew they were "the wrong gender" from the time they were 4, they hated their boy parts with a fiery passion, and they thought sex was icky until they'd fully transitioned, at which point they just wanted a husband, like any suitably stereotypical woman would. Anyone without this history was really a guy who liked to dress up in women's clothes for sex. I didn't fit all those rules, so I wondered if I was supposed to be a cross dresser. The thing was, the clothes didn't really do much for me from a sex standpoint. As I explored my sexuality, I gradually figured out that I was bisexual and that I was submissive, but sorting out sex things like that didn't really change anything about feeling like I was supposed to be female or feeling depressed because it seemed like I was living the wrong life. Having said that, there is still a lot of ground between keeping everything completely under wraps and having surgery. But for most of my life, I didn't feel comfortable exploring it. I've spent most of my life completely despising my body, so looking at intermediate alternatives meant I had to dwell on that, which was extremely painful. It was easier to spend all my spare time coding or whatever -- and trying really hard not to think about what was wrong -- especially since I wasn't really sure I had any palatable alternatives anyway. At this point, I'm not at all passable, so it's hard for me to take an intermediate step like trying to go out and experience the world as a woman part time to see how it goes. Nevertheless, as I mentioned in another response, there are lots of steps I can take if I decide to that don't require committing to any irreversible surgery. I just have to figure out what makes sense for me.