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Love is the kindest and most valuable thing we can spread in this world and your reply offered none to this individual. He is no less deserving than any other.

Love is the kindest and most valuable thing we can spread in this world and your reply offered none to this individual. He is no less deserving than any other. We all have the same life sentence. We're all trying to do our thing, he, you and I included. More love, less hate. Please.

sillysaurus2 13y ago
This is actually the central reason I was so torn up over my experience, and one of the reasons the whole thing sometimes still haunts me. Because the only possible way out of my situation was to completely cut ties, and shut off the love. I'm a loving person and it absolutely tore me up for a long time. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that if I wanted to lead a life without torment, it was a necessary evil. These people will stop at nothing until you're twisted around their pinkie finger, and they will prey on your forgiving nature. It's why I'm trying to call attention to how dangerous they are. But words aren't adequate to convey the breadth and magnitude of their ability to carve out chunks of your life for their own purposes. They'll take all your love and steamroll you in return.
- Fuxy 13y ago
  You're personalty can't handle a psychopath mine can. I'm not loving nor forgiving and although I do poses empathy and remorse can contentiously suppers it. Everything has to be earned with me. This applies to everybody including my own parents. I grew up around manipulative people i know how to deal with them. I actually instinctively distance myself from them. I'm not saying I would be his friend but i find his point of view valuable as long as he doesn't try it with me. I would notice if he did.
  - sillysaurus2 13y ago
    Mm, well, best of luck. It was more a warning for people without your unique skillset, though.
  - LaGrange 13y ago
    "You're personalty can't handle a psychopath mine can.” You actually come off like someone who claims that they had grown up around airplane pilots and therefore can handle gravity. It’s actually unlikely you can. "I would notice if he did.” I’m just going to call that posturing.
    - Fuxy 13y ago
      More like i was born on a planet so i can handle gravity. The only thing i meant by that is that he/she is the sweet, loving, sensitive type nothing wrong with that but may not be well suited for some things. I on the other hand am fascinated by psychology and love surrounding myself with different types of people even psychopaths. Everybody has to offer a unique way of looking at things. Some may consider that crazy, maybe it is. I don't fall under any definition of normal that's for sure but normal is boring anyway.
      - LaGrange 13y ago
        Actually, that's a pretty common, normal line of thinking, often summarized as "those things happen to the other people". Even the declared love of psychology is quite usual, as is the dismissal of "normal". Sweet/loving/sensitive type dismissal shows a huge disconnect. People hurt that way include soldiers, astronauts, public performers, politicians, enterpreneurs and many others. You're not really looking into people, you're romanticizing the diseases they have, and that really comes off as patronizing in most cases, and in this case as reckless and patronizing.
  - pseut 13y ago
    Amen. ;)
  - GFK_of_xmaspast 13y ago
    Gotta say, this reads like you got a screw loose in your own self.
wpietri 13y ago
I try to practice compassion for all sentient beings, so I get your point. But not all sentient beings are capable of responding to love, so I think we social animals need to be careful in projecting. Indeed, I suspect there are mechanisms in predators that actively suppress the response to love. However much the cow loves the farmer, the cow will still get slaughtered and eaten.
- theorique 13y ago
  Exactly right. Being "nice" or "compassionate" to others does not require martyrdom to those who don't (or physiologically/neurologically cannot) respect boundaries and don't return the same kindness.
king_jester 13y ago
> Love is the kindest and most valuable thing we can spread in this world and your reply offered none to this individual. He is no less deserving than any other. We all have the same life sentence. Not referring to the OP here, but some people are wholly toxic and cannot have a meaningful relationship with you that doesn't involve the erosion of your own person and physical/mental health. These people may be toxic for a long time, even for your whole life. While people should be treated kindly, don't confuse being kind with being an emotional dumping ground for someone that doesn't respect your boundaries.
ctdonath 13y ago
Sometimes the best love you can offer is benign neglect. Timothy Treadwell was very loving/caring toward bears. Then he got eaten by one. Some people will do the same to you. Keeping a respectful safe distance is not hateful.
benihana 13y ago
You don't understand at all. I was in a relationship with a psychopath. Love does not matter to these people. Your emotions do not matter to these people. Your intentions do not matter to these people. The only thing that matters to a psychopath is their own ego and self-aggrandizement. You're taking an incredibly naive view that will likely leave you completely taken advantage of and hurt. It doesn't matter how much love you show a psychopath, it won't ever be enough. They will try to manipulate you to make you feel like you're not doing enough for them. They will be the victim when it suits them and helps their argument, or they will be the victor when it suits them. Love does not matter to a psychopath. I gave her every ounce of love I had available to me, every ounce of understanding and care. It might as well have not happened. She still thinks (I'm not sure if she genuinely believes this, or is just trying to be manipulative) that I was a horrible boyfriend who was too selfish to give her what she needed (I paid for her to live in my apartment, I paid for about 95% of her food, I helped her find her first job, I helped her move cities). Love does not matter to a psychopath. The only way to win that game is not to play.
- n09n 13y ago
  So what? Even if it doesn't matter to them, it can still matter to you. Making yourself a better person isn't less worthwhile because someone else tells you you're being taken advantage of in the process.
  - jaggederest 13y ago
    That's what I tell people - you can't take advantage of me, I give freely of myself. Nothing I do is without my consent, so you can't "win". There is no contest.

sillysaurus2 13y ago

This is actually the central reason I was so torn up over my experience, and one of the reasons the whole thing sometimes still haunts me. Because the only possible way out of my situation was to completely cut ties, and shut off the love. I'm a loving person and it absolutely tore me up for a long time. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that if I wanted to lead a life without torment, it was a necessary evil. These people will stop at nothing until you're twisted around their pinkie finger, and they will prey on your forgiving nature. It's why I'm trying to call attention to how dangerous they are. But words aren't adequate to convey the breadth and magnitude of their ability to carve out chunks of your life for their own purposes. They'll take all your love and steamroll you in return.

Fuxy 13y ago
You're personalty can't handle a psychopath mine can. I'm not loving nor forgiving and although I do poses empathy and remorse can contentiously suppers it. Everything has to be earned with me. This applies to everybody including my own parents. I grew up around manipulative people i know how to deal with them. I actually instinctively distance myself from them. I'm not saying I would be his friend but i find his point of view valuable as long as he doesn't try it with me. I would notice if he did.
- sillysaurus2 13y ago
  Mm, well, best of luck. It was more a warning for people without your unique skillset, though.
- LaGrange 13y ago
  "You're personalty can't handle a psychopath mine can.” You actually come off like someone who claims that they had grown up around airplane pilots and therefore can handle gravity. It’s actually unlikely you can. "I would notice if he did.” I’m just going to call that posturing.
  - Fuxy 13y ago
    More like i was born on a planet so i can handle gravity. The only thing i meant by that is that he/she is the sweet, loving, sensitive type nothing wrong with that but may not be well suited for some things. I on the other hand am fascinated by psychology and love surrounding myself with different types of people even psychopaths. Everybody has to offer a unique way of looking at things. Some may consider that crazy, maybe it is. I don't fall under any definition of normal that's for sure but normal is boring anyway.
    - LaGrange 13y ago
      Actually, that's a pretty common, normal line of thinking, often summarized as "those things happen to the other people". Even the declared love of psychology is quite usual, as is the dismissal of "normal". Sweet/loving/sensitive type dismissal shows a huge disconnect. People hurt that way include soldiers, astronauts, public performers, politicians, enterpreneurs and many others. You're not really looking into people, you're romanticizing the diseases they have, and that really comes off as patronizing in most cases, and in this case as reckless and patronizing.
- pseut 13y ago
  Amen. ;)
- GFK_of_xmaspast 13y ago
  Gotta say, this reads like you got a screw loose in your own self.

wpietri 13y ago

I try to practice compassion for all sentient beings, so I get your point. But not all sentient beings are capable of responding to love, so I think we social animals need to be careful in projecting. Indeed, I suspect there are mechanisms in predators that actively suppress the response to love. However much the cow loves the farmer, the cow will still get slaughtered and eaten.

theorique 13y ago
Exactly right. Being "nice" or "compassionate" to others does not require martyrdom to those who don't (or physiologically/neurologically cannot) respect boundaries and don't return the same kindness.

king_jester 13y ago

> Love is the kindest and most valuable thing we can spread in this world and your reply offered none to this individual. He is no less deserving than any other. We all have the same life sentence. Not referring to the OP here, but some people are wholly toxic and cannot have a meaningful relationship with you that doesn't involve the erosion of your own person and physical/mental health. These people may be toxic for a long time, even for your whole life. While people should be treated kindly, don't confuse being kind with being an emotional dumping ground for someone that doesn't respect your boundaries.

ctdonath 13y ago

Sometimes the best love you can offer is benign neglect. Timothy Treadwell was very loving/caring toward bears. Then he got eaten by one. Some people will do the same to you. Keeping a respectful safe distance is not hateful.

benihana 13y ago

You don't understand at all. I was in a relationship with a psychopath. Love does not matter to these people. Your emotions do not matter to these people. Your intentions do not matter to these people. The only thing that matters to a psychopath is their own ego and self-aggrandizement. You're taking an incredibly naive view that will likely leave you completely taken advantage of and hurt. It doesn't matter how much love you show a psychopath, it won't ever be enough. They will try to manipulate you to make you feel like you're not doing enough for them. They will be the victim when it suits them and helps their argument, or they will be the victor when it suits them. Love does not matter to a psychopath. I gave her every ounce of love I had available to me, every ounce of understanding and care. It might as well have not happened. She still thinks (I'm not sure if she genuinely believes this, or is just trying to be manipulative) that I was a horrible boyfriend who was too selfish to give her what she needed (I paid for her to live in my apartment, I paid for about 95% of her food, I helped her find her first job, I helped her move cities). Love does not matter to a psychopath. The only way to win that game is not to play.

n09n 13y ago
So what? Even if it doesn't matter to them, it can still matter to you. Making yourself a better person isn't less worthwhile because someone else tells you you're being taken advantage of in the process.
- jaggederest 13y ago
  That's what I tell people - you can't take advantage of me, I give freely of myself. Nothing I do is without my consent, so you can't "win". There is no contest.