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Fuck ‘Networking’. Just Be a Human
- josefresco 13y ago"Networking is for losers." but the final point is to put down your business cards and ...network? I get it, he's saying not be soulless, personality-lacking networking stooge. But the advice is to simply network ... better. Instead of force-feeding your business card, actually talk to someone. Not sure about anyone else but this was advice that seemed pretty obvious to me and most I network with.
- mathattack 13y agoYes - be yourself instead of being a card-swapping 5,000+ LinkedIn automaton. ok, makes sense.
- fecak 13y agoIn my experience this isn't obvious to most. I've hosted an event 8x a year since 2000, and you can see the people who seem to be 'on a mission' as opposed to the ones that are a bit more subtle about it. If it takes you less than 5 seconds to produce a business card, you're probably a bit too anxious. Many people view events as an almost speed dating type atmosphere instead of just staying in the moment and not fixating on the need to acquire (info, contacts, etc.).
- thelastpoet 13y ago"But like the girl who wears a padded bra, there’s some serious misleading going on there." Was this really necessary?
- vezzy-fnord 13y agoIt was an analogy. Lighten up.
- onion2k 13y agoIt's a misogynous analogy. If we call it out we can make the world a better place, where everyone is actually equal and break the horrible let's-pretend-we're-equal-while-holding-some-people-down status quo. Everyone's a winner. Except misogynists.
- waterlion 13y agoHear hear. But you're not doing it properly. Please be consistent. "what about being human when it matters most? In person" - doesn't this exclude people with social anxiety disorders? "mix of knock-off stilettos" - doesn't this exclude people who wear flats? "people bumbling about who looks a hair too much like Dwight Schrute" - doesn't this exclude people who do look like him and may have body image issues? "You have just entered the land of networking hell" - this imagery is deeply offensive to some religions "Screw the schmoozing" - using sexual imagery? No thanks. "The people who hand out business cards like they are condoms in a high school sex ed. class" - alienates those with a conservative upbringing "Disclaimer – keep those condoms, kids" - again, pretty offensive to Catholics "They want meaningful relationships" - again social anxiety "And people respond to kindness." - not everyone. Exclusionary to those on certain parts of the autistic spectrum. "The same philosophy goes for networking" - I can imagine quite a few real philosophers getting offended about the belittling of their profession "One good conversation is better than five quick ones every day of the week" - not the Shabbat! "It’s for people who will never be more than middlemen" - think of all the middlemen out there, feeling excluded at this hate speech and switching off "when you remember to be human" - deeply insulting to robots
- johnchristopher 13y agoAh yes, the wonderful binary world of computer people where nuances only come in the form of 0 or 1.
- waterlion 13y agoSorry, I should have put a <rhetoricalIllustration> tag around that to clarify that I don't actually believe any of the above. (Do I really need to say that?). I won't spell it out again, I've made other comments in this thread.
- waterlion 13y agoNo. Neither was the obfuscated swear word in the title. Nor the word 'screw'. Nor was the picture at the top of the article or the pink headings. Or the call to action below. Nor the chatty writing style. Very little of the article was necessary, but it is what it is. You can draw the line anywhere, really, and the author chose to draw it there. If the author of every article self-censors and goes out of its way not to offend anyone at all then we're going to end up with a very boring world. It's a good thing to have your sensibilities challenged.
- scarecrowbob 13y agoYes, but it's equally important to have good sensibilities.
- louthy 13y agoSorry, where's the sensibility handbook? I assume from your comment that there's a standard that needs to be adhered to?
- icebraining 13y agoThat assumption is unsupported, though.
- waterlion 13y agoSorry, there's no handbook. You just have to go through life doing your best, occasionally there's a little misunderstanding and there's a witch-hunt and you're subjected to mass-Internet-bullying until you apologise for your little mistake, whether or not it was your fault. Together society moves forward to non-exclusionary monoculture where there is no risky language, however borderline or insignificant, and offenders are switftly dealt with. For every joke there is a minority that it excludes. Alternatively, people are thoughtful about what they write and equally thoughtful about their standards of evidence and credibility when they call people out on things. People stop and think before bullying each other in the name of equality and try to exercise empathy for everyone. But sadly I don't think the human brain is wired for that. (Yes I'm still annoyed about Noordhuis and incredulous about how vindictive and hateful some people can be.)
- vikas5678 13y agoInteresting analogy from the author, considering she's also a woman. A poor attempt to force their point across by being hyperbole.
- MartinCron 13y agoIt's a stunt metaphor and just plain crappy writing. Women can be crappy writers too.
- VLM 13y agoDespite the advice to stop counting (and start stopwatch timing) it seems to boil down to everyone's an equal commodity and you should boost your numbers. If someone's boring or not relevant, they're getting the "poorly designed piece of cardstock" and maybe a psuedo-sales pitch. WRT to being one of those people, there is intense selection bias going on, and if the majority of the subset at a meatspace networking event are focused specifically on being one of those people, then no one at that event will be interested in not being one of those people. I'm just saying bars are great, and AA meetings are great, therefore a double-great idea would be an AA meeting at a bar. Hmm.
- drcongo 13y agoTab closed; didn't read. http://tabcloseddidntread.com/post/70292809007/inbound-marketing-just-be-a-human-what-would http://tabcloseddidntread.com/post/70292809007/inbound-marke...
- cognivore 13y agoAll those browns and pinks were way better reading when I was blasting "More Human Than Human" by White Zombie. Try it!
- vezzy-fnord 13y agoThis is especially important for those of us that work in tech. We’re all extremely attached to our phones. We can’t just sit on the bus anymore. People are faking calls to make themselves look busy and important when they’re waiting for their friends to show up. We go out for dinner with people and we’re more interested in email and text messages. While it’s important to be connected, it’s even more important to be present when you’re interacting with others. Perhaps I don't have much of a set to base this on, but from what I've noticed the ones in tech (at least, the ones well versed in it, not just generic managers and help desk workers -- though their job title does not dictate their actual knowledge, of course)... they tend not to be smartphone junkies as much as the average consumer. Especially not for things like text messages and email. I guess it depends on the person, though. The ambitious startup type might fit the above criteria quite well.
- Dewie 13y agoI'm a web-junky, but only when I am on my laptop. Fiddling with my smart phone doesn't do much for me.
- headgasket 13y agoI re-read this page before any networking event I go to. http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.html http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained/carnegie/win-friends.htm... It has worked wonders for me. Cheers and good luck!
- mindcrime 13y agoMy version of that is listening to We Hate Everyone by Type O Negative before networking events. YMMV.
- PagingCraig 13y agoThis is written by someone who refuses to try to get better at networking...and is completely mistified by what it actually is. See: http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/video-how-to-use-natural-networking-to-connect-with-anyone/ http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/video-how-to-use-n...
- mephi5t0 13y agoI love Louis CK on that one. Like he says that people just need to put the way phones to learn be "just that person". Notice that you CAN ride an elevator by yourself normally. But when there are few more people you try to beat this awkward moment by going into the phone instead of just staying still, relax and look straight :) http://gawker.com/louis-c-k-s-explanation-of-why-he-hates-smartphones-is-1354954625 http://gawker.com/louis-c-k-s-explanation-of-why-he-hates-sm...
- lmm 13y agoI use my phone in the lift even on my own, because I enjoy it. Sure, I could avoid it, but why would I?
- mephi5t0 13y agoYou missing the point. It's not about "phone and elevator" discussion. It's about being a person. And communication. And feelings.
- bitwize 13y agoSteel or aluminum elevators block the signal. So oftentimes, I can't use my phone for anything but super hexagon.
- untog 13y ago"Get FREE Access to Our Inbound Marketing Course" Gross pop-up you have there.
- deleted 13y ago[deleted]
- jmduke 13y agoI can't help but shake the feeling that a more accurate title would be: "Fuck networking. Just be better at networking."
- khafra 13y agoYes, we nerds should know this trick: It's exactly like when we were kids, and they told us "don't try to be cool." What we really needed to do was not get caught trying to be cool; needed to try so hard that we made it our identity rather than a detectable affectation.
- jtbigwoo 13y agoI wish I had known in high school that they meant, "Don't try to be cool, just make being cool the central focus of your life." Thank God the definition of cool gets much more flexible after high school.
- rfnslyr 13y agoThis article can be summarized as "Honestly, just don't be an utter knob". Just talk to people like they are your friends. I usually start off by talking about music and other interests before drilling down into work talk which everyone hates but can stand for a minute.
- jtbigwoo 13y agoRight. I'm fairly outgoing, but I still have to turn on the "socialize with strangers" switch in my brain if I'm at a conference. If I don't, I end up spending all my time talking to friends rather than making new connections. Articles like this are useful, though, for explaining what good networking looks like. Having a picture of the process makes a big difference for me when I'm trying to improve or do something I don't do very often.
- mcv 13y agoI suck at networking, or any kind of social interaction that doesn't at least involve some dice. So if I follow the "fuck networking, just be human" advice, that means I'm not going to be meeting a lot of people. Then again, I don't really want to meet a lot of people. But making one or two really good connections every once in a while would probably be nice. In fact, at a recent GDG Devfest, I spoke with a couple of people who were all passionate about teaching programming to young kids. I want to keep in touch, gave them my card, and then forgot who they were. I'm terrible at remembering people, even if they're really cool and we spoke passionately.
- PhasmaFelis 13y ago> Stop me when this sounds familiar. It’s early morning. There are stale bagels, cheap coffee, and a mix of knock-off stilettos. There’s a table with name tags, fat sharpies, and people bumbling about who looks a hair too much like Dwight Schrute. Everyone is shaking hands, saying their nice-to-meet-you’s, and being totally and utterly forgettable. I'm happy to say that that sounds utterly unfamiliar, and I'm positively proud to say that I have no idea how to distinguish "knock-off stilettos."
- deleted 13y ago[deleted]
- LukeWalsh 13y agoThe best advice I have ever read on the subject is in Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (1936). 1) Become genuinely interested in other people. 2) Smile. 3) Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language. 4) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. 5) Talk in terms of the other person's interest. 6) Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely. So essentially be genuine, and if you try to do anything intentionally just try to put the other person at ease.
- scarecrowbob 13y ago"1) Become genuinely interested in other people." I'm not sure about the origin of this idea, but I believe it is Ken Kesey... the gist being that charisma isn't so much the ability to get people to like you as the ability to get yourself to like other people.
- LukeWalsh 13y agoDale Carnegie at least popularized it, the book was published when Ken Kesey was a small child. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Kesey http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Kesey
- jh3 13y agoBeing present is critical, but this type of advice is pretty useless for someone who has a difficult time speaking with strangers. It is hard to be present when all you are thinking about is all the bad possibilities that may come out of talking to people you have never met. If you're scared of sounding dumb or "new" you won't be willing to talk with the people who you think are much more successful than yourself. Handling the uncomfortable ball of nerves your body creates before speaking with strangers is hard. There's no step by step list of things you can do to get over yourself. It requires experience which is earned only by attending events/conferences/meetups that are full of strangers. The only way around the nerves is being prepared with a quick blurb about yourself (which is also hard). Knowing how to respond to the "So what do you do?" question sounds easy enough but it's also super terrifying if you're a shy/introverted person. Having this answer prepared will allow you to get through the hardest wall of all: actually speaking to the stranger(s). If you're thinking of selling schemes before you even shake someones hand, your not going to be listening. If you're just trying to collect names and cards, you won't be building long lasting relationships. I try to forget about my business cards until I'm asked if I have one. I also try treating people with respect instead of a sales pitch, which requires listening to what they're saying. I would bring business cards with you everywhere, though. It is good to have them on hand if someone wants a way to remember you. They are even better to have on hand when they specifically ask for one. You are not going to build a meaningful relationship if they forget your last name. Lowering the barrier to your information for someone who actually wants your information on hand is important. It is even more important if the people you are meeting expect a card as a way to remember you. Respect also requires remembering their name (which is harder for me than remembering an entire conversation!). In order for me to remember a single name in the moment, I will immediately repeat it. Maybe once out loud, as a way of beginning the conversation. If I'm with a group, and depending on the age of the people, I'll make it a memory game. I'll repeat their names as we go around introducing ourselves. After everyone has introduced themselves I'll repeat all their names again, sometimes letting them know I have a hard time with names. Self-deprecation helps me break the ice if I'm nervous and tends to make the group laugh. This works especially well when speaking with college students since they are usually much more nervous than whoever they are speaking with. Being nice and handling conversations is difficult, and I think knowing the intricacies of conversation is an art. It needs to be practiced with everyone you encounter.