Heck, even without removal, PHP being "the language of sensibly named functions with a bunch of legacy aliases that you can ignore" would still be a million tim

Heck, even without removal, PHP being "the language of sensibly named functions with a bunch of legacy aliases that you can ignore" would still be a million times better than being "the language where every single stdlib function has its own unique form of retardation" ( used in the dictionary sense, not in the able-ist sense)