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People are more valuable than things (money). Open communication is key. People never want to feel like they are the second most important thing in your life.

by TrevorJ 17y ago

People are more valuable than things (money). Open communication is key. People never want to feel like they are the second most important thing in your life. Putting her first doesn't mean you have to give up on your other dreams, but you have to be mindful of what you are communicating through your actions. Sit down with her and articulate the fact that she is a priority for you, but that you realize that you haven't been communicating that very well. Leave your ego at the door and ask her what kinds of specific things you could do to communicate to her that she comes first. If you are willing to listen may be surprised how even some small simple things could go a long way towards making her feel important and valued. The biggest thing I think is that people communicate differently, therefore somethings that aren't a big deal to us may be a big deal to other people, and we might not even realize that we are communicating something we don't intend. If you can get over that hurdle you may find that it doesn't have to be an either-or situation. There is also the fact that if you are working too much to maintain even one healthy relationship, then you are working to much. We have people who care about us in our lives becasue they can help us see our blind spots. If She is feeling that your life is out of balance, you should listen to that and do some evaluating, even for the sake of your own health. If she truly loves you she will understand that your need to be creative and be in business for yourself is a part of who you are, but by the same token, you can't let success rob you of the most important treasures in life: your relationships with other human beings.

encoderer 17y ago
You're right but it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. You can have people and things. Sure, there are trade-offs, but it's doable. I'm 26 and my situation is nearly identical to the OP, with one big exception: My fiance and I share the same values. And what it really means is just, "do you want the same things out of life." And WRT this subject, we both feel strongly that the surest path to happiness in our careers (and to wealth) is to work for ourselves. It's been 2 years since we made the leap together and it's been successful, if off-the-plan. Her skills compliment mine (She's a great designer and a true people-person). She's done a lot of design and sales work, plus a lot of administrative stuff. We both think that in the long run we'd benefit from having pursuits outside our marriage and once we've reached a point where we can pay for what she brings to the table now at no extra charge, she'll lay the foundation for her own ideas, which we'll fund and persue as quickly as is prudent. There's been snags along the way. There will certainly be more of them. And I lived with a woman for a year and a half prior to meeting my soon-to-be wife and we had none of this shared-values chemistry and that eventually contributed to the hard choice of pursuing our separate paths. Mine led me here, and I couldn't be happier. People are far more important than money. But if you're young and not yet married, without children, without a mortgage, you should ask "do I want to make this sacrifice. Can I find a way to have both." Your life is short. And you get one shot. Don't settle.
- TrevorJ 17y ago
  "it doesn't have to be an either-or situation." I agree, which is why I put that part in there :)
baguasquirrel 17y ago
Since when was building a startup ever about money? Money should be an afterthought. I agree though that people are more important than things. When break-up time happens, make sure you treat her with respect, and let her know that there are bigger things at stake.
anamax 17y ago
> People are more valuable than things (money). SOME people are more valuable to you than things/money. Others aren't. We don't know her value. (1) What did she do that's worth 30% of your company? (2) Does she respect your work?

by TrevorJ 17y ago

encoderer 17y ago

You're right but it doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. You can have people and things. Sure, there are trade-offs, but it's doable. I'm 26 and my situation is nearly identical to the OP, with one big exception: My fiance and I share the same values. And what it really means is just, "do you want the same things out of life." And WRT this subject, we both feel strongly that the surest path to happiness in our careers (and to wealth) is to work for ourselves. It's been 2 years since we made the leap together and it's been successful, if off-the-plan. Her skills compliment mine (She's a great designer and a true people-person). She's done a lot of design and sales work, plus a lot of administrative stuff. We both think that in the long run we'd benefit from having pursuits outside our marriage and once we've reached a point where we can pay for what she brings to the table now at no extra charge, she'll lay the foundation for her own ideas, which we'll fund and persue as quickly as is prudent. There's been snags along the way. There will certainly be more of them. And I lived with a woman for a year and a half prior to meeting my soon-to-be wife and we had none of this shared-values chemistry and that eventually contributed to the hard choice of pursuing our separate paths. Mine led me here, and I couldn't be happier. People are far more important than money. But if you're young and not yet married, without children, without a mortgage, you should ask "do I want to make this sacrifice. Can I find a way to have both." Your life is short. And you get one shot. Don't settle.

TrevorJ 17y ago
"it doesn't have to be an either-or situation." I agree, which is why I put that part in there :)

baguasquirrel 17y ago

Since when was building a startup ever about money? Money should be an afterthought. I agree though that people are more important than things. When break-up time happens, make sure you treat her with respect, and let her know that there are bigger things at stake.

anamax 17y ago

> People are more valuable than things (money). SOME people are more valuable to you than things/money. Others aren't. We don't know her value. (1) What did she do that's worth 30% of your company? (2) Does she respect your work?