5 ms·

>She ran a blog called Sex and the Ivy. I'm sorry, but if you write a blog whose title says, "I'm in the most privileged 2% of the population, I have lots of se

by aestra 13y ago

>She ran a blog called Sex and the Ivy. I'm sorry, but if you write a blog whose title says, "I'm in the most privileged 2% of the population, I have lots of sex", you're putting a target on yourself. Maybe the world shouldn't be that way, but it is. If you replace "she" with "he" then there's no issues there. No target. Please don't engage in this "she shouldn't have done that" bullshit. Its cause of assholes like you that when women get sexually assaulted they don't come forward. They don't want to be told they deserved it. That's what you just did, if you know it or not. They don't want to be the ones on trial for falling out of line of social ideals of female, because thats what happens.

gaius 13y ago
On the contrary, if you saw a male blogger write that, you would think "asshole". There is simply is no way to boast about your wealth and popularity, regardless of gender or orientation, without coming across as obnoxious.
- vidarh 13y ago
  You might think "asshole", but there's a giant step from thinking "asshole", and maybe even writing a blog post or comment about it somewhere, to even a tiny fraction of the level of harassment she has been subjected to.
  - michaelochurch 13y ago
    Agreed. What I do find terrible about this culture on its attitudes toward sexual misbehavior is that it's a guilt culture for men, but a shame culture for women. Guilt is feeling bad about something you did. Shame is when it's generalized to the person. If a man does something stupid, he's told to feel bad about what he did. If a woman does something stupid sexually, she's told to feel bad about herself. That's wrong and it should change. The double standard is shitty. I can't get on board with the Sex and the City crowd that glorifies horrible female behavior, but neither can I support the hideous double standard that exists now. The correct middle ground is not to glorify bad behavior and call it "feminist" (as the SatC people do) but for women to experience the same guilt culture (not the shame culture) that men do. It should be "that was dumb, don't do it again" (as it is for men) but not "you're a horrible person".

by aestra 13y ago

gaius 13y ago

On the contrary, if you saw a male blogger write that, you would think "asshole". There is simply is no way to boast about your wealth and popularity, regardless of gender or orientation, without coming across as obnoxious.

vidarh 13y ago
You might think "asshole", but there's a giant step from thinking "asshole", and maybe even writing a blog post or comment about it somewhere, to even a tiny fraction of the level of harassment she has been subjected to.
- michaelochurch 13y ago
  Agreed. What I do find terrible about this culture on its attitudes toward sexual misbehavior is that it's a guilt culture for men, but a shame culture for women. Guilt is feeling bad about something you did. Shame is when it's generalized to the person. If a man does something stupid, he's told to feel bad about what he did. If a woman does something stupid sexually, she's told to feel bad about herself. That's wrong and it should change. The double standard is shitty. I can't get on board with the Sex and the City crowd that glorifies horrible female behavior, but neither can I support the hideous double standard that exists now. The correct middle ground is not to glorify bad behavior and call it "feminist" (as the SatC people do) but for women to experience the same guilt culture (not the shame culture) that men do. It should be "that was dumb, don't do it again" (as it is for men) but not "you're a horrible person".