As Friedman said, the ultimate end is the search for the acceptable means, and I think your little exchange highlights this pretty well. Turns out, ideologies

As Friedman said, the ultimate end is the search for the acceptable means, and I think your little exchange highlights this pretty well. Turns out, ideologies are rather good at branding themselves to appeal to all kinds of people, and at first blush, most ideologies sound eminently reasonable. That in no way implies that the actions of adherents to such ideologies are the same, or that the overall structure of the ideology couldn't lead to disagreeable outcomes. The whole declaring equality and rights for all is the easy bit; that's just the ultimate end. The means, the dirty work of "defining, establishing, and defending", is where everything can and does go to hell. Feminists are just as susceptible to this problem as everyone else, and when they get it especially wrong, they create the blowback you are seeing.