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>Go to Manhattan and talk to a bunch of 25-35 year olds. Count how many men are sick of just "giving it up" and want to get married versus how many women expres

by aestra 13y ago

>Go to Manhattan and talk to a bunch of 25-35 year olds. Count how many men are sick of just "giving it up" and want to get married versus how many women express a similar view. I am a woman in my 30s and I have never ever once in my life heard anyone else use the term "give it up." I am going to go out on a limb and say people just don't talk like that. Not the women I associate and have continued to associate with through my 20s and 30s. And the real data might be surprising. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/21/why-men-are-settling-for-mrs-good-enough.html http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/21/why-men-are... Rather than living up to the stereotype of commitment-phobic bachelors, modern men reported that they fell in love just as often as women, were just as likely to believe that marriage is “forever,” and scarcely bit when asked whether they'd prefer to “just date a lot of people.” But most shocking was how many of the single men wanted to settle down—and how willing they were to lower their standards to make that happen. A whopping 31 percent of adult men said they’d commit to a person they were not in love with—as long as as she had all the other attributes they were looking for in a mate—and 21 percent said they'd commit under those same circumstances to somebody they weren't sexually attracted to. The equivalent numbers for women were far lower. the percentage of men saying "yes" to imperfect committment was actually highest among men in their 20s, almost 40 percent of whom said they'd commit without love (compared with 22 percent of women).

rayiner 13y ago
I'm using that phrase not because I've heard it recently, but because it conveys the nature of the sentiment I've seen. Many women, at least by my anecdotal experience, see sex as something that they give up, and are expected to, after certain checkpoints in a dating relationship. I've never seen a man express this particular feeling. I mention Manhattan for a reason: it's got an unbalanced gender ratio and the highest percentage of single men in the country. At least anecdotally, women express a noticeably greater frustration with not being in a committed relationship than in other parts of the country. In a way it's quite the opposite phenomenon of what I saw in my engineering days, with a disproportionately male crowd dissatisfied by their dating prospects. However, there is a palpable difference in the attitude of the two groups towards sex. The men were upset they weren't having sex. The women date, and have sex if they want, but are somewhat resentful about it because they'd rather settle down.
- aestra 13y ago
  >Many women, at least by my anecdotal experience, see sex as something that they give up, and are expected to, after certain checkpoints in a dating relationship. This is absolutely absurd and I don't know what kind of women you are hanging out with. I've had frank honest women to women discussions about sex and relationships and this sentiment has never come up. EVER. >I mention Manhattan for a reason: it's got an unbalanced gender ratio and the highest percentage of single men in the country This is absolutely false. http://www.theatlanticcities.com/neighborhoods/2013/02/neighborhoods-most-single-ladies-and-men/4659/ http://www.theatlanticcities.com/neighborhoods/2013/02/neigh... http://nycedc.tumblr.com/post/16175652438/ratio-of-single-men-to-single-women-in-nyc-new http://nycedc.tumblr.com/post/16175652438/ratio-of-single-me... http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/10/single-women-pay-attention-the.html http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/10/s... >The men were upset they weren't having sex. The women date, and have sex if they want, but are somewhat resentful about it because they'd rather settle down. The survey I presented above does not support this. Here's a better writeup http://abcnews.go.com/Health/survey-shows-single-men-commit-women/story?id=12831296 http://abcnews.go.com/Health/survey-shows-single-men-commit-... and here's another: http://magicbaltimore.com/3386661/more-black-men-want-to-settle-down-than-black-women/ http://magicbaltimore.com/3386661/more-black-men-want-to-set... Nearly 43 percent of single black men said they’re looking for a long-term partner that can eventually lead to marriage. That’s according to a new poll of nearly 1,100 African-Americans out today from NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health. The survey asked questions about a wide range of topics, including communities, finance and dating. Respondents between 18 and 49 years old who were divorced, widowed or never married were asked whether they were currently seeking a long-term romantic commitment. Roughly half of the men said yes; just a quarter of the women said the same.
  - rayiner 13y ago
    > This is absolutely absurd and I don't know what kind of women you are hanging out with. I've had frank honest women to women discussions about sex and relationships and this sentiment has never come up. EVER. YMMV. Among other occasions, I was just talking about this subject with my wife the other day, based on her conversations with some of her friends. I should note that I've also spent nearly my whole life in cities listed on your first link as being one with the highest ratio of single women to single men. > This is absolutely false. Using your own data, New York City is #4 on the list for the highest ratio of single women to single men, and from the tumblr link you can see that Manhattan skews more heavily towards single women then New York City as a whole. On top of there being fewer men in Manhattan to begin with, a higher percentage of those men have never been married: http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/09/new_yorkers_not_getting_married.php http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/09/new_yorke....
throwawaykf 13y ago
That article sounds like it supports a corrollary of rayiner's theory, that men are sick of having to "earn it". The article certainly seems to support that it is indeed women who control sex, and anytime they "settle for less" they feel like they're "giving it up". Little do they know that even in marriage the dynamics don't change much, only the number of people involved (married people stereotype joke :-))

by aestra 13y ago

rayiner 13y ago

I'm using that phrase not because I've heard it recently, but because it conveys the nature of the sentiment I've seen. Many women, at least by my anecdotal experience, see sex as something that they give up, and are expected to, after certain checkpoints in a dating relationship. I've never seen a man express this particular feeling. I mention Manhattan for a reason: it's got an unbalanced gender ratio and the highest percentage of single men in the country. At least anecdotally, women express a noticeably greater frustration with not being in a committed relationship than in other parts of the country. In a way it's quite the opposite phenomenon of what I saw in my engineering days, with a disproportionately male crowd dissatisfied by their dating prospects. However, there is a palpable difference in the attitude of the two groups towards sex. The men were upset they weren't having sex. The women date, and have sex if they want, but are somewhat resentful about it because they'd rather settle down.

aestra 13y ago
>Many women, at least by my anecdotal experience, see sex as something that they give up, and are expected to, after certain checkpoints in a dating relationship. This is absolutely absurd and I don't know what kind of women you are hanging out with. I've had frank honest women to women discussions about sex and relationships and this sentiment has never come up. EVER. >I mention Manhattan for a reason: it's got an unbalanced gender ratio and the highest percentage of single men in the country This is absolutely false. http://www.theatlanticcities.com/neighborhoods/2013/02/neighborhoods-most-single-ladies-and-men/4659/ http://www.theatlanticcities.com/neighborhoods/2013/02/neigh... http://nycedc.tumblr.com/post/16175652438/ratio-of-single-men-to-single-women-in-nyc-new http://nycedc.tumblr.com/post/16175652438/ratio-of-single-me... http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/10/single-women-pay-attention-the.html http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2012/10/s... >The men were upset they weren't having sex. The women date, and have sex if they want, but are somewhat resentful about it because they'd rather settle down. The survey I presented above does not support this. Here's a better writeup http://abcnews.go.com/Health/survey-shows-single-men-commit-women/story?id=12831296 http://abcnews.go.com/Health/survey-shows-single-men-commit-... and here's another: http://magicbaltimore.com/3386661/more-black-men-want-to-settle-down-than-black-women/ http://magicbaltimore.com/3386661/more-black-men-want-to-set... Nearly 43 percent of single black men said they’re looking for a long-term partner that can eventually lead to marriage. That’s according to a new poll of nearly 1,100 African-Americans out today from NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health. The survey asked questions about a wide range of topics, including communities, finance and dating. Respondents between 18 and 49 years old who were divorced, widowed or never married were asked whether they were currently seeking a long-term romantic commitment. Roughly half of the men said yes; just a quarter of the women said the same.
- rayiner 13y ago
  > This is absolutely absurd and I don't know what kind of women you are hanging out with. I've had frank honest women to women discussions about sex and relationships and this sentiment has never come up. EVER. YMMV. Among other occasions, I was just talking about this subject with my wife the other day, based on her conversations with some of her friends. I should note that I've also spent nearly my whole life in cities listed on your first link as being one with the highest ratio of single women to single men. > This is absolutely false. Using your own data, New York City is #4 on the list for the highest ratio of single women to single men, and from the tumblr link you can see that Manhattan skews more heavily towards single women then New York City as a whole. On top of there being fewer men in Manhattan to begin with, a higher percentage of those men have never been married: http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/09/new_yorkers_not_getting_married.php http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2011/09/new_yorke....

throwawaykf 13y ago

That article sounds like it supports a corrollary of rayiner's theory, that men are sick of having to "earn it". The article certainly seems to support that it is indeed women who control sex, and anytime they "settle for less" they feel like they're "giving it up". Little do they know that even in marriage the dynamics don't change much, only the number of people involved (married people stereotype joke :-))