I would be a basket case if I hadn't had received tons of professional help regarding problems similar to the ones you describe. So this isn't by a long shot so

I would be a basket case if I hadn't had received tons of professional help regarding problems similar to the ones you describe. So this isn't by a long shot something I'm unfamilliar with. Taking nothing but what you've written here, it sounds like you might be bipolar among other things. This is treatable. Unless you've been putting in a serious effort at therapy and trying out different medications for 5+ years (usually things will resolve way before this, I'm just referring to people I have met in therapy), there is really no reason to just lie down and die. Please take yourself seriously and establish a professional relationship to someone to resolve these things. It doesn't have to be like this.