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I hope this doesn't come out wrong. She is a victim of a horrific crime. There is no doubt about that whatsoever. Anywhere else this guy would have been beat

I hope this doesn't come out wrong. She is a victim of a horrific crime. There is no doubt about that whatsoever. Anywhere else this guy would have been beaten to a pulp. If someone did this to my daughter...well, let's leave it there. Having said that, I have to wonder about the mental framework within which a girl thinks it might be a good idea to allow the taking of nude pictures and videos of herself. Please, someone help me understand this, because I clearly don't. The explanation and justification would be far more powerful if it came from a woman. For a model or aspiring actress it might very well be par for the course and that's that. That anyone else would think this isn't something that will one day come back to bite you is beyond me. In the case of the OP we are talking about a PhD student which, to me at least, implies a certain degree of intelligence and, hopefully, good judgement. Never write an email, take pictures or videos you don't want the world to see. Never. Ever. Then there's the other side of these situations. No honorable man would even propose his girlfriend to engage in taking such pictures or videos. Why? Because if you truly care for her you will always actively protect her. If drinking and drugs were involved it could be another matter. We could rightfully question the moral and ethical choices made by people willing to compromise their good judgement this way. Yes, I tend to think in some cases it takes two to tango. The guy is a slimeball who deserves financial consequences and jail time. If the pictures were taken with her consent, she is at fault for not showing good judgement. It was stupid and sometimes you pay for doing dumb things. What she experienced was extreme and it should be criminal. All I am saying is laws only protect you AFTER a crime was committed, not before. The only way to protect yourself from this kind of crime is to behave in such a way that it is impossible to find yourself in that predicament, ever. Another way to put it is: Killing is a crime with many laws and case law covering it. This is not going to protect you if you walk into a dark alley in a seedy neighborhood and get killed. Yes, the murderer is likely to go to jail if caught and convicted. What got you killed was your decision to enter that alley in the first place. You can't live life thinking there are no criminals around you. Passing laws does little to change this. If you are a woman reading this please remember: if you are in a relationship with someone who wants to take nude or compromising pictures or video of you, run away from that man as quickly as you can. He does not respect or protect you. He does not look after your best interests. He is an asshole. If you allow it be prepared for these pictures to end-up anywhere at all. Do not do it. It could come back and ruin your life. And please, don't drink or do drugs to such an extent that you lose the ability to exercise good judgement. Got to wonder about the girls in those girls gone wild videos. How many of them will look back at what they did and think it was a good idea.

deleted 13y ago
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thenerdfiles 13y ago
Analogy. Should a woman run from a man who asks to engage in cybersex? At the end of the day, the only difference is a MIME Type; it's still a record. I am not being facetious. We use technology is a number of different ways to express our sexuality. Part of your proposal sounds highly reactionary, and that bothers me. It seems to indirectly justify, for instance, institutions that make it compulsory for victims like this to in similar fashion use technology to further "undo" their own lives.
indrax 13y ago
Nude pictures are fun. For all the reasons it's fun to take pictures at all, plus love and sex. In a relationship that isn't really obviously screwed up, you have basic trust for the other person. Part of that trust ought to include encryption, but that's another story. I think that this situation is atypical. Leaked or lost personal photos might be available to the whole world, but most don't go viral linked to your name. So the 'normal' risk of a douchebag boyfriend is relatively low. And why is it a risk at all? Why isn't it just safe and fun? What's the harm? Take this passage: >My professional reputation? Tainted. My parents’ perception of me as their angelic baby girl? Blown to smithereens and then reassembled in the likeness of a leper. >I sobbed daily. Where is the harm here? It is coming from her potential employees, colleagues, and sadly her parents. They're the ones with screwed up attitudes about sex. It's their fault, not her fault, because she did nothing wrong. I hope their views are not as harsh as she thinks. But even if she's imagining it those are the ideas we get from our culture. I get that you're worried about it coming out wrong, but much of your post was similarly victim blaming. The actual solution to murderers in alleys is to send police into the alleys. Not restructure our lives to be tolerant of the constant risk of murder. We should not just cede power to evil because the alley is dark. And this is not a physical attack, all the harm is in the views others take of the victim. Your judgement of her judgement is part of the harm that the attacker expected. A betrayal of trust should be blamed on the betrayer, not the betrayed. Is there room for learning better who to trust? Sure. Should we expect people to act like they can't trust anyone they love, and add scorn because they were the ones who encountered trust-evoking douchebags? No. Personal porn should be fun and safe and relatively inconsequential, for all the reasons that love and sex and photos are fun.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

thenerdfiles 13y ago

Analogy. Should a woman run from a man who asks to engage in cybersex? At the end of the day, the only difference is a MIME Type; it's still a record. I am not being facetious. We use technology is a number of different ways to express our sexuality. Part of your proposal sounds highly reactionary, and that bothers me. It seems to indirectly justify, for instance, institutions that make it compulsory for victims like this to in similar fashion use technology to further "undo" their own lives.

indrax 13y ago

Nude pictures are fun. For all the reasons it's fun to take pictures at all, plus love and sex. In a relationship that isn't really obviously screwed up, you have basic trust for the other person. Part of that trust ought to include encryption, but that's another story. I think that this situation is atypical. Leaked or lost personal photos might be available to the whole world, but most don't go viral linked to your name. So the 'normal' risk of a douchebag boyfriend is relatively low. And why is it a risk at all? Why isn't it just safe and fun? What's the harm? Take this passage: >My professional reputation? Tainted. My parents’ perception of me as their angelic baby girl? Blown to smithereens and then reassembled in the likeness of a leper. >I sobbed daily. Where is the harm here? It is coming from her potential employees, colleagues, and sadly her parents. They're the ones with screwed up attitudes about sex. It's their fault, not her fault, because she did nothing wrong. I hope their views are not as harsh as she thinks. But even if she's imagining it those are the ideas we get from our culture. I get that you're worried about it coming out wrong, but much of your post was similarly victim blaming. The actual solution to murderers in alleys is to send police into the alleys. Not restructure our lives to be tolerant of the constant risk of murder. We should not just cede power to evil because the alley is dark. And this is not a physical attack, all the harm is in the views others take of the victim. Your judgement of her judgement is part of the harm that the attacker expected. A betrayal of trust should be blamed on the betrayer, not the betrayed. Is there room for learning better who to trust? Sure. Should we expect people to act like they can't trust anyone they love, and add scorn because they were the ones who encountered trust-evoking douchebags? No. Personal porn should be fun and safe and relatively inconsequential, for all the reasons that love and sex and photos are fun.