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Fair points! While I enjoyed reading the post, I just feel it's not really targeted for a (stereo?)typical HNer - introverted nerd. So some advices feel wrong.

by gedrap 13y ago

Fair points! While I enjoyed reading the post, I just feel it's not really targeted for a (stereo?)typical HNer - introverted nerd. So some advices feel wrong. I have been at a designers meetup-party once out of curiosity and the vibe, atmosphere there is totally different from more nerdy events. And the tips suggested in the post would have worked, I guess.

saurik 13y ago
We might have different definitions of "nerd", but I often do events that are not tech-focussed, including conferences for advertising sales people, luncheons for donors to my university, and VIP networking events for functions that are mostly politicians and lawyers. I will admit, though, that I know very very little about designers ;P. To me, the core problems with the advice in this article are really general. As I primarily complained about, it encourages behaviors that, from talking extensively with female colleagues about "women at tech conferences" issues, I believe if applied by a man to a woman would come off as "not respecting me for my function but instead how I look and my personal life" (which is why I wonder if this advice is specifically targeted to women; but even then I think it would be suboptimal: to a man it will come off as flirting and to a woman you will seem to be promoting a stereotype they are probably trying to avoid). But additionally, I think it ignores really general "how to make someone want something you have" strategies that apply to all kinds of situations (from sales to dating). These are the complaints I litter through my own advice: that you want to make them ask about you, and you only win if you get them to ask for your card. The article has you introducing yourself with a spiel about how awesome you are and handing the other person your card "because you have too many". To see how unsuccessful of a strategy that will be in the more general case, redraft the situation to trying to give your phone number to someone at a bar: humorously, now the "don't talk about work" thing could be useful (as they are probably mentally trying to get away from work ;P), but introducing yourself with a spiel that tries to make yourself sound cool that has nothing to do with the other person's interests, and then handing them your phone number with an excuse like "my friend insisted I give my number to 10 people tonight" may get someone desperate who found you amusingly awkward to call you if you "play the numbers game" (and thereby might even feel like "success"), but it wasn't really the winning strategy to obtain high-value connections. (Note: the part about the "spiel" I'm getting from the section about introductions and specifically the end part with the "biggest tip" that seems to actively discourages saying "hi my name is ___, what's yours?". This tip was very confusing to interpret, however, as it seemed to both provide a valid praise regarding humility when meeting a celebrity while at the same time pointing out that the other person doesn't know who you are and you should explain, seemingly without them asking. It might be that was just a mixed example, showing how Paul Rudd didn't assume you knew his name. Even if I read this wrong, and the more I think about it I wonder if I did, I think much more concrete advice about how to make this work is useful, as I tried to provide in my earlier comment, and my core complaint was around the business card strategy anyway.)

by gedrap 13y ago

saurik 13y ago

We might have different definitions of "nerd", but I often do events that are not tech-focussed, including conferences for advertising sales people, luncheons for donors to my university, and VIP networking events for functions that are mostly politicians and lawyers. I will admit, though, that I know very very little about designers ;P. To me, the core problems with the advice in this article are really general. As I primarily complained about, it encourages behaviors that, from talking extensively with female colleagues about "women at tech conferences" issues, I believe if applied by a man to a woman would come off as "not respecting me for my function but instead how I look and my personal life" (which is why I wonder if this advice is specifically targeted to women; but even then I think it would be suboptimal: to a man it will come off as flirting and to a woman you will seem to be promoting a stereotype they are probably trying to avoid). But additionally, I think it ignores really general "how to make someone want something you have" strategies that apply to all kinds of situations (from sales to dating). These are the complaints I litter through my own advice: that you want to make them ask about you, and you only win if you get them to ask for your card. The article has you introducing yourself with a spiel about how awesome you are and handing the other person your card "because you have too many". To see how unsuccessful of a strategy that will be in the more general case, redraft the situation to trying to give your phone number to someone at a bar: humorously, now the "don't talk about work" thing could be useful (as they are probably mentally trying to get away from work ;P), but introducing yourself with a spiel that tries to make yourself sound cool that has nothing to do with the other person's interests, and then handing them your phone number with an excuse like "my friend insisted I give my number to 10 people tonight" may get someone desperate who found you amusingly awkward to call you if you "play the numbers game" (and thereby might even feel like "success"), but it wasn't really the winning strategy to obtain high-value connections. (Note: the part about the "spiel" I'm getting from the section about introductions and specifically the end part with the "biggest tip" that seems to actively discourages saying "hi my name is ___, what's yours?". This tip was very confusing to interpret, however, as it seemed to both provide a valid praise regarding humility when meeting a celebrity while at the same time pointing out that the other person doesn't know who you are and you should explain, seemingly without them asking. It might be that was just a mixed example, showing how Paul Rudd didn't assume you knew his name. Even if I read this wrong, and the more I think about it I wonder if I did, I think much more concrete advice about how to make this work is useful, as I tried to provide in my earlier comment, and my core complaint was around the business card strategy anyway.)