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Good article on a good skill to learn. The number one issue at these events (or at least the geeky ones I go to) is everyone sticks like glue to the people the

Good article on a good skill to learn. The number one issue at these events (or at least the geeky ones I go to) is everyone sticks like glue to the people they already know. Safety in numbers and all that. The article only briefly touches on getting into conversations (in "Go to the party alone") so a few things that work for me: - Getting talking to a big group is hard; it's easier with singles or couples. - The drinks or food line is a chance to get talking to people when they've peeled off from their group. Chat to the person behind you (it is easier to initiate eye contact). If the conversation is promising and it's an open bar, ask them what they're getting when you place their order. Saves them a bit of time and keeps the conversation going. - People standing around a table? Say "excuse me", put your drink/food down on the table, and start a conversation. Leading with something about said food/drink is the obvious way to start. Yes, food and drink are really handy props!

peterwwillis 13y ago
This behavior can seem a little... creepy. I wouldn't recommend ambushing people; sometimes you just want to get some food or use the bathroom without being bum-rushed by a random creep. Put down the food and drink (it just looks like you're clinging to a safety blanket). Try talking to a huge group out of nowhere and find someone whose body language says they actually want to talk to you. And try not to talk about obvious things as small talk. ("The crab dip is amazing, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is!" Now where's the conversation going to go? Nowhere.)
- MortenK 13y ago
  You consider striking up a conversation to a person behind you in the food/drinks line as "bum-rushing by a random creep"? Jesus Christ, I really don't think you should be dishing out conversation / networking advice!
  - encoded 13y ago
    Bum-rushing is, IMO, strong, but the problem with striking up a conversation with someone in a line, is that they're more or less a captive audience. If, for some reason, they'd prefer not to speak with you, they have to leave their place in order to do so, and forcing that on them isn't really polite, or fair.
    - boats 13y ago
      Or they communicate via their body language that they aren't interested in a conversation at the moment which you read, understand, and respect by ending the conversation.
- noelwelsh 13y ago
  Regarding talking about the food: The specific instance I was thinking of regarding food was a conference I was at recently. It was actually two conferences held back-to-back, and I was attending both. At the first one the snacks were fruit smoothies, fruit skewers and the like. At the second it was chocolate bars. So during the second conference I grabbed something, then made a comment about the different food and what that implied about the different audiences, and that led into a conversation with a group of three people, exchange of cards, and some follow-up emails since. So yeah, it helps to have something interesting to say about the food, but it's still a convenient way to get talking. And people are at these events to talk to other people, so it doesn't take much to get started. Similarly, if someone says "nice crab dip" to you, rather than shutting down the conversation with a "yeah", it behooves you to open it up some random personal detail ("yeah, I don't normally eat crab back in <home town>", "it reminds of the time I visited <random seaside place>", etc.) As for "seeming creepy": Whatever, man. One goes to networking events to talk to people. If you have a problem with people talking to you at a point in time and your social skills are so low you can't you make that obvious, don't go to these events. The other side of the coin is you don't glom onto people when they obviously don't want to talk to you. That's why chatting in a line is good -- you have a maximum of 5 mins if the conversation goes nowhere.
- jasonshen 13y ago
  I think you have your heart in the right place with this advice, but I don't agree. When you are standing in a line for food at a party, you can hardly call someone talking to you, an "ambush". And if both people look like they belong at the party, the assumption would not be that this person is "a random creep".
  - peterwwillis 13y ago
    Perhaps I read too much into the original comment. This is why the suggestions seemed creepy to me: > Getting talking to a big group is hard; it's easier with singles or couples. So my initial reaction is, this person is trying to target one or two people because they're "easier", almost as if they have less of a defense against your approach. > The drinks or food line is a chance to get talking to people when they've peeled off from their group. This immediately made me think of the previous line, and sort of hunting for a lone person to attack once they've left the safety of the pack. I don't think talking to someone in line is creepy at all. But no matter where you engage them (food line/bar/bathroom/etc), if you've been waiting for someone to leave their group just to talk to them, that is creepy. However, it could be that the commenter was not suggesting to do this at all and I misinterpreted.
    - noelwelsh 13y ago
      Let me clarify. If you see a big group of people talking they probably all know each other (or there will be one person, such as a speaker at an event, holding court). Getting into such a group will be awkward. You'll either break up their banter while you do introductions, or you'll stand there smiling like an idiot while not getting all the in-jokes and being mostly unable to contribute. (If there is one person holding court you can work your way in, but these conversations are rarely productive.) Hence the rest. I'm not suggesting you wait to ambush a particular person when they leave a group. I'm suggesting you talk to whoever happens to be behind you in line. Similarly, with couples or single people it is easier to have those initial conversations where you search for common ground.
danudey 13y ago
The best advice I've ever heard: when you get to a party, look for any group of two people and approach them. Either they both know each other, in which case they probably know that they should be meeting other people but they're not, or they don't, and so you're probably not interrupting anything terribly important (and you give one or both of them an opportunity to escape a conversation if they want).

peterwwillis 13y ago

This behavior can seem a little... creepy. I wouldn't recommend ambushing people; sometimes you just want to get some food or use the bathroom without being bum-rushed by a random creep. Put down the food and drink (it just looks like you're clinging to a safety blanket). Try talking to a huge group out of nowhere and find someone whose body language says they actually want to talk to you. And try not to talk about obvious things as small talk. ("The crab dip is amazing, isn't it?" "Yeah, it is!" Now where's the conversation going to go? Nowhere.)

MortenK 13y ago
You consider striking up a conversation to a person behind you in the food/drinks line as "bum-rushing by a random creep"? Jesus Christ, I really don't think you should be dishing out conversation / networking advice!
- encoded 13y ago
  Bum-rushing is, IMO, strong, but the problem with striking up a conversation with someone in a line, is that they're more or less a captive audience. If, for some reason, they'd prefer not to speak with you, they have to leave their place in order to do so, and forcing that on them isn't really polite, or fair.
  - boats 13y ago
    Or they communicate via their body language that they aren't interested in a conversation at the moment which you read, understand, and respect by ending the conversation.
noelwelsh 13y ago
Regarding talking about the food: The specific instance I was thinking of regarding food was a conference I was at recently. It was actually two conferences held back-to-back, and I was attending both. At the first one the snacks were fruit smoothies, fruit skewers and the like. At the second it was chocolate bars. So during the second conference I grabbed something, then made a comment about the different food and what that implied about the different audiences, and that led into a conversation with a group of three people, exchange of cards, and some follow-up emails since. So yeah, it helps to have something interesting to say about the food, but it's still a convenient way to get talking. And people are at these events to talk to other people, so it doesn't take much to get started. Similarly, if someone says "nice crab dip" to you, rather than shutting down the conversation with a "yeah", it behooves you to open it up some random personal detail ("yeah, I don't normally eat crab back in <home town>", "it reminds of the time I visited <random seaside place>", etc.) As for "seeming creepy": Whatever, man. One goes to networking events to talk to people. If you have a problem with people talking to you at a point in time and your social skills are so low you can't you make that obvious, don't go to these events. The other side of the coin is you don't glom onto people when they obviously don't want to talk to you. That's why chatting in a line is good -- you have a maximum of 5 mins if the conversation goes nowhere.
jasonshen 13y ago
I think you have your heart in the right place with this advice, but I don't agree. When you are standing in a line for food at a party, you can hardly call someone talking to you, an "ambush". And if both people look like they belong at the party, the assumption would not be that this person is "a random creep".
- peterwwillis 13y ago
  Perhaps I read too much into the original comment. This is why the suggestions seemed creepy to me: > Getting talking to a big group is hard; it's easier with singles or couples. So my initial reaction is, this person is trying to target one or two people because they're "easier", almost as if they have less of a defense against your approach. > The drinks or food line is a chance to get talking to people when they've peeled off from their group. This immediately made me think of the previous line, and sort of hunting for a lone person to attack once they've left the safety of the pack. I don't think talking to someone in line is creepy at all. But no matter where you engage them (food line/bar/bathroom/etc), if you've been waiting for someone to leave their group just to talk to them, that is creepy. However, it could be that the commenter was not suggesting to do this at all and I misinterpreted.
  - noelwelsh 13y ago
    Let me clarify. If you see a big group of people talking they probably all know each other (or there will be one person, such as a speaker at an event, holding court). Getting into such a group will be awkward. You'll either break up their banter while you do introductions, or you'll stand there smiling like an idiot while not getting all the in-jokes and being mostly unable to contribute. (If there is one person holding court you can work your way in, but these conversations are rarely productive.) Hence the rest. I'm not suggesting you wait to ambush a particular person when they leave a group. I'm suggesting you talk to whoever happens to be behind you in line. Similarly, with couples or single people it is easier to have those initial conversations where you search for common ground.

danudey 13y ago

The best advice I've ever heard: when you get to a party, look for any group of two people and approach them. Either they both know each other, in which case they probably know that they should be meeting other people but they're not, or they don't, and so you're probably not interrupting anything terribly important (and you give one or both of them an opportunity to escape a conversation if they want).