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You are overthinking it. If it doesn't come naturally to you (like the author by her own admission), there is likely a good reason that you find it uncomfortab

You are overthinking it. If it doesn't come naturally to you (like the author by her own admission), there is likely a good reason that you find it uncomfortable. Like maybe you actually don't have anything interesting to share. Or you don't really care about the people you are meeting. In either case, no point in faking it or pretending, find a social context that you actually enjoy. Lots of people are shy in general gatherings but completely light up in the company of others who share their (geeky) interests.

thisone 13y ago
I've found quite good reason to fake it. It actually has made me a happier person. I talk much less about myself and learn much more about other people. Whether I'm really truly, deeply interested is not the point. When it comes to working with people, I find it easier to get consensus and motivate people when I know what it is they want. By getting truly interested in other people, it's much easier for me to know what motivates them.
personlurking 13y ago
"Or you don't really care about the people you are meeting." I've been to very few of these events and at one I approached one of the people who gave a short talk earlier in the evening to merely ask him more about his business. Towards the end of my first spoken sentence to the guy, he turned to his female cohort and blurted, "wow, did you hear that, Kristy?" (as she sticks her hand in front of me, while he walks away). It all happened in the span of 5 seconds and I couldn't decide if it was just really smooth on his part (being a seasoned networker) or really douchey. I decided it was both. 'Kristy' was also pouring some drinks for some other people at the moment and thus couldn't talk after the initial handshake.
- woebtz 13y ago
  Whoa, unless I'm completely reading this the wrong way, this sounds like a classic Jerry Seinfeld anecdote: a guy eating at a restaurant notices Jerry Seinfeld sitting at a table across the way with a woman and some children. Being a fan of the show, the guy feels compelled to say hello and meet one of his favorite TV stars. He's nearly done with his own meal and after Seinfeld's table's orders have been taken, he makes his approach: "Mr. Seinfeld! Hi, I'm ____. I'm a huge fan of your work...", the guy says with eyes gleaming. Seinfeld briefly glances at the man and then turns towards the woman he's seated next to and smiles. "Would it be a bother to ask you for a picture?", the guy continues. Without missing a beat, Jerry blurts out, "_____, can you believe it? A person would walk up to me, ME, while I'm taking my family out to a nice family dinner, interrupt us, and then have the nerve to ask me for a picture. A picture? Can you believe it? Some people!" Jerry never breaks eye-contact with the woman and never again acknowledges the guy standing by his table and family. The guy eventually slumps away back to his table, pays for his meal, and leaves.
xenonite 13y ago
There is no overthinking. If something is not naturally to you, you would have to learn it at first, too. Only then you can feel comfortable. As an example, I recommend a visit in another country. Socializing is vastly different in another culture. But, even if it is not natural for you at first, take your time, and see that the new culture is learnable! To do this, I really recommend a reflected, thoughtful approach.

thisone 13y ago

I've found quite good reason to fake it. It actually has made me a happier person. I talk much less about myself and learn much more about other people. Whether I'm really truly, deeply interested is not the point. When it comes to working with people, I find it easier to get consensus and motivate people when I know what it is they want. By getting truly interested in other people, it's much easier for me to know what motivates them.

personlurking 13y ago

"Or you don't really care about the people you are meeting." I've been to very few of these events and at one I approached one of the people who gave a short talk earlier in the evening to merely ask him more about his business. Towards the end of my first spoken sentence to the guy, he turned to his female cohort and blurted, "wow, did you hear that, Kristy?" (as she sticks her hand in front of me, while he walks away). It all happened in the span of 5 seconds and I couldn't decide if it was just really smooth on his part (being a seasoned networker) or really douchey. I decided it was both. 'Kristy' was also pouring some drinks for some other people at the moment and thus couldn't talk after the initial handshake.

woebtz 13y ago
Whoa, unless I'm completely reading this the wrong way, this sounds like a classic Jerry Seinfeld anecdote: a guy eating at a restaurant notices Jerry Seinfeld sitting at a table across the way with a woman and some children. Being a fan of the show, the guy feels compelled to say hello and meet one of his favorite TV stars. He's nearly done with his own meal and after Seinfeld's table's orders have been taken, he makes his approach: "Mr. Seinfeld! Hi, I'm ____. I'm a huge fan of your work...", the guy says with eyes gleaming. Seinfeld briefly glances at the man and then turns towards the woman he's seated next to and smiles. "Would it be a bother to ask you for a picture?", the guy continues. Without missing a beat, Jerry blurts out, "_____, can you believe it? A person would walk up to me, ME, while I'm taking my family out to a nice family dinner, interrupt us, and then have the nerve to ask me for a picture. A picture? Can you believe it? Some people!" Jerry never breaks eye-contact with the woman and never again acknowledges the guy standing by his table and family. The guy eventually slumps away back to his table, pays for his meal, and leaves.

xenonite 13y ago

There is no overthinking. If something is not naturally to you, you would have to learn it at first, too. Only then you can feel comfortable. As an example, I recommend a visit in another country. Socializing is vastly different in another culture. But, even if it is not natural for you at first, take your time, and see that the new culture is learnable! To do this, I really recommend a reflected, thoughtful approach.