I feel exactly like you - I'm a little bit deaf so any social gathering is an enormous strain to me (75% of my brain power is directed at just deciphering words

I feel exactly like you - I'm a little bit deaf so any social gathering is an enormous strain to me (75% of my brain power is directed at just deciphering words) I also have awful, prolonged headaches that make me talk really slow - I've been lonely for most of my life, I still feel that way. But it changed when i met a girl at my uni - i ignored her at the time (I thought i could do it all alone!). I only started talking with her after i got thrown out of the uni (mostly over Facebook). I had no idea, i still don't, why she is so kind to me. I fell for her. And that's what made me come out of my shell - she actively tried to help me, but it was my will to do it that actually mattered. I changed and it somehow felt like I was dying, at least some part of me, and I still feel lost and confused - sometimes it is like a completely alien person took my place. But I don't pretend to be something i am not. I just have to come to terms with "new me", possibly still improve. The point (sorry for confusing logic - writing on a phone): 1. Friends kind of happen (I mean true friend, those who you can trust and open to) - of course it takes a lot of work, often pain and anguish too - it isn't always that everything goes smoothly. But you can't just force friendship. My personal experience is that it is easiest to make friends at some kind of a trip - skiing, sailing, camping or rafting or whatever that takes it's participants out of the comfort zone - it weds out douchebags that are all mouth and no action and often brings out true character from others and that makes it easy to grow close to somebody 2. There is always hope. You can find your own Angel in the most ridiculous of circumstances 3. Maybe the changes are positive? (please don't take it as an affront) You have to think it over - "what can I change that drives others away, make them treat me seriously?"