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Other people absolutely have plans. They have them all the time. They have those plans because someone called them up and made those plans. Get used to hearing

Other people absolutely have plans. They have them all the time. They have those plans because someone called them up and made those plans. Get used to hearing no. The only way to do that is to be told no a lot. The only way to be told no is to ask in the first place. It's not easy. It's still not easy for me. I go through long phases where I've given up and refuse to invite people to things or tell them about things I'm going to because I'm unwilling to deal with the feeling of frustration that comes with their being busy or having plans. And then I pick myself back up and ask them and sometimes they are busy or they do have plans. And that sucks. And I make another go at it and hey, they're free that evening! It can happen! And suddenly that evening turns into a great evening. So ask. Call them up and ask. Or text them. Or email them. They're slightly less likely to respond, but for different people, those media work better. Try to do the leg work for them: the less thinking they have to do, the easier it is to say yes.

scotty79 13y ago
I'm not afraid of hearing no. I'd be relived to hear no. I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me or they think they should. Also most of my plans do not come from people calling me. I guess my reservation towards calling other people comes from not wanting to cause trouble to other people just like the ones they would have caused me if they called me. I have no objection to call my friends when I need information or a thing they probably won't mind lending me and would say they mind if they did. I probably need contact with people but I don't like it. It's like when you know you need to eat but you don't realy have the apetite.
- saraid216 13y ago
  > I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me But that's the only reason they would say yes. Unless they're just using you as a source of information or as someone who can lend them a thing. Are you afraid that people like you? That they think they should like you? I feel that the right response here is to link you to Aristotle's conception of friendship: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia You seem to have nothing but friendships of utility. Your friends are people who can give you information or lend you things, and who trouble you when they call upon you for the pleasure of your company. That's the kind of friendship a lobbyist talks about having with the local senator.

scotty79 13y ago

I'm not afraid of hearing no. I'd be relived to hear no. I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me or they think they should. Also most of my plans do not come from people calling me. I guess my reservation towards calling other people comes from not wanting to cause trouble to other people just like the ones they would have caused me if they called me. I have no objection to call my friends when I need information or a thing they probably won't mind lending me and would say they mind if they did. I probably need contact with people but I don't like it. It's like when you know you need to eat but you don't realy have the apetite.

saraid216 13y ago
> I don't want to cause them to say yes when they don't want to just because they like me But that's the only reason they would say yes. Unless they're just using you as a source of information or as someone who can lend them a thing. Are you afraid that people like you? That they think they should like you? I feel that the right response here is to link you to Aristotle's conception of friendship: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philia You seem to have nothing but friendships of utility. Your friends are people who can give you information or lend you things, and who trouble you when they call upon you for the pleasure of your company. That's the kind of friendship a lobbyist talks about having with the local senator.