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When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understa

When I was in college a classmate of mine would come by every day or so to my dorm. He would just hang out, talking about class or whatever. I couldn't understand why he kept coming over, but I was too polite to mention anything. Turns out, he came by because we were friends. In fact, we had been friends the whole time, but I didn't know it! What I missed is that the stages between meeting people and friendship look a lot like hanging out. It seems quite arbitrary -- why this activity, this person? But the hanging out stage _is_ necessary. Unless you text them, knock on their door, set up a gaming night, or go on a road trip, it is hard to grow closer. So the next time you meet someone remember they are probably like you: a bit nerdy, a bit lonely. Just reach out and spend time with them for no reason, and then maybe, someday, you'll discover that you too are friends.

thirdtruck 13y ago
I've known this for a long time (years). However, the recognition tends to keep getting pushed aside by new insights or concerns about my latest project work and to the detriment of making lasting connections. Thank you for putting it in such a succinct form that I must take lasting notice of it.
- thirdtruck 13y ago
  And sweet Sagan, that came out sounding a lot more clinical than I would like. At least that's probably just a product of exhaustion from several hours of karaoke with complete strangers. :)
  - eli_gottlieb 13y ago
    Were you drunk? Drunk karaoke is best karaoke.
    - thirdtruck 13y ago
      There wasn't any drinking, but that might have helped a little. :)
bitwize 13y ago
"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ." The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me!" he said. "I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand." "One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ." "What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ." The next day the little prince came back. "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ." "What is a rite?" asked the little prince. "Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."
- hippee-lee 13y ago
gaius 13y ago
In time new friends turn into the most important thing in life: old friends.
reinhardt 13y ago
I've never really grasped the concept of "hanging out". I feel a get-together has to have a tangible purpose, be it solving a problem, playing a game, cooking or whatnot. Hanging out without a specific "agenda" has always felt forced, awkward and in the long term boring, resulting in me gradually withdrawing from most social circles I've found myself in. I guess I don't get the point of abstract friendship for its own sake.
- JoeAltmaier 13y ago
  'Abstract friendship'? Only real, organic, laugh and cry friendship is worth having. I can't even imagine what an abstract friendship is - maybe 'liking' someone on Facebook?
  - reinhardt 13y ago
    Probably "abstract" wasn't the best term; "context free" maybe? As in, there's little common ground and few if any goal-driven activities involved. You don't "get together to do X", you just "hang out" or "meet up" without a particular reason in mind, and it basically boils down to everyday smalltalk, shooting the shit and mindless drinking. I guess that alone is rewarding enough for normal people and helps keep loneliness at bay but it doesn't do much for me.

thirdtruck 13y ago

I've known this for a long time (years). However, the recognition tends to keep getting pushed aside by new insights or concerns about my latest project work and to the detriment of making lasting connections. Thank you for putting it in such a succinct form that I must take lasting notice of it.

thirdtruck 13y ago
And sweet Sagan, that came out sounding a lot more clinical than I would like. At least that's probably just a product of exhaustion from several hours of karaoke with complete strangers. :)
- eli_gottlieb 13y ago
  Were you drunk? Drunk karaoke is best karaoke.
  - thirdtruck 13y ago
    There wasn't any drinking, but that might have helped a little. :)

bitwize 13y ago

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ." The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me!" he said. "I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand." "One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ." "What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince. "You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ." The next day the little prince came back. "It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ." "What is a rite?" asked the little prince. "Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

hippee-lee 13y ago

gaius 13y ago

In time new friends turn into the most important thing in life: old friends.

reinhardt 13y ago

I've never really grasped the concept of "hanging out". I feel a get-together has to have a tangible purpose, be it solving a problem, playing a game, cooking or whatnot. Hanging out without a specific "agenda" has always felt forced, awkward and in the long term boring, resulting in me gradually withdrawing from most social circles I've found myself in. I guess I don't get the point of abstract friendship for its own sake.

JoeAltmaier 13y ago
'Abstract friendship'? Only real, organic, laugh and cry friendship is worth having. I can't even imagine what an abstract friendship is - maybe 'liking' someone on Facebook?
- reinhardt 13y ago
  Probably "abstract" wasn't the best term; "context free" maybe? As in, there's little common ground and few if any goal-driven activities involved. You don't "get together to do X", you just "hang out" or "meet up" without a particular reason in mind, and it basically boils down to everyday smalltalk, shooting the shit and mindless drinking. I guess that alone is rewarding enough for normal people and helps keep loneliness at bay but it doesn't do much for me.