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I've had so many dates and they all fall through or fade after the third. Found out most women expect guys to drive them everywhere and pay for their dates, abo

by rfnslyr 13y ago

I've had so many dates and they all fall through or fade after the third. Found out most women expect guys to drive them everywhere and pay for their dates, about 50% were offended I didn't pay for all their shit. I've had bad dating experiences.

hnal943 13y ago
Uh, yeah you're supposed to pay for the dates and drive. I guess it depends on who you're trying to catch?
- rfnslyr 13y ago
  I live in the city and don't own a car, and no I won't be anybodies sugar daddy. I can buy a drink or two, as anyone would, sure. I don't know why women feel entitled to my money. I was on one date, and when the waiter brought our two separate bills, she looks at me like I'm retarded for not paying for her meal, an $80 steak dinner. She then proceeded to lecture me on the "rules of dating" and the role of Men in society. I threw $100 down and left mid conversation. If you're looking for some chump to be your chauffeur in exchange for your pussy, look elsewhere. Dating sites give women the illusion that they are superior and guys should be fighting for them. One girl literally said to me "If you're not paying for me and picking me up/dropping me off, I have a ton of other options that will". Wow, so you're in it for the free ride instead of meeting another person with shared interests, thanks for letting me know! Guess I should probably apply to YC, get some funding, and start funding dates!
  - Spearchucker 13y ago
    My solution to this problem was to meet early evening for drinks. I was pretty honest about it (humour thrown in helps), and never had any objection. That's a lot cheaper than a meal and tells me enough to decide whether to proceed or not. Second date was typically an afternoon thing, which a. will be different to other dates she's been taken on and b. might result in dinner, again depending on my impression.
  - silencio 13y ago
    (I'm a woman and) I didn't even know that was a thing until a few years ago. Kind of thought it was a given that we split for dinners, nobody drives me home (ugh, that's kind of creepy on a first date) and on the first few dates the only thing I'll accept is a drink of some sort and that's it. Then some of my male friends went on to enlighten me with their first date stories...wow. Dating sites tend to give women the advantage though (that I had to finally make my okcupid profile only visible to women interested in women due to too many guys messaging me is unbelievable to a lot of my guy friends) so I can see why some women would see things that way. The guy that goes the extra mile to do something...kind of unfair and terrible...stands out more than being just one among many half interesting conversations there. Not that that's right, but a lot of women rather enjoy it. :/
    - rfnslyr 13y ago
      I live in a dense city, Toronto, and I can't find a woman to save my life. What can I do if even dating sites fail me? I feel I'm pretty well off. I have my own apartment and I have a great paying job, and I'd like to think I'm pretty cool as well. I don't get it. Maybe I should date people older than me in a similar position? Apparently splitting the bill has even had its own term coined! "Going Dutch", an event that so rarely occurs, it has even earned its own definition! If by simply not having a car and paying for their dates leaves me in the dust, then I don't want to date. How hard can it be to find like minded people? My god..
      - sheepmullet 13y ago
        I'm going to be brutally honest and let you know from your posts above you come across as a jerk and/or lacking social skills/awareness. When you go against a social norm you have to set expectations early on. Ideally before you even go on a dinner date. None of the women I know have a problem going Dutch; all of them would be really offended if you took them to a fancy restaurant and then when the bill came you expected them to pay half. You have essentially tricked them. Here is a hint: If you want to go Dutch then take a girl for coffee or on a picnic ("you bring the bread and dips, I'll bring the drinks and cheese" etc) at least until you get to know her better. Perhaps to you $80 is nothing. In my early 20's it would have been 8 hours work. Why would I spend a days hard work to have dinner with you when I can have dinner with another guy, who has just as much chance of being a great guy, without the expense?
- zem 13y ago
  people who don't believe in that sort of "supposed to", for the most part!
robterrell 13y ago
Yeah, that's a fair expectation of what a date is, you drive and you pay. Anything else is just two people hanging out. (Source: I dated and eventually got married.) Other possibilities exist, but you shouldn't be surprised by the generally-accepted standards or you're going to continue having "bad experiences."
- fallingOff 13y ago
  Yeah, that's a fair expectation of what a date is, you drive and you pay. Anything else is just two people hanging out. (Source: I dated and eventually got married.) That's ridiculous. Here's a real source: http://blogs.chapman.edu/press-room/2013/08/12/research-on-which-gender-pays-for-a-date-shows-changing-but-also-resistance-to-changing-conventional-gender-norms/ http://blogs.chapman.edu/press-room/2013/08/12/research-on-w... The self-reported study indicates that around 40% of women split the costs of dating, and 44% of men say they would end a relationship if the costs were not shared. This is increasingly true of couples in their 20s. Your statement that "anything else is just two people hanging out" irks me and is not true for 2/5 of couples (in the US, I presume) I'll relate my own situation. I am an American living in Cambodia. I started dating a local girl about a month and a half ago, and we split the expenses for everything. She has a relatively good job by Cambodian standards, but I have to be very cognizant that she has less money than I do, so we choose restaurants and activities that both of us can afford. She is clearly proud of being able to pay for herself, partially I think to distance herself from the stereotype of Cambodian girls marrying for money and/or being prostitutes. If we decide to get married, then sure, my money is her money and vice-versa (and who knows maybe she'll end up being the breadwinner). But as far as dating is concerned, I will forever take a hard line on splitting the costs (or at least contributing in amounts proportional to our income) and if a girl isn't down for that, I'll find someone else.

by rfnslyr 13y ago

hnal943 13y ago

Uh, yeah you're supposed to pay for the dates and drive. I guess it depends on who you're trying to catch?

rfnslyr 13y ago
I live in the city and don't own a car, and no I won't be anybodies sugar daddy. I can buy a drink or two, as anyone would, sure. I don't know why women feel entitled to my money. I was on one date, and when the waiter brought our two separate bills, she looks at me like I'm retarded for not paying for her meal, an $80 steak dinner. She then proceeded to lecture me on the "rules of dating" and the role of Men in society. I threw $100 down and left mid conversation. If you're looking for some chump to be your chauffeur in exchange for your pussy, look elsewhere. Dating sites give women the illusion that they are superior and guys should be fighting for them. One girl literally said to me "If you're not paying for me and picking me up/dropping me off, I have a ton of other options that will". Wow, so you're in it for the free ride instead of meeting another person with shared interests, thanks for letting me know! Guess I should probably apply to YC, get some funding, and start funding dates!
- Spearchucker 13y ago
  My solution to this problem was to meet early evening for drinks. I was pretty honest about it (humour thrown in helps), and never had any objection. That's a lot cheaper than a meal and tells me enough to decide whether to proceed or not. Second date was typically an afternoon thing, which a. will be different to other dates she's been taken on and b. might result in dinner, again depending on my impression.
- silencio 13y ago
  (I'm a woman and) I didn't even know that was a thing until a few years ago. Kind of thought it was a given that we split for dinners, nobody drives me home (ugh, that's kind of creepy on a first date) and on the first few dates the only thing I'll accept is a drink of some sort and that's it. Then some of my male friends went on to enlighten me with their first date stories...wow. Dating sites tend to give women the advantage though (that I had to finally make my okcupid profile only visible to women interested in women due to too many guys messaging me is unbelievable to a lot of my guy friends) so I can see why some women would see things that way. The guy that goes the extra mile to do something...kind of unfair and terrible...stands out more than being just one among many half interesting conversations there. Not that that's right, but a lot of women rather enjoy it. :/
  - rfnslyr 13y ago
    I live in a dense city, Toronto, and I can't find a woman to save my life. What can I do if even dating sites fail me? I feel I'm pretty well off. I have my own apartment and I have a great paying job, and I'd like to think I'm pretty cool as well. I don't get it. Maybe I should date people older than me in a similar position? Apparently splitting the bill has even had its own term coined! "Going Dutch", an event that so rarely occurs, it has even earned its own definition! If by simply not having a car and paying for their dates leaves me in the dust, then I don't want to date. How hard can it be to find like minded people? My god..
    - sheepmullet 13y ago
      I'm going to be brutally honest and let you know from your posts above you come across as a jerk and/or lacking social skills/awareness. When you go against a social norm you have to set expectations early on. Ideally before you even go on a dinner date. None of the women I know have a problem going Dutch; all of them would be really offended if you took them to a fancy restaurant and then when the bill came you expected them to pay half. You have essentially tricked them. Here is a hint: If you want to go Dutch then take a girl for coffee or on a picnic ("you bring the bread and dips, I'll bring the drinks and cheese" etc) at least until you get to know her better. Perhaps to you $80 is nothing. In my early 20's it would have been 8 hours work. Why would I spend a days hard work to have dinner with you when I can have dinner with another guy, who has just as much chance of being a great guy, without the expense?
zem 13y ago
people who don't believe in that sort of "supposed to", for the most part!

robterrell 13y ago

Yeah, that's a fair expectation of what a date is, you drive and you pay. Anything else is just two people hanging out. (Source: I dated and eventually got married.) Other possibilities exist, but you shouldn't be surprised by the generally-accepted standards or you're going to continue having "bad experiences."

fallingOff 13y ago
Yeah, that's a fair expectation of what a date is, you drive and you pay. Anything else is just two people hanging out. (Source: I dated and eventually got married.) That's ridiculous. Here's a real source: http://blogs.chapman.edu/press-room/2013/08/12/research-on-which-gender-pays-for-a-date-shows-changing-but-also-resistance-to-changing-conventional-gender-norms/ http://blogs.chapman.edu/press-room/2013/08/12/research-on-w... The self-reported study indicates that around 40% of women split the costs of dating, and 44% of men say they would end a relationship if the costs were not shared. This is increasingly true of couples in their 20s. Your statement that "anything else is just two people hanging out" irks me and is not true for 2/5 of couples (in the US, I presume) I'll relate my own situation. I am an American living in Cambodia. I started dating a local girl about a month and a half ago, and we split the expenses for everything. She has a relatively good job by Cambodian standards, but I have to be very cognizant that she has less money than I do, so we choose restaurants and activities that both of us can afford. She is clearly proud of being able to pay for herself, partially I think to distance herself from the stereotype of Cambodian girls marrying for money and/or being prostitutes. If we decide to get married, then sure, my money is her money and vice-versa (and who knows maybe she'll end up being the breadwinner). But as far as dating is concerned, I will forever take a hard line on splitting the costs (or at least contributing in amounts proportional to our income) and if a girl isn't down for that, I'll find someone else.