8 ms·

Networking for the Shy Entrepreneur

52 points by curej 17y ago

malvosenior 17y ago
I've never found networking "events" to be of any use. What has worked is asking people you're working with (say investors) for introductions any chance you get. The conversation starts off much warmer and you tend to get to people who are usually too busy to attend conferences for the sake of it.
wallflower 17y ago
A dating coach has a 3C's rule that rates a venue for meeting women that also may apply to networking for shyer people: Conversation-friendliness: How easy is it to hold a conversation (no shouting, no loud music, seating (if needed) ) Community - What brings these people to this venue? (e.g. a bar - random dropins vs art showing - people interested in art). A general networking event may rate low on this index but a Ruby brigade meetup (shared interests) may be high Continuity - How likely are you to meet these people again? How involved can you get? By this rule, local monthly small entrepreneur, coder, hacker meetups may be a much better use of your time than trying a general purpose networking event. Every time I go to a big networking-type event (where I meet people whose job it is to network), I get reminded that its not really my thing; I really go just to observe how bad/well people can make small talk. It's good practice. If you really want to observe good networkers, go to a political fundraising event (these people are pros, for better or worse). I have met people at networking events - the key thing is you'll know pretty quickly if you hit if off with someone - the whole point of networking (as explained to me by the best networker I know - a woman president of a tech company) is to setup a "1st date" to follow-up if you hit it off - you don't go to networking events to have a 20-min conversations with one person but to meet a number of potential people who you might hit it off with for lunch or business. If you go to a networking event and participate, good luck and remember: "One of the most difficult social tasks is to join an activity that is already in progress." Basically that means going up to a group of people who are chatting. There are techniques for doing this but theory is cheap, execution counts.
- kirubakaran 17y ago
  "One of the most difficult social tasks is to join an activity that is already in progress." Basically that means going up to a group of people who are chatting. There are techniques for doing this but theory is cheap, execution counts. Can you please give some tips on how to do this? This is something I definitely need to learn. A friend once invited me to a programmers/founders meet, which was in a bar. [little dark, loud music] I was a little late, tried "hard" to get into the already chatting crowd. They had formed a tight circle, standing, with their backs to me from every fucking angle. The friend just smiled at me and nodded and didn't do much else. I went around them like a moron, not finding any gap to step in, felt really foolish and frustrated, faked a phone call and fled. In my defense, I think I could have 'got in' only by pinching someone's ass. I rationalized it thinking "Fuck them. I'd better be coding right now anyways."
  - seabee 17y ago
    Sounds like you found a bad group and/or your presence wasn't obvious in a place like that. If it was a one-off, swap at least one of those problems and try again, otherwise I defer to more experienced persons...
  - mediaman 17y ago
    There also exists the possibility that they were assholes -- most good businesspeople I know are good about letting the new person in. But in that case given they were who they were, one tactic if you see your friend there is to walk up next to him, loudly say hello and shake hands with him (which opens a crack in the circle as he turns), and then turn to the guy to the left of him, extend your hand, and introduce yourself -- which will force him to open up to you, breaking the circle on the right and left. Then you can do the introductions proceeding from that guy back around the circle up to your friend.
  - cmos 17y ago
    Rules are, if the friend invited you, and in many cases even if not, they are responsible for being overly friendly and inviting you over and introducing you to a couple of the people in the group. If it's a programmer/founder get together, then in the same sentence your friend should also include a major interest or skill or job you have. Sadly, many technically minded people are not aware how to be good 'hosts'. I wouldn't give up though. There aren't many programmer/founder organizations out there. Go again but arrive earlier, when people are just arriving, before the joining of the tight circles (loud bar?). Introduce yourself to the best groomed person you see and then, when your friend arrives, call him over an make sure he knows everyone. It's the right thing to do, and your friend might understand how helpful that can be.
quizbiz 17y ago
What I want to know: How do you start a conversation with a stranger?
- spyrosk 17y ago
  -Nice weather today.. :P Seriously, my best method of starting a chat with a stranger is making a comment about something in the surrounding environment quickly followed by a question about the other person. Try not to talk about the weather as this usually raises a "red flag", ie I really want to talk to you but dont know how. After that, it's mostly questions/answers as you start to get acquainted. Question/answer ratio in your speaking time should be around 80/20. Try to keep your answers relatively short, especially in the beggining, so that you don't bore your conversational partner. You can usually tell if he/she is genuinely interested in a subject as he will request more information about it. As for the questions let him/her finish his answer, nod, have an open body posture, copy his/hers with a 5sec delay and while he/she answers think of the next one. Give some time between his answer and the next question (his/hers or yours) but be ready to fire in case the conversation drifts off to that "awkward silence". In any case try to remember that people like to talk about themselves (hence the question/answer ratio) but this isn't always the case, e.g. you have met an introvert (takes time to start opening up) or someone who's having a bad day (difficult to change his/her mood). Finally, if you fail, don't sweat it. Find what/where the conversation went wrong change your tactic a bit (alter talking speed, think of better generally applied questions, humor) and try again. And don't forget to smile :)
  - philwelch 17y ago
    "Try not to talk about the weather as this usually raises a "red flag", ie I really want to talk to you but dont know how." This varies depending on the region. If you live somewhere with interesting enough weather (i.e. eastern Washington) it's always a topic of discussion. (in June) "Did you see the snow this morning? That was crazy!" (in July) "Man, it's 100 degrees out. Can you believe it snowed last month?"

52 points by curej 17y ago

I've never found networking "events" to be of any use. What has worked is asking people you're working with (say investors) for introductions any chance you get. The conversation starts off much warmer and you tend to get to people who are usually too busy to attend conferences for the sake of it.

wallflower 17y ago

A dating coach has a 3C's rule that rates a venue for meeting women that also may apply to networking for shyer people: Conversation-friendliness: How easy is it to hold a conversation (no shouting, no loud music, seating (if needed) ) Community - What brings these people to this venue? (e.g. a bar - random dropins vs art showing - people interested in art). A general networking event may rate low on this index but a Ruby brigade meetup (shared interests) may be high Continuity - How likely are you to meet these people again? How involved can you get? By this rule, local monthly small entrepreneur, coder, hacker meetups may be a much better use of your time than trying a general purpose networking event. Every time I go to a big networking-type event (where I meet people whose job it is to network), I get reminded that its not really my thing; I really go just to observe how bad/well people can make small talk. It's good practice. If you really want to observe good networkers, go to a political fundraising event (these people are pros, for better or worse). I have met people at networking events - the key thing is you'll know pretty quickly if you hit if off with someone - the whole point of networking (as explained to me by the best networker I know - a woman president of a tech company) is to setup a "1st date" to follow-up if you hit it off - you don't go to networking events to have a 20-min conversations with one person but to meet a number of potential people who you might hit it off with for lunch or business. If you go to a networking event and participate, good luck and remember: "One of the most difficult social tasks is to join an activity that is already in progress." Basically that means going up to a group of people who are chatting. There are techniques for doing this but theory is cheap, execution counts.

kirubakaran 17y ago
"One of the most difficult social tasks is to join an activity that is already in progress." Basically that means going up to a group of people who are chatting. There are techniques for doing this but theory is cheap, execution counts. Can you please give some tips on how to do this? This is something I definitely need to learn. A friend once invited me to a programmers/founders meet, which was in a bar. [little dark, loud music] I was a little late, tried "hard" to get into the already chatting crowd. They had formed a tight circle, standing, with their backs to me from every fucking angle. The friend just smiled at me and nodded and didn't do much else. I went around them like a moron, not finding any gap to step in, felt really foolish and frustrated, faked a phone call and fled. In my defense, I think I could have 'got in' only by pinching someone's ass. I rationalized it thinking "Fuck them. I'd better be coding right now anyways."
- seabee 17y ago
  Sounds like you found a bad group and/or your presence wasn't obvious in a place like that. If it was a one-off, swap at least one of those problems and try again, otherwise I defer to more experienced persons...
- mediaman 17y ago
  There also exists the possibility that they were assholes -- most good businesspeople I know are good about letting the new person in. But in that case given they were who they were, one tactic if you see your friend there is to walk up next to him, loudly say hello and shake hands with him (which opens a crack in the circle as he turns), and then turn to the guy to the left of him, extend your hand, and introduce yourself -- which will force him to open up to you, breaking the circle on the right and left. Then you can do the introductions proceeding from that guy back around the circle up to your friend.
- cmos 17y ago
  Rules are, if the friend invited you, and in many cases even if not, they are responsible for being overly friendly and inviting you over and introducing you to a couple of the people in the group. If it's a programmer/founder get together, then in the same sentence your friend should also include a major interest or skill or job you have. Sadly, many technically minded people are not aware how to be good 'hosts'. I wouldn't give up though. There aren't many programmer/founder organizations out there. Go again but arrive earlier, when people are just arriving, before the joining of the tight circles (loud bar?). Introduce yourself to the best groomed person you see and then, when your friend arrives, call him over an make sure he knows everyone. It's the right thing to do, and your friend might understand how helpful that can be.

quizbiz 17y ago

What I want to know: How do you start a conversation with a stranger?

spyrosk 17y ago
-Nice weather today.. :P Seriously, my best method of starting a chat with a stranger is making a comment about something in the surrounding environment quickly followed by a question about the other person. Try not to talk about the weather as this usually raises a "red flag", ie I really want to talk to you but dont know how. After that, it's mostly questions/answers as you start to get acquainted. Question/answer ratio in your speaking time should be around 80/20. Try to keep your answers relatively short, especially in the beggining, so that you don't bore your conversational partner. You can usually tell if he/she is genuinely interested in a subject as he will request more information about it. As for the questions let him/her finish his answer, nod, have an open body posture, copy his/hers with a 5sec delay and while he/she answers think of the next one. Give some time between his answer and the next question (his/hers or yours) but be ready to fire in case the conversation drifts off to that "awkward silence". In any case try to remember that people like to talk about themselves (hence the question/answer ratio) but this isn't always the case, e.g. you have met an introvert (takes time to start opening up) or someone who's having a bad day (difficult to change his/her mood). Finally, if you fail, don't sweat it. Find what/where the conversation went wrong change your tactic a bit (alter talking speed, think of better generally applied questions, humor) and try again. And don't forget to smile :)
- philwelch 17y ago
  "Try not to talk about the weather as this usually raises a "red flag", ie I really want to talk to you but dont know how." This varies depending on the region. If you live somewhere with interesting enough weather (i.e. eastern Washington) it's always a topic of discussion. (in June) "Did you see the snow this morning? That was crazy!" (in July) "Man, it's 100 degrees out. Can you believe it snowed last month?"