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When people show up to networking meetings with a gift (book, chocolate, whatever) I know I'm being manipulated but I don't mind. I'm more likely to pass them

When people show up to networking meetings with a gift (book, chocolate, whatever) I know I'm being manipulated but I don't mind. I'm more likely to pass them on with a good reference because I know they'll behave well if I send them on. This is despite knowing that they're manipulating me.

japhyr 13y ago
You can tell pretty quickly whether it's manipulation or a kind gesture. Manipulation: gift + nothing meaningful to share Kind gesture: gift + something really meaningful to network about
- mathattack 13y ago
  True. But many times the networking comes from a junior person looking for help finding a job. I take those calls because everyone has to start somewhere. Usually I pick up the Starbucks because they're less likely to have any income yet, and the people taking care of me back in the day did the same thing. Though maybe I should pick up the Starbucks just to not get manipulated. :-)
  - EGreg 13y ago
    One man's manipulation is another man's manners / ingenuity. Do you manipulate your parents by talking to them differently than to your friends?
    - mathattack 13y ago
      Most definitely so! :-)
- Nimi 13y ago
  Kindly disagree here. Many people simply "need a favor", and frame it as such, without any manipulation. While I'm requesting another person's time, I might as well bring a small token of appreciation.
jseliger 13y ago
When people show up to networking meetings with a gift (book, chocolate, whatever) I know I'm being manipulated but I don't mind One could characterize it as "manipulation," which has a negative connotation, but it could also be conceptualized as dealing with a person who brings something to the table—that is, who understands that your time / effort is presumably valuable, and that they shouldn't expect something for nothing. Trying to pay outright would be overly expensive and too intrusive, but a small thing like coffee demonstrates that the person wants to differentiate themselves from most people, and that they have something at stake. People treat "free" as very different than "not free," which Dan Ariely describes in Predictably Irrational, and people treat exchanges in a special way, as Lewis Hyde describes in The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World.
cperciva 13y ago
Companies which write to me saying "we're using some open source code you wrote, thanks for doing that -- here's a free t-shirt" tend to get more help from me when they write back later to say that they're having trouble with something.
- mathattack 13y ago
  Paying for favors in advance goes a long way. I like the saying, "Dig the well before you need it."

japhyr 13y ago

You can tell pretty quickly whether it's manipulation or a kind gesture. Manipulation: gift + nothing meaningful to share Kind gesture: gift + something really meaningful to network about

mathattack 13y ago
True. But many times the networking comes from a junior person looking for help finding a job. I take those calls because everyone has to start somewhere. Usually I pick up the Starbucks because they're less likely to have any income yet, and the people taking care of me back in the day did the same thing. Though maybe I should pick up the Starbucks just to not get manipulated. :-)
- EGreg 13y ago
  One man's manipulation is another man's manners / ingenuity. Do you manipulate your parents by talking to them differently than to your friends?
  - mathattack 13y ago
    Most definitely so! :-)
Nimi 13y ago
Kindly disagree here. Many people simply "need a favor", and frame it as such, without any manipulation. While I'm requesting another person's time, I might as well bring a small token of appreciation.

jseliger 13y ago

When people show up to networking meetings with a gift (book, chocolate, whatever) I know I'm being manipulated but I don't mind One could characterize it as "manipulation," which has a negative connotation, but it could also be conceptualized as dealing with a person who brings something to the table—that is, who understands that your time / effort is presumably valuable, and that they shouldn't expect something for nothing. Trying to pay outright would be overly expensive and too intrusive, but a small thing like coffee demonstrates that the person wants to differentiate themselves from most people, and that they have something at stake. People treat "free" as very different than "not free," which Dan Ariely describes in Predictably Irrational, and people treat exchanges in a special way, as Lewis Hyde describes in The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World.

cperciva 13y ago

Companies which write to me saying "we're using some open source code you wrote, thanks for doing that -- here's a free t-shirt" tend to get more help from me when they write back later to say that they're having trouble with something.

mathattack 13y ago
Paying for favors in advance goes a long way. I like the saying, "Dig the well before you need it."