I guess I'm possibly damaged in that I don't find life (including my own) to be inherently valuable unless I'm doing something I'm good at and/or effecting some

I guess I'm possibly damaged in that I don't find life (including my own) to be inherently valuable unless I'm doing something I'm good at and/or effecting some kind of change on things (it just happens that the things I'm good at and changes I can effect are fairly marketable and so they became my job). I don't work to live, or live to work, I work to work and live because the alternative (very probably, at least) lacks opportunities for interesting work or socialization. I try to get into hobbies (which seem to by definition be doing sorts of work which aren't marketable or impactful) but it's hard to find the point in them. I'll likely never get good enough at say, guitar for it to matter in any way. If I've got nothing social to do on a Sunday evening, closing a ticket at least makes the customer and/or a few hundred of their end users a bit happier come Monday morning. If I'm hourly on the project then it's a few more bucks for my retirement account. All in all, it handily beats feeling like an idiot clumsily flailing on my guitar for a few hours - though I sometimes choose to do that anyway.