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Great response mercer. I have to clarify one thing for you though. Having a family IS extremely gratifying but it doesn't come at the expense of freedom. Sim

by gregd 13y ago

Great response mercer. I have to clarify one thing for you though. Having a family IS extremely gratifying but it doesn't come at the expense of freedom. Simply put, your priorities change. What may seem like a loss of freedom to you now, will probably become less and less important to you as you take on a family. There is something immensely gratifying in doing work that you're also passionate about..don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that for a lot of people I know, a job is simply a means to an end. That end being, putting food on the table to feed your family and if you're lucky, your SO can stay home with the kids for a while (which I was fortunate to be able to provide for). I wouldn't say that I'm passionate about my work. I enjoy it but it's not who I am. I don't identify with it anymore. I identify with how my children are as people and I identify with my relationships with others. The old adage is true, I will never say to myself (on my deathbed) that I'd wish I'd spent more time in the office...

mercutio2 13y ago
> I have to clarify one thing for you though. Having a > family IS extremely gratifying but it doesn't come at the > expense of freedom. Simply put, your priorities change. > What may seem like a loss of freedom to you now, will > probably become less and less important to you as you take > on a family. Hmm. I'm glad this is true for you. It's certainly not true for me (or most parents I'm close friends with). Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and daughter and wouldn't trade them in. But I have mourned my adventures lost and I expect I will continue to do so. It's certainly also true that emotionally well-balanced people don't dwell too much on the impossible, and I strive to find joy in the very different opportunities parenthood presents. I also have found my priorities adjust with partnership and parenthood, so some adventures no longer have the same allure. But I would never counsel unattached people that parenthood doesn't entail dramatic loss of freedom. That just sounds like crazy talk to this parent. Rather, I'd say: parenthood can be wonderful! But I sure recommend getting your fill of adventure before embarking on reproductively oriented sexual activity.
- mercer 13y ago
  What do you miss most, if I may ask?
mercer 13y ago
Interesting. Maybe it's all about changes in priority throughout life. I feel frustrated to see so many of those around my age settle for and into something that perhaps at a later time would be fine, but just seems like a waste currently. I'm still pretty young, but I already notice how priorities change. I feel less of a need to be part of a 'clique' than a few years ago, for example. But I'm happy that in my college years I joined a student organisation and had all the 'clique' I needed, because I'm pretty sure it would've felt like something I'd missed out on otherwise. My frustrations don't primarily stem from a belief that there is one 'path' that makes everyone happy, but primarily from the belief that, living in the richest part of the world at a time where we're still doing quite well (Holland/Germany/etc.), it's such a waste to settle for less than something that makes you happy. And yet many of my peers do just that. I often try to think of ways to change that, while being mindful that my path to happiness does not apply to everyone (or I try to, anyways. Plenty of youthful arrogance left in me!). Anyways, thanks for the advice/perspective. I'm sure that my priorities will change significantly as I age, and I try to be mindful of that fact.

by gregd 13y ago

mercutio2 13y ago

> I have to clarify one thing for you though. Having a > family IS extremely gratifying but it doesn't come at the > expense of freedom. Simply put, your priorities change. > What may seem like a loss of freedom to you now, will > probably become less and less important to you as you take > on a family. Hmm. I'm glad this is true for you. It's certainly not true for me (or most parents I'm close friends with). Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and daughter and wouldn't trade them in. But I have mourned my adventures lost and I expect I will continue to do so. It's certainly also true that emotionally well-balanced people don't dwell too much on the impossible, and I strive to find joy in the very different opportunities parenthood presents. I also have found my priorities adjust with partnership and parenthood, so some adventures no longer have the same allure. But I would never counsel unattached people that parenthood doesn't entail dramatic loss of freedom. That just sounds like crazy talk to this parent. Rather, I'd say: parenthood can be wonderful! But I sure recommend getting your fill of adventure before embarking on reproductively oriented sexual activity.

mercer 13y ago
What do you miss most, if I may ask?

mercer 13y ago

Interesting. Maybe it's all about changes in priority throughout life. I feel frustrated to see so many of those around my age settle for and into something that perhaps at a later time would be fine, but just seems like a waste currently. I'm still pretty young, but I already notice how priorities change. I feel less of a need to be part of a 'clique' than a few years ago, for example. But I'm happy that in my college years I joined a student organisation and had all the 'clique' I needed, because I'm pretty sure it would've felt like something I'd missed out on otherwise. My frustrations don't primarily stem from a belief that there is one 'path' that makes everyone happy, but primarily from the belief that, living in the richest part of the world at a time where we're still doing quite well (Holland/Germany/etc.), it's such a waste to settle for less than something that makes you happy. And yet many of my peers do just that. I often try to think of ways to change that, while being mindful that my path to happiness does not apply to everyone (or I try to, anyways. Plenty of youthful arrogance left in me!). Anyways, thanks for the advice/perspective. I'm sure that my priorities will change significantly as I age, and I try to be mindful of that fact.