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Confront him bluntly with discussion about burial details and his will. Ask if he would record a message to his grandchildren he'll never see. Ask about his liv

by epc 13y ago

Confront him bluntly with discussion about burial details and his will. Ask if he would record a message to his grandchildren he'll never see. Ask about his living will, does he want to be on life support? How about if he is brain dead? Sorry to be so blunt, I went through something like this with my father. He refused to change his ways until he had a massive MI resulting in a heart bypass which he never fully recovered from, dying at 57 (I was 30 at the time of the MI and CTO of ibm.com). To fully change he needs the support of the family, but he needs to accept the need to change. Without that you will just frustrate yourself and your family.

beat 13y ago
Yes, exactly. The living will conversation. It may not change his ways, but it'll make him respect how you feel about it, hopefully. For me, it was 2009, the year everyone died. I lost so many friends and family, and so many of my friends lost friends and family, I couldn't even count them all. My bandmate in particular struggled with a father who had been a lifelong hermit, and was utterly uncooperative in his own care. He had no will, and my bandmate was the sole heir of a house that had been in the family for generations (since the 1850s). It was a legal mess waiting to happen. Meanwhile, I lost another bandmate, just a few years older than me, to cancer, and lost a friend of 15 years to suicide. Terrible, terrible year. This led me to a conversation with my children, who were 15 at the time. I told them that if I ever get to where I can't take care of myself and their mother can't take care of me for whatever reason, that they should do whatever it takes to take care of me. Take away my car, take over my finances, put me in a nursing home, whatever. I warned them that I'll tell them not to do those things then. They shouldn't listen to me then, because I'll be senile! But seriously, parents may not do what is best for their children, but they can at least care that that's their choice.

by epc 13y ago

beat 13y ago

Yes, exactly. The living will conversation. It may not change his ways, but it'll make him respect how you feel about it, hopefully. For me, it was 2009, the year everyone died. I lost so many friends and family, and so many of my friends lost friends and family, I couldn't even count them all. My bandmate in particular struggled with a father who had been a lifelong hermit, and was utterly uncooperative in his own care. He had no will, and my bandmate was the sole heir of a house that had been in the family for generations (since the 1850s). It was a legal mess waiting to happen. Meanwhile, I lost another bandmate, just a few years older than me, to cancer, and lost a friend of 15 years to suicide. Terrible, terrible year. This led me to a conversation with my children, who were 15 at the time. I told them that if I ever get to where I can't take care of myself and their mother can't take care of me for whatever reason, that they should do whatever it takes to take care of me. Take away my car, take over my finances, put me in a nursing home, whatever. I warned them that I'll tell them not to do those things then. They shouldn't listen to me then, because I'll be senile! But seriously, parents may not do what is best for their children, but they can at least care that that's their choice.