4 ms·

Great article, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years last week and me being ultra-focused on my start-up was a big cause. I'm pretty sure relationships

Great article, I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years last week and me being ultra-focused on my start-up was a big cause. I'm pretty sure relationships and start-ups don't mix even if you are older and wiser.

shimon 17y ago
It's certainly a challenge to balance the two, but from what I've seen there is a large range of workable tradeoffs. We all want to validate the particular tradeoff we've chosen, but ultimately the way you go is a question of your own values, not something inherent to the challenge.
abstractbill 17y ago
I'm pretty sure relationships and start-ups don't mix even if you are older and wiser. I know several counterexamples to this, and I believe I am one myself.
axod 17y ago
It's all about communication, expectations, priorities etc. Usual relationship stuff. As long as you're on the same page, everything mixes fine. There's nothing particularly unique about startups either. Lots of professions call for enormous dedication and periods of complete emersion in a project for some time.
- tptacek 17y ago
  What's different about startups is that the demands are unpredictable. A couple can steel itself for law school. And lots of marriages do break up over medical careers.
  - axod 17y ago
    What about sports though? For example football players transferring teams, suddenly being apart from their families, having to train in quick bursts, suddenly being in the playoffs/world cup/etc. Seems very unpredictable to me. Plenty of other professions that are like that, I'd expect Musician, Actor, Artist to be pretty unpredictable/high stress.
    - abstractbill 17y ago
      Actually I'd expect almost any career to be like this, for those who are in the top 1% or so of their profession.
    - menloparkbum 17y ago
      Pro athletes make enough money to alleviate most of the issues that their lifestyle brings about. Plus, they are pro athletes. Yet they still get divorced. And sometimes they don't. Musicians, actors and artists get divorced all the time. Or not. Artists on the other hand never make any money, they are busy all the time, and have a very predictable lifestyle (always broke, always working). They usually get dumped because their SO wants to live in an apartment that has its own bathroom and shower.
    - prpon 17y ago
      In every interesting profession, your professional life eats into your personal life. Imagine being an astronaut and telling your wife you need to be away for a few months and that you have to train extra hours. If your career is interesting enough and eats up your personal time, it probably is ok with your spouse. However, be a truck driver and try explaining your spouse why you need to be away 4 days of the week.
  - scott_s 17y ago
    The couple attrition rate for tenure-seeking professors is bad as well.
    - menloparkbum 17y ago
      Academia is worse than startup-land for relationships because it's almost certain that you are going to have to move around a lot, and quite possibly to a college town in the middle of nowhere. Startups you don't really have to move, and even if you do, most of the places you would be moving to are pretty nice.
    - Skeletor 17y ago
      Also because of good looking young students looking to get better grades from their Professors.
run4yourlives 17y ago
Older and wiser though is exactly that. Never underestimate how different you and your significant other will be in 10 years. You will make different choices and have different expectations. For many of those that aren't able to think "investment" at 22, there will be a sudden realization at 32.

shimon 17y ago

It's certainly a challenge to balance the two, but from what I've seen there is a large range of workable tradeoffs. We all want to validate the particular tradeoff we've chosen, but ultimately the way you go is a question of your own values, not something inherent to the challenge.

abstractbill 17y ago

I'm pretty sure relationships and start-ups don't mix even if you are older and wiser. I know several counterexamples to this, and I believe I am one myself.

axod 17y ago

It's all about communication, expectations, priorities etc. Usual relationship stuff. As long as you're on the same page, everything mixes fine. There's nothing particularly unique about startups either. Lots of professions call for enormous dedication and periods of complete emersion in a project for some time.

tptacek 17y ago
What's different about startups is that the demands are unpredictable. A couple can steel itself for law school. And lots of marriages do break up over medical careers.
- axod 17y ago
  What about sports though? For example football players transferring teams, suddenly being apart from their families, having to train in quick bursts, suddenly being in the playoffs/world cup/etc. Seems very unpredictable to me. Plenty of other professions that are like that, I'd expect Musician, Actor, Artist to be pretty unpredictable/high stress.
  - abstractbill 17y ago
    Actually I'd expect almost any career to be like this, for those who are in the top 1% or so of their profession.
  - menloparkbum 17y ago
    Pro athletes make enough money to alleviate most of the issues that their lifestyle brings about. Plus, they are pro athletes. Yet they still get divorced. And sometimes they don't. Musicians, actors and artists get divorced all the time. Or not. Artists on the other hand never make any money, they are busy all the time, and have a very predictable lifestyle (always broke, always working). They usually get dumped because their SO wants to live in an apartment that has its own bathroom and shower.
  - prpon 17y ago
    In every interesting profession, your professional life eats into your personal life. Imagine being an astronaut and telling your wife you need to be away for a few months and that you have to train extra hours. If your career is interesting enough and eats up your personal time, it probably is ok with your spouse. However, be a truck driver and try explaining your spouse why you need to be away 4 days of the week.
- scott_s 17y ago
  The couple attrition rate for tenure-seeking professors is bad as well.
  - menloparkbum 17y ago
    Academia is worse than startup-land for relationships because it's almost certain that you are going to have to move around a lot, and quite possibly to a college town in the middle of nowhere. Startups you don't really have to move, and even if you do, most of the places you would be moving to are pretty nice.
  - Skeletor 17y ago
    Also because of good looking young students looking to get better grades from their Professors.

run4yourlives 17y ago

Older and wiser though is exactly that. Never underestimate how different you and your significant other will be in 10 years. You will make different choices and have different expectations. For many of those that aren't able to think "investment" at 22, there will be a sudden realization at 32.