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Ways to Make NSA Spying Popular with Americans

28 points by newscloud 13y ago

japaget 13y ago
Site is down; there is apparently no cache available. Could someone please post items 1-9?
- deleted 13y ago
  [deleted]
- japaget 13y ago
  The full text of the article, from Feedburner: Ten Ways to Make NSA Spying Popular with Americans Posted:Sun, 20 Oct 2013 20:30:33 +0000 With a more entrepreneurial focus, the NSA could easily counteract the current unpopularity of its surveillance programs and eliminate concerns over the cost of its multi-billion dollar programs. Here are ten services the NSA could offer to make its spying more popular with Americans and offset the costs of its massive data collection: 1. Make flying easier. Since the NSA knows who the terrorists are, it can generate proceeds from “Not a Terrorist” badges which allow the wearer to bypass security screenings. For an additional fee, it will text you ahead of time if you’re booked in the middle seat between two lumberjacks. 2. Simplifying tax time. Since the NSA knows everything about our finances and credit card transactions, it will file your return with the IRS. Never be audited again. 3. Data recovery. Lose your phone? The NSA will restore your contact list. Hard drive fail? No worries, the NSA will rebuild it from the cloud. 4. Avoid annoying people. The NSA’s new mobile app will help you identify and avoid specific people. Is that chatty coworker in the restroom? Know before you go. Never run into your ex again. 5. Find your teenager. Kid out past curfew? AT&T and Verizon won’t help? Don’t guess. The NSA’s mobile app will pinpoint your teenager on a moment’s notice. 6. Private investigations. Is the guy you’re dating married? Is your spouse having an affair? There’s no need to hire a private investigator. The NSA will monitor the activities of those around you and email you if there’s anything you should know. 7. Improving relationships. Need to playback that conversation with your partner from 3 days ago where they’d agreed to cancel dinner reservations with your mom? No problem, the NSA audio cloud (built in to iOS and Android) will make it easy to retrieve. 8. Unlimited remote access to data. Out of dropbox space? Need a file from home or from your ex-boyfriend’s computer? No problem, the NSA’s cloud file store has it. 9. Access to medical records. Need to lookup an x-ray for your doctor? Want genetic testing reports on your date? The NSA mobile app has that too. 10. Truly secure email services. Using email encryption is hard, a surveillance-free email service would be super popular right now. If you have more ideas for the NSA, tweet them with the hashtag #NSAapps.
deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
coldcode 13y ago
Funny post. But what would a world be like where everyone knew everything about everyone?
- cclogg 13y ago
  Like Protoss from Starcraft would be my guess...
jerryhuang100 13y ago
#11. Ads selling - #NSAAdSense: based on the mobile meta data and past patterns to sell local ads to individual where he or she would be in half hour or 24 hours. Or, based on phone conversations to sell products or services. i.e. Mr. A on the phone: honey, i just got my bonus! we could afford that swimming pool you want. Next NSA could show ads of swim pools on his wife's tv.
enupten 13y ago
#12: Home Security: Worried about someone breaking into your house ? Leave it up to the NSA, to keep an eye and ear on your place, while you're both home and away. We'll even call the FBI, in case a "terrorist" comes into your house. Small print: The definition of a "terrorist" is classified, in order to protect you from the said "terrorist".
jerryhuang100 13y ago
#13. Dating app - BarBuddy or #NSAMatch: by showing you people who just broke up or divorced, based on phone / texts / emails data mining, in your local bar.
nickler 13y ago
#14: Premium tailored identities. Tired of everyone's facebook feed showing you the life you could be living? NSA's new bond.me app will tag you in photos of beautiful people, in exotic locations, doing outrageous activities. Only you and the NSA will know the real truth!

28 points by newscloud 13y ago

japaget 13y ago

Site is down; there is apparently no cache available. Could someone please post items 1-9?

deleted 13y ago
[deleted]
japaget 13y ago
The full text of the article, from Feedburner: Ten Ways to Make NSA Spying Popular with Americans Posted:Sun, 20 Oct 2013 20:30:33 +0000 With a more entrepreneurial focus, the NSA could easily counteract the current unpopularity of its surveillance programs and eliminate concerns over the cost of its multi-billion dollar programs. Here are ten services the NSA could offer to make its spying more popular with Americans and offset the costs of its massive data collection: 1. Make flying easier. Since the NSA knows who the terrorists are, it can generate proceeds from “Not a Terrorist” badges which allow the wearer to bypass security screenings. For an additional fee, it will text you ahead of time if you’re booked in the middle seat between two lumberjacks. 2. Simplifying tax time. Since the NSA knows everything about our finances and credit card transactions, it will file your return with the IRS. Never be audited again. 3. Data recovery. Lose your phone? The NSA will restore your contact list. Hard drive fail? No worries, the NSA will rebuild it from the cloud. 4. Avoid annoying people. The NSA’s new mobile app will help you identify and avoid specific people. Is that chatty coworker in the restroom? Know before you go. Never run into your ex again. 5. Find your teenager. Kid out past curfew? AT&T and Verizon won’t help? Don’t guess. The NSA’s mobile app will pinpoint your teenager on a moment’s notice. 6. Private investigations. Is the guy you’re dating married? Is your spouse having an affair? There’s no need to hire a private investigator. The NSA will monitor the activities of those around you and email you if there’s anything you should know. 7. Improving relationships. Need to playback that conversation with your partner from 3 days ago where they’d agreed to cancel dinner reservations with your mom? No problem, the NSA audio cloud (built in to iOS and Android) will make it easy to retrieve. 8. Unlimited remote access to data. Out of dropbox space? Need a file from home or from your ex-boyfriend’s computer? No problem, the NSA’s cloud file store has it. 9. Access to medical records. Need to lookup an x-ray for your doctor? Want genetic testing reports on your date? The NSA mobile app has that too. 10. Truly secure email services. Using email encryption is hard, a surveillance-free email service would be super popular right now. If you have more ideas for the NSA, tweet them with the hashtag #NSAapps.

deleted 13y ago

[deleted]

coldcode 13y ago

Funny post. But what would a world be like where everyone knew everything about everyone?

cclogg 13y ago
Like Protoss from Starcraft would be my guess...

jerryhuang100 13y ago

#11. Ads selling - #NSAAdSense: based on the mobile meta data and past patterns to sell local ads to individual where he or she would be in half hour or 24 hours. Or, based on phone conversations to sell products or services. i.e. Mr. A on the phone: honey, i just got my bonus! we could afford that swimming pool you want. Next NSA could show ads of swim pools on his wife's tv.

enupten 13y ago

#12: Home Security: Worried about someone breaking into your house ? Leave it up to the NSA, to keep an eye and ear on your place, while you're both home and away. We'll even call the FBI, in case a "terrorist" comes into your house. Small print: The definition of a "terrorist" is classified, in order to protect you from the said "terrorist".

jerryhuang100 13y ago

#13. Dating app - BarBuddy or #NSAMatch: by showing you people who just broke up or divorced, based on phone / texts / emails data mining, in your local bar.

nickler 13y ago

#14: Premium tailored identities. Tired of everyone's facebook feed showing you the life you could be living? NSA's new bond.me app will tag you in photos of beautiful people, in exotic locations, doing outrageous activities. Only you and the NSA will know the real truth!