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Building nonsuperficial relationships with people is a great way to get uncomfortable opinions/data about your actions. I have often been criticized/enlightene
by timf 17y ago
Building nonsuperficial relationships with people is a great way to get uncomfortable opinions/data about your actions.
I have often been criticized/enlightened by my wife (usually in a nice way ;-)) and ended up eventually agreeing. This happens less often with my good friends but it still happens.
I think there are always going to be illusions in the way of this "help" in every nonsuperficial relationship (whether perceived by zero, one, or both parties). But that does not mean it is a fundamentally untrustworthy source of feedback to me.
Regarding "cognitive dissonance", I wonder if there is a way to recognize and welcome it more (not sure how delusional this is, but I have experienced deep contradictions and they do seem to "feel" a certain way).
- TomOfTTB 17y agoIn fairness people you have "nonsuperficial relationships" with will just as often not tell you things to spare your feelings and, as my grandpa used to say, "a thermometer that's only right half the time is no better than one that's never right at all"
- timf 17y agoThat is one of the things I meant by "I think there are always going to be illusions in the way of this "help""
- TomOfTTB 17y agoI thought you probably did but I figured I'd make the point a little more bluntly because it set up my real response which was that advice with illusions isn't all that usefull when trying to see yourself accurately.
- billswift 17y agoIt isn't enough by itself, but the best aid I have read to this is PG's essay on keeping your identity small (http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html). The fewer things you self-identify as, the less dissonance new information is likely to cause.