3 ms·

Yeah, seems like a good submission. A couple thoughts: People do pay to get into a certain building to meet other single people (I'm thinking about nightclubs

by TrevorJ 17y ago

Yeah, seems like a good submission. A couple thoughts: People do pay to get into a certain building to meet other single people (I'm thinking about nightclubs and bars that have cover charges here). Also, your point about people mostly meeting partners through friends is valid but the REAL question is does it happen this way becasue that's the 'best' way to meet somebody or becasue it's currently one of the biggest ways humans meet new people? In other words, does it work this way becasue this way works best, or does it work this way because it just happens to provide the most chances? That being said, your assessment of the problem is solid. It's an idea worth honing in on. The one thing you'd want to be able to hang onto from the "walled garden" sites is the fact that everyone there has expressed interest and availability for a dating relationship. This lowers the risk for those who do the asking since you are less likely to get rebuffed in the "EW, I'm dating already, thank you very much creepo!" sort of way.

dsplittgerber 17y ago
Thanks for your feedback! Great point about the most efficient way to meet a partner! This is indeed a great question one should ask oneself. I see a problem with that approach though: I guess many people don't want to mix 'efficiency' with dating and human interactions and emotions too much. It's probably socially accepted to use dating sites, but are we already on our way to rethink our entire approach to dating? The expression of interest is indeed a good concept to hang on to. Which is why social networks are especially suitable for adding dating - you can add a simple "are you open to dating approaches?"-setting.
- heed 17y ago
  Like TrevorJ said, meeting people through a circle of friends may not be the best method for landing a date, but it could help to relieve the lingering stigmas of online dating. I know many people that still frown upon and feel uneasy about digital hookups. It might be useful to investigate ways of reaching these people. Maybe like a dating site in disguise?
  - dave_au 17y ago
    Or they could just lie about it: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuffer2005/3216972462/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuffer2005/3216972462/
- TrevorJ 17y ago
  Agreed. In fact, I think getting 6 pages of profile to look through to try to find somebody you may want to contact on a dating site is counterproductive and probably frustrates people a lot. At first I thought that maybe your idea subverts the role of the intermediate players in our lives. (The people who go "Hey, I know this person you should me, let me introduce you.") But what if you actually allowed that to happen in the social 'net? Do you think it would be handy if you could anonymously suggest to friend A and Friend B that they connect if they don't know each other?
  - dsplittgerber 17y ago
    Good questions. What value do intermediate players provide? Is it in them playing cupid or is it in them being a trustee? Why do people who are introduced to each other go along and talk to the other one - is it because they are interested in a stranger or because they trust the intermediate player? I tend to think it's the latter which is why anonymous suggestions may not work. What do you think?
    - TrevorJ 17y ago
      Hmm, good question. If you knew it was through a mutual friend it could still work, but maybe it should not be anonymous.
potatolicious 17y ago
The nightclub comparison isn't like dating sites - the traditional dating site is more closely related to matchmaking agencies. I mean sure, you pay to get into a building with other single people - but the purpose is not to find a date, or heck, even converse with them.
- froo 17y ago
  but the purpose is not to find a date, or heck, even converse with them. I don't know if you quite understand the colloquialism "being on the pull" That is the entire point of going into a nightclub/pub in this scenario, to meet people. All of the ingredients are there - a gathering of people and social lubrication (alcohol)... perfect for the dating scenario. That's why there's an entire industry around picking up in bars/clubs.
  - scott_s 17y ago
    What potatolicious implied is that people don't go to bars and nightclubs to find dates, they go to find partners for casual sex.
    - froo 17y ago
      You haven't spoken to many women about it have you? Male perspective - bars + clubs = casual sex* Female perspective - bars + clubs = for dating* *There will obviously be outliers in both cases, but that's generally how it plays out.
      - dkarl 17y ago
        I think you accurately represent the male and female perspectives on singles bars, but there's a hitch: singles bars only work for sex. People at singles bars don't act remotely "themselves." The guys are puffy and douchey. The girls are silly and giddy (or drunk and slutty.) There's no point in picking someone up in a singles bar unless you don't give a crap what they're really like, because they're acting completely differently than they would in any other context. Basically, singles bars only work for the people who are in heat, hook up, and have sex. If you don't get laid, then all you get out of it is the name and phone number of someone who is essentially a total stranger whom you know nothing about. That's why people give up on singles bars, except for guys who are hot or slick enough to get laid and the girls who are actually looking for sex and not a boyfriend (or who think that having one-night stands is a good way of looking for a boyfriend.) Most guys are disillusioned when they figure out they're not getting sex, just phone numbers from girls who look a lot less interesting in sunlight and sobriety. Most girls are disillusioned when they figure out that the only way to get any attention is to act like they're in the mood to put out if they meet the right guy. Both sexes are disillusioned when they realize they want their sexuality to be an integral part of who they are, not an entirely separate aspect of their personality, an inner douchebag/hoebag that comes out at night and does embarrassing, tasteless things.

by TrevorJ 17y ago

dsplittgerber 17y ago

Thanks for your feedback! Great point about the most efficient way to meet a partner! This is indeed a great question one should ask oneself. I see a problem with that approach though: I guess many people don't want to mix 'efficiency' with dating and human interactions and emotions too much. It's probably socially accepted to use dating sites, but are we already on our way to rethink our entire approach to dating? The expression of interest is indeed a good concept to hang on to. Which is why social networks are especially suitable for adding dating - you can add a simple "are you open to dating approaches?"-setting.

heed 17y ago
Like TrevorJ said, meeting people through a circle of friends may not be the best method for landing a date, but it could help to relieve the lingering stigmas of online dating. I know many people that still frown upon and feel uneasy about digital hookups. It might be useful to investigate ways of reaching these people. Maybe like a dating site in disguise?
- dave_au 17y ago
  Or they could just lie about it: http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuffer2005/3216972462/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/fuffer2005/3216972462/
TrevorJ 17y ago
Agreed. In fact, I think getting 6 pages of profile to look through to try to find somebody you may want to contact on a dating site is counterproductive and probably frustrates people a lot. At first I thought that maybe your idea subverts the role of the intermediate players in our lives. (The people who go "Hey, I know this person you should me, let me introduce you.") But what if you actually allowed that to happen in the social 'net? Do you think it would be handy if you could anonymously suggest to friend A and Friend B that they connect if they don't know each other?
- dsplittgerber 17y ago
  Good questions. What value do intermediate players provide? Is it in them playing cupid or is it in them being a trustee? Why do people who are introduced to each other go along and talk to the other one - is it because they are interested in a stranger or because they trust the intermediate player? I tend to think it's the latter which is why anonymous suggestions may not work. What do you think?
  - TrevorJ 17y ago
    Hmm, good question. If you knew it was through a mutual friend it could still work, but maybe it should not be anonymous.

potatolicious 17y ago

The nightclub comparison isn't like dating sites - the traditional dating site is more closely related to matchmaking agencies. I mean sure, you pay to get into a building with other single people - but the purpose is not to find a date, or heck, even converse with them.

froo 17y ago
but the purpose is not to find a date, or heck, even converse with them. I don't know if you quite understand the colloquialism "being on the pull" That is the entire point of going into a nightclub/pub in this scenario, to meet people. All of the ingredients are there - a gathering of people and social lubrication (alcohol)... perfect for the dating scenario. That's why there's an entire industry around picking up in bars/clubs.
- scott_s 17y ago
  What potatolicious implied is that people don't go to bars and nightclubs to find dates, they go to find partners for casual sex.
  - froo 17y ago
    You haven't spoken to many women about it have you? Male perspective - bars + clubs = casual sex* Female perspective - bars + clubs = for dating* *There will obviously be outliers in both cases, but that's generally how it plays out.
    - dkarl 17y ago
      I think you accurately represent the male and female perspectives on singles bars, but there's a hitch: singles bars only work for sex. People at singles bars don't act remotely "themselves." The guys are puffy and douchey. The girls are silly and giddy (or drunk and slutty.) There's no point in picking someone up in a singles bar unless you don't give a crap what they're really like, because they're acting completely differently than they would in any other context. Basically, singles bars only work for the people who are in heat, hook up, and have sex. If you don't get laid, then all you get out of it is the name and phone number of someone who is essentially a total stranger whom you know nothing about. That's why people give up on singles bars, except for guys who are hot or slick enough to get laid and the girls who are actually looking for sex and not a boyfriend (or who think that having one-night stands is a good way of looking for a boyfriend.) Most guys are disillusioned when they figure out they're not getting sex, just phone numbers from girls who look a lot less interesting in sunlight and sobriety. Most girls are disillusioned when they figure out that the only way to get any attention is to act like they're in the mood to put out if they meet the right guy. Both sexes are disillusioned when they realize they want their sexuality to be an integral part of who they are, not an entirely separate aspect of their personality, an inner douchebag/hoebag that comes out at night and does embarrassing, tasteless things.