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Oh not at all - I didn't mean that it should be left alone. What I mean is that there should be more emphasis on helping the victims grow from and overcome the
by TallGuyShort 17y ago
Oh not at all - I didn't mean that it should be left alone. What I mean is that there should be more emphasis on helping the victims grow from and overcome the experience, instead of just trying to prevent it altogether. The author of the article does touch on that, but I think it's generally absent from the minds of most people.
"He's getting bullied at school". "Oh - have you called the school?"
I'm not saying people should be complacent, I'm just saying that helping the victims is probably more important than other solutions. In my case, I always reacted the wrong way to bullying. I think that if I hadn't reacted the way I did, bullying would've stopped.
- tptacek 17y agoWhy should we teach people how to expend effort to overcome problems they shouldn't be confronted with in the first place? If somebody assaults you, you should press charges.
- mhb 17y agoBecause the police aren't everywhere and we don't want them to be and there are situations in which it would be valuable to have the confidence to physically defend yourself.
- tptacek 17y agoConfidence is good. Ability to physically defend yourself is good. Assault and battery is bad. Also: a crime. Your response to crime shouldn't simply be to mitigate its impact on yourself. Someone breaks into your house. You're armed. You prevent them from stealing anything. Having mitigated the crime, do you then let the situation drop? Of course not. Same situation. The homeowner isn't armed. Should they have been? Probably not. If you aren't extremely comfortable with firearms, you shouldn't own them. But bullying is nowhere nearly as bad as burglary! That's probably true. But the logic is the same. At some point, the situation has escalated to a point where rugged individualism is no longer the answer. Are there a lot of low-grade situations, particularly on a playground, where escalation to the school board isn't warranted? OF COURSE. That's why we use the term "escalation": there's a spectrum of responses. But in my case, none of those responses involves encouraging physical violence, or tolerating violence of any level directed towards my children.
- JabavuAdams 17y agoOk, I finally see what you're saying. What if your son doesn't tell you? To press charges, you need to know what's happened, and who's responsible. You may never get this info. I know of people who were viciously bullied, but put on a brave face and never let on to their parents. This kind of situation can go on for years, by which time the lasting damage is done.
- run4yourlives 17y agoOne would hope that most people understand that life is slightly more complex than that. Negative situations are a part of life. They make us who we are. Even if we could eliminate bullying entirely, we would also eliminate all of the valuable lessons that a child learns from the experience. This is not to suggest I support bullying at all; you don't learn how to ride a bike without falling, and you don't learn confidence and action without being challenged.
- tptacek 17y agoYou can't learn to ride a bike if you're afraid of falling. You can and must be able to attend school, even if you're afraid of physical violence.
- run4yourlives 17y agoI think you missed my point.